[ there's no explanation or introduction attached to the message despite her obvious newness in the 022 of her i.d. number, just a direct, pressing question: ]

Is it pretty common for people's memories to get screwed with here?

Last time I was this ruttin’ drunk, Mal got married to a-- a-- [ there are some words there that sound vaguely like butchered Mandarin; it’s a futuristic dialect, but the man speaking it is also so drunk that it sounds like the communicator can’t quite translate it. ] An’ I passed out.

But he did later, ‘cause he kissed ‘er on the mouth.

[ The device suddenly turns over, Jayne staring down at it. From the look of him and the several empty bottles sitting next to him -- on the floor -- he’s been drinking for a while. Reaching for another bottle of something that looks extraordinarily cheap, he takes a swig, then sighs. ]

I miss my guns.

[ my reputation's well set by now, neal says like it's not a big thing and peter can't lie and say it isn't. sure he had let the matter drop then only to half pick it up ( sort of ) later after a conversation with wichita. the lifts and their malfunction had stopped him from having his own conversation that drew off of what wichita has said until just a bit ago.

it bothers him more than usual to know that neal is somewhat keeping things from him. not because he wants to ( god he can't want to because, he's here and hadn't neal been so happy to see him when he came ) but because he doesn't know what he's supposed to say. he's in the dark and maybe he really has gotten involved in something that he can't even remotely get himself out of. and that sets peter on edge, because yes it was neal's own choice but peter could have pulled him back. maybe.

there's a moment on the feed where peter doesn't say anything before he smiles looking just a little tired, double checking that this is all filtered away from neal before he finds himself asking what might be a slightly complicated question for anyone to answer at home. let alone people who know a neal from before his excursion and know a neal from after. ]

I know this is probably an unorthodox question to ask, but if you could indulge me, what are your opinions on Neal Caffrey? I don't care if you're close or if you only know of him through what you've heard, I'd welcome any answers you all have. This is filtered away from him if you're worried about him barging in here acting affronted by anything you say, and I'm not likely to tell him it because it's more for my own curiosity's sake. I happen to know him from home and I was wondering what sort of impression he's left on all of you in the time he's been here.

[ because if neal's reputation is well set then they should all have the same answer. or something close to it. ]

[aren't you sick of all these PSAs yet, Tranquility? well too bad, here's another one. this is from a Kirk with a nice five o clock shadow going wearing the Starfleet greens of the command track.]

Morning Tranquility, this is Jim Kirk. I don't know if everyone's been briefed yet, but there's an FAQ file available to read or listen to which I'll link to this broadcast. In short, you're on a colonization vessel in an alternate universe traveling through space. We have theories as to how everyone got here, but they're only theories. I'll be happy to answer questions if you have them.

[he flashes a smile, and you'd almost never guess that he has a pounding headache and is still feeling nauseous.]

From the sound of it we've had a little hiccup with the grav chamber. If I could get a diagnostics report on that, that'd be great. I think it's a good idea for all of us who spent the last month in stasis to get together and share what happened. I've heard a few people discussing a dream, and I'm starting to get the impression everyone under had the same one. It was lucid, and of the Tranquility, before the former crew was lost.

[his gaze drops then, to his notes; everything he'd taken down between two files- one that shared everything, and one that would be for Starfleet, should he ever go back. he's not sure when he started considering his own return to Starfleet an if, but he isn't about to say anything about that. he spoke with Jenna earlier; he knows he needs to do something to rectify this idea people have of him lately. he can't think of anything more blatant than sharing information on a ship that covets it's secrets. it might paint a giant target on him, but better Kirk than the rest of the ship.

bright blue eyes come back to the camera.]

During the dream, I wasn't able to find Ward or Resnik. [and, yeah, just let that sink in for a minute.] But I did discover Captain Gallagher's first officer. Her name was Roshan. I can't tell you exactly what that might mean, but I wouldn't suggest spreading the information where Ward or Resnik might catch wind of it.

[he pauses, and adds:]

Gunnery, report. Tyke [you haven't been answering youR PHONE CALLS TYKE] I'd like to meet with you as soon as possible.

Kirk out.

FAQ.TXT
MAP.JPG

"The cure for boredom is curiosity.
There is no cure for curiosity."

