001 | video | what do you do with a drunken sailor?

[bribed]

Last time I was this ruttin’ drunk, Mal got married to a-- a-- [ there are some words there that sound vaguely like butchered Mandarin; it’s a futuristic dialect, but the man speaking it is also so drunk that it sounds like the communicator can’t quite translate it. ] An’ I passed out.

But he did later, ‘cause he kissed ‘er on the mouth.

[ The device suddenly turns over, Jayne staring down at it. From the look of him and the several empty bottles sitting next to him -- on the floor -- he’s been drinking for a while. Reaching for another bottle of something that looks extraordinarily cheap, he takes a swig, then sighs. ]

I miss my guns.

Comments

video

[doc_pompous]

[Simon wishes he were surprised. But he's not.]

Well, that took...no time at all.

video

[bribed]

There's nothin' to ruttin' do on this boat.

[ Ignoring that he said he'd go with Cillian to scavenge. And the gyms. And the shooting range. And the alcohol.

Yeah, ignoring all that. ]

video;

[onsilksheets]

[He looks like that Casey person. Except with facial hair and a drinking problem. But then Bela knows she has a few doppelgangers so why not?]

You're embarrassing yourself.

video;

[bribed]

[ It's not a problem. ]

So? Ain't like my ma's here, and my captain neither.

audio; locked

[target]

[audio instead of text because yes, he actually taking pity on jayne here. shock horror.]

So find some replacements till you get sent back home.

audio; locked

[bribed]

[ Good thing too, because his reading skills are terrible. ]

I've got two here with me. Ain't nothin' like a weapon you know, though.

[ video || placeholder sob ]

[thoughts]

They don't miss you.

[ video ]

[bribed]

'course they don't. They're guns.

[ hi crazy. ]

audio »

[widowing]

[ oh jayne, you get more amusing by the second. ]

We have more.

audio »

[bribed]

They any good though?

(voice.)

[carbonite]

That's rough, buddy.

(voice.)

[bribed]

Ain't it just.

[voice]

[uncodlyawwesome]

You're tellin' me - the least this fuckin' ship an' wwhatevver horrorterrible powwers that are possessin' it could do is givve us all some of our coddamn wweaponry back. Not that it really matters noww, but still, Ahab's wwould'a kept evverythin' wway more manageable here. I could'a had a fuckin' legendary wweapon to protect myself, an' don't evven get me started on howw much help it wwould be servvin' in the Security department -

[i think he's kind of forgot he's talking over the network and not in real life, woops.]

...Either wway, you're not the only one missin' their basic fuckin' wweaponry, but there's fuck all t'do about it, so you might as wwell get ovver yourself.

[voice]

[bribed]

I'd sure feel a helluva lot better if I had more an' two, that's for sure. Guessin' you're the same, which 'sgood. Namin' 'em, too. Good.

[ Not that Ahab is a girl's name, but whatever. ]

[voice]

[jurisimpudent]

[Dryly:]

So you speak of the mistakes made the last time you were intoxicated...from a state of similar intoxication. Marvelous capacity for learning from your mistakes.

[voice]

[bribed]

I didn't do nothin' last time I was this drunk. I got a rain stick.

video

[slipperysoul]

[ GODDAMMIT. ]

How many of you are there?

video

[bribed]

[ uh ]

One?

video

[intersection]

Y'know, you kind of... remind me of someone.

video

[bribed]

I ain't your boyfriend.

video;

[swedge]

[ Jo's first thought is: where the hell did he get that much alcohol, and her second is: I hope it's not mine. ]

Having fun there?

video;

[bribed]

[ It isn't.

Probably.

He's not actually sure where he got it all anymore. ]

I've had more.

audio

[supfirehawk]

[She laughs.]

How good of a shot are you when you're drunk?

audio

[bribed]

Damn good.

[ liar... but better than when he's drugged. ]

voice;

[sugarbear]

No. Goddamn. Way.

voice;

[bribed]

Yes goddamn way.

[ wow you sound like him but fancy! ]

video;

[chambermaid]

I've been told there are guns on the ship. [ which she's come to discover, she doesn't like much.]

video;

[bribed]

Ain't the same as havin' my own collection. I know them.

voice;

[idkmybffjessie]

Got married to a what?

voice;

[bribed]

Cheap floozy.

[ Oh, look. He pronounced it well enough for the translation to work. ]

The hell'd that come out in English for?

video;

[reticencies]

[...well this definitely something. especially between his appearance and that last comment too] — Wow, now this is just weird.

video;

[bribed]

Huh?

[ helpful replies from Jayne Cobb ]

[blunted]

What a great story.
Heartfelt, riveting, with a surprise ending.
The people must lost it.

[bribed]

[ Here's a fun fact about Jayne, Keller: he can't read very well. So instead of text in response, there's video of Jayne squinting at the letters, reading them outloud (under his breath), a slight scowl, and then finally Jayne actually replying to the message. ]

Dunno about no critics, but it happened.

video »

[stacked]

[ return of the empty weapon filled room reply, she's doing situps leave her alone. ]

Sucks to be you, then.

video »

[bribed]

[ wow rude ]

Is everyone here goin' to be showin' off? 'cause I've got some weapon.