[ neal's not quite back to his fighting weight, but he looks a whole lot better (and a whole lot less crazy, natch) than his last network outing.

he's also fussing with the cuffs on his devore, because you never go to battle without your best armor, right?

metaphorical, of course. ]

Wise words from a wise lady. [ and now with a slowy flip, he sets a fedora on his head and gives the camera a smile that's lovely lovely lovely and just a bit barbed. ] Résumé seemed apt, too, but a little dark given the occasion.

So, how was the month off, Tranquility? --and welcome to the new additions, of course. Watch out for Kardashians.

[ neal stop telling the ren faire kardashians are a horrible demon from your world, son, it's not as funny as you think.

also: one more hat flip because he can and we're out, tq. welcome back to the airwaves. ]

[ since waking up in the pod, dean's had quite the eventful time. between people telling him he's been here twice before, some nut job hiding behind a red smiley face, and cas being anything but the angel he remembers from home-- well, needless to say dean's feeling a little like someone who had the rug pulled from under his feet.

that, and the now clear memories of what went down back home on top of it all make for shit storm he's not quite ready to deal with yet. if ever.

but speaking of home, there's something that's been bothering more as he's watched the network ever since the jump had landed him in this mess. so today finds him poking this very problem. ]

So, about people going home.

I don't get it. What's the big deal? Ain't it a good thing when someone gets a couple post stamps slapped on their forehead and then shipped off back to whatever factory they popped out of? I'm not saying whatever's waiting back home is all sunshine and puppies for everyone 'round here -- [ it's no paradise he's ready to kick some ass for either. ] -- but settlin' like this place is some kinda home doesn't seem right. Especially if the things I've heard 'bout our ride're true.

[ he gets that things haven't been exactly a breeze on the ship, really. ]

Just sayin'. Sounds like an awful lot of people gettin' too cozy 'round here.

[ and with those deep and meaningful thoughts, dean cuts the feed. ]

( because everyone's my friend in New York City and everything looks beautiful when you're young and pretty the streets are paved with diamonds and there's just so much to see but the best thing about New York City is you and me | pre-post narrative )

[ V I D E O ]

Turn that shit off, Caffrey.

[ there's a clunk, a clink of glass against glass and the feed shakes a moment before settling on keller, who looks less than pleased, frowning at neal over the rim of his glass.]

No, no, you kept complaining. 'Culture, Neal'. [ his imitation of keller's accent is still spot on while drunk, thank you kindly.

...not that he's drunk. no, he's... mildly inebriated.

(he’s drunk. as shit, to be specific. to the point of mussed hair.) ] 'Nobody's got any goddamn culture on this boat,' you said.

So we’re gonna give them culture, your face isn't that special. Hide and seek is over.

[ it’s probably a sin to snort into wine this good, but keller does it anyway, which neal seems to take as a challenge. ]

It was the schooner Hesperus that sailed the wintery sea; and the skipper--

Longfellow? That's what you're opening with? [ to be fair, keller would have said this about anything neal picked. ] Loosen up, Caffrey. Go with something more like--

There was a young man from Peru
Who fell asleep in his canoe
While dreaming of Venus
He whipped out his penis
And woke up with a handful of goo.

[ smug, thy name is keller. who reaches over the comm to get at the bottle of wine, clearly assuming victory is his. ]

...You're disgusting, you know that? [ neal wrinkles his nose and takes a drink right from his newly grabbed back bottle of much too good for this treatment wine, his sober self is wincing somewhere inside. ] This is why rich women like me better and you know too many strippers. I'm only saying, one of us landed a princess and the other one only got to help him run away from her nice babysitters with guns.

[ seriously you two what the hell. there are probably kids watching what would edgeworth say.

...oh. oh. actually-- what would edgeworth say?

neal grins, a little mischievously, and slings a conspiratorial arm around keller's shoulders then takes a long, fortifying swallow of wine. ]

Here, I’ll show you how to do it. Observe.

[ he clears his throat, because at heart neal is two things: an actor, true born, and a total douchebag, equally true born. ]

I believe in you my soul, the other I am must not abase itself to you, and you must not be abased to the other. [ it doesn't sound like a recitation; more a conversation, slightly sing-song and clearly long-memorized. ] Loafe with me on the grass, loose the stop from your throat, not words-- not music or rhyme I want, not custom or lecture, not even the best.

[ he pauses, swallowing a little and taking a breath. ] Only the lull I like, the hum of your valved voice. I mind how once we lay such a transparent summer morning-- how you settled your head athwart my hips and gently turned over upon me and parted the shirt from my bosom-bone; and plunged your tongue to my bare-stript heart, and reached till you felt my beard, and reached till you held my feet.

[ AND WITH A SEATED BOW FROM THE DISNEY PRINCE LOOKING JERK, CAFFREY AND KELLER IN THE MORNING EVENING MOTHERFUCKING OUT. ]



( ooc | blue is neal; grey keller. replies can come from either of them, etc. )

[ everything in neal's life right now depends on coming off as better-- healing, masking pain maybe, but better. as such: time to get back on the network socialization horse.

he's in his devore, this time, and a fedora to boot; armor, but whatever. hot armor. ]

You know what I've noticed? Space is actually pretty boring in between it trying to kill us all.

In that vein, here's something I haven't done in a while. Pick a or b and try your best.

( ic attachment )

That's a, here's b.

You're on a road-- let's say to the nearest drycleaners. If you don't understand why we need one of those, you're going somewhere else that's very important and exciting, all right? You come to a point in the road where the path is blocked by three guardians; their names are Knight, Knave and Chaos. Knight always tells the truth, and Knave can always be trusted to lie. Chaos just blows whichever way the wind is strongest, that day.

To get past them, you only have to do one thing: by asking three yes or no questions (one to each guardian, double dipping not allowed) figure out which one is Knight, which one is Knave, and which one is Chaos.

There is, as always, one catch: the guardians understand English but will answer you back in their local language, so 'da' means yes and 'ja' means no. Or maybe it's the other way around-- probably should have read the guidebook closer.

So. How do you do it?

And hey, why not one more for the math geeks living among us. Finish the sequence:

4, 6, 12, 18, 30, 42, 60, 72, 102, 108, ?, ?, ?.

( locked to matthew keller )

[ Hello, have your new 010 » 111 pop up on the network. The video turns on to show someone obviously in their room. He's sitting on the bed and he has the comm resting in his hands on his lap, it's facing him -- even if it's a little off center. His fingers run over the buttons on the device and he clears his throat, ready to speak at the indication that the video is recording.

And yet, the video is upside down. ]

Just a friendly reminder to whoever is in charge that, if you are in fact going to abduct someone from their work and home into outer space -- you might want to reconsider picking a blind man. For one, stars? Completely wasted on me.

[ A slight quirk of his lips up at that. ]

And to... any friendly listeners out there, a brief rundown of this place from someone who isn't a native would be exceptional. I'm sure there's a welcome sign around here but, well, [ He tilts his head just a bit and shrugs lightly. ]

I think that covers it. Nice to meet you, I'm sure you're all very pretty.

[ And then he grins and hangs up. ]

[ Today the Khaleesi looks troubled. Not worried, but troubled. There are many that have arrived, and many that have left. This strange 'magic' that does this has great power, and it leaves her confused, and afraid.

It isn't her worries that cause her to speak though, rather the arrivals instead. She has no question, nor a need for asking, but more a simple wish of conversation (and a wish to know whom is like her) ]

There are many that have arrived, many from my own world as well as others, but they may as well all be foreign. Though they are from my world I know not one. [ The surname of Stark or Lannister not included ] I would not wish for any to arrive, to be here. [ Even if it would be nice, to see Ser Jorah or one of her handmaidens (she would say Drogo too, but he is gone) ]

Would you wish for another? For a friend? [ Or even a foe, just someone familiar ] Or would you wish to remain alone?

[ The video snaps on to a blur and a big hand holding it out at arm's length, and at the end of that arm is one John Casey with a certain ship's geek - Chuck Bartowski - headlocked under the other. He finds something to put the viewer on so that he can draw his gun - a silver on black SIG Sauer P226 - out of its holster, placing it against Chuck's neck, and growls under his breath at him. ]

Stop squirming so much, Bartowski, otherwise I really will end up shooting you, and it's no fun if I do it accidentally.

[ Chuck had never liked being held at gunpoint, but it's not as if this was the first time this had ever happened over the years, which was only one reason why he looked so calm about this. The only thing that made it any different than usual was being put on film while doing so and Chuck elbowed at the other man, squirming anyway. ]

Look, Casey, I really think there are better ways to deal with this than threatening to kill me, and it's not even gonna get you out of here. Now if you would just put the gun down…

[ A fierce grunt of disgust cut Chuck off mid-sentence, Casey narrowing his eyes at his friend, only to turn that same withering look on the camera. ]

I'll put the gun down when I'm good and ready. Listen up, whoever you are; I don't care if you're aliens or Communists, but I suggest you find a way to get me back to Burbank, otherwise I can't be held responsible for what I might do. [ And he might just be squeezing Chuck's neck a little bit harder between his forearm and bicep to illustrate his point. In response, Chuck makes a wheezing sort of noise, stopping his shoving at Casey so he doesn't end up turning blue before too long. ]

Nobody has to worry about Casey, he's not actually gonna hurt me, I promise. He's a friend from back home, he's just a little trigger happy, you can ignore him. Right now, I mean. Not any other time. [ a beat ] You really might not want to ignore him any other time.

[ This time Casey reaches out his gun hand to take the device back, and as it spins before it goes off his voice is audible over the feed; a deep gutteral growl: ]

Idiot, Bartowski, now we have to start over, and maybe this time I will shoot you just to prove I mean it. How do you record over-- [ The feed cuts.]

[ neal's been bored, and that survey-- and the guy giving it-- have been amusing him for a while. now it's his turn, obviously. he turns a studiously serious face down to the camera. ]

Since surveys have already proved so effective, I thought I'd toss my hat into the ring. Metaphorically speaking, of course. Moz, don't touch my hats.

[ this is not an evil smile, what. ]

Enjoy, and remember to answer candidly and as completely as you can.

1. What is your name? 2. What is your quest? (Consider this my Python shoutout.) 3. What is round as a dishpan, deep as a tub, and still the oceans couldn't fill it up? 4. Are you now, or have you ever been, a member of the Kardashian party? 5. In exactly 27 words, explain why surveys are a noneffective method of answer gathering. 6. Cary Grant + Humphrey Bogart = ?, explain your answer. 7. New York, New York, it's a hell of a town. True. 8. He who has it doesn't tell it. He who takes it doesn't know it. He who knows it doesn't want it. What is it? 9. In essay form, please explain why the waistcoat is an important part of any suit. 10. Neruda, Dali, and Kierkegaard enter a bar. Finish the punchline. 11. Why are the Kardashians famous? If you can explain this in a way that makes any sense, without the words 'Paris Hilton', you get a prize. 12. Let's talk about the Oxford comma. 13. Go ahead and make up your own question here. 14. Name the most important of the Three Stooges. 15. Name the least appealing item on the McDonald's menu. (This is a trick question.) 16. Why are you bothering with this survey? 17. Name the most influential painter of the 18th century. 18. LA Confidential was robbed during the '97 Oscars, this isn't an opinion. 19. If you were going to vote for President of the World, who would you elect? 20. Kraft "cheese": science's worst mistake. This one isn't a question either. 21. Name your top ten poets. 22. Monet and Manet are two different painters. Discuss. <b>Agree or disagree with the following statements.</b> 23. Surveys are a waste of time. 24. Big Brother is watching you. 25. Anyone with a Mario mustache deserves the teasing they get. 26. Questions with absolute answers are boring. 27. I deserve a drycleaners.

[ This is Chuck's first time on film around here so he looks a little shifty, but he gives a nervous sort of smile. Oh yeah, he's totally about to give a poignant speech. Watch out. ]

So, I guess we’re all stuck in space, huh. [ so poignant. ] Not exactly how I pictured my first space-mission going, especially the part about the potentially deadly space illness or being stuck in the goo-filled pods. Without clothes. And almost being choked to death. Just an average day around here, I guess.

[ .... cue crickets before Chuck finally clears his throat. ]

Maybe we should think about changing that part up. Beaming people up to space with their clothes might be a gentler transition. Baby steps, you know? First space, then goo filled pods, then the fact that we might die or get eaten by intergalactic beasts if we're not careful.

Yes? No? Could I get a vote from the members of my audience?

[ After a second, Chuck just sort of sighs. Not really expecting a response, his tone changes ever so slightly when he continues, leaning more towards the serious. ] Look, i’ve been through enough life changing experiences in my life already, ending up in space wasn’t really on my list of things I wanted to do before I died. I mean, yeah sure, I like Galaga and Asteroids as much as the next guy, but i’m pretty sure the whole... space thing isn’t for me. [ At this point he just looks kind of done with this whole thing, but he's trying to get it over with. ]

Since i’m pretty sure i’m not up here for any reason other than to see just how badly i’ll fail, think i’ll be trying to find the next... pod out of here. But before that, has anyone been able to phone home yet?