( 08 ) video ♧ heideggar heideggar was a boozy beggar who could think you under the table

[became]

[ neal caffrey can count on two hands with fingers left over the amount of times he's been drunk in the past decade. mildly tipsy, once or twice more, but it doesn't pay to be a conman and a lush. in vino veritas, loose lips get smiling men shot in the head, and so on.

he doesn't need ianto's (not jones, no matter the occasional press-lipped sighs at neal's familiarity, because jones is not welsh and he is not here, and now more than ever neal needs to remember that) offer of help to know mozzie is gone. his best friend sticks close, especially with keller around; a lack of moz for this long means exactly one thing.

he sighs, steals all the wine and cleans the room of every last possession, then cleans it; moz would freak about leaving traces, and it's the closest thing he can get to an apology or a goodbye on this floating tin can of an insane asylum, apparently.

when he finishes, the number he keys in doesn't belong to any of the people it probably should. ]

Moz is gone.

Drinks? On me.

[ V I D E O ]

Turn that shit off, Caffrey.

[ there's a clunk, a clink of glass against glass and the feed shakes a moment before settling on keller, who looks less than pleased, frowning at neal over the rim of his glass.]

No, no, you kept complaining. 'Culture, Neal'. [ his imitation of keller's accent is still spot on while drunk, thank you kindly.

...not that he's drunk. no, he's... mildly inebriated.

(he’s drunk. as shit, to be specific. to the point of mussed hair.) ] 'Nobody's got any goddamn culture on this boat,' you said.

So we’re gonna give them culture, your face isn't that special. Hide and seek is over.

[ it’s probably a sin to snort into wine this good, but keller does it anyway, which neal seems to take as a challenge. ]

It was the schooner Hesperus that sailed the wintery sea; and the skipper--

Longfellow? That's what you're opening with? [ to be fair, keller would have said this about anything neal picked. ] Loosen up, Caffrey. Go with something more like--

There was a young man from Peru
Who fell asleep in his canoe
While dreaming of Venus
He whipped out his penis
And woke up with a handful of goo.

[ smug, thy name is keller. who reaches over the comm to get at the bottle of wine, clearly assuming victory is his. ]

...You're disgusting, you know that? [ neal wrinkles his nose and takes a drink right from his newly grabbed back bottle of much too good for this treatment wine, his sober self is wincing somewhere inside. ] This is why rich women like me better and you know too many strippers. I'm only saying, one of us landed a princess and the other one only got to help him run away from her nice babysitters with guns.

[ seriously you two what the hell. there are probably kids watching what would edgeworth say.

...oh. oh. actually-- what would edgeworth say?

neal grins, a little mischievously, and slings a conspiratorial arm around keller's shoulders then takes a long, fortifying swallow of wine. ]

Here, I’ll show you how to do it. Observe.

[ he clears his throat, because at heart neal is two things: an actor, true born, and a total douchebag, equally true born. ]

I believe in you my soul, the other I am must not abase itself to you, and you must not be abased to the other. [ it doesn't sound like a recitation; more a conversation, slightly sing-song and clearly long-memorized. ] Loafe with me on the grass, loose the stop from your throat, not words-- not music or rhyme I want, not custom or lecture, not even the best.

[ he pauses, swallowing a little and taking a breath. ] Only the lull I like, the hum of your valved voice. I mind how once we lay such a transparent summer morning-- how you settled your head athwart my hips and gently turned over upon me and parted the shirt from my bosom-bone; and plunged your tongue to my bare-stript heart, and reached till you felt my beard, and reached till you held my feet.

[ AND WITH A SEATED BOW FROM THE DISNEY PRINCE LOOKING JERK, CAFFREY AND KELLER IN THE MORNING EVENING MOTHERFUCKING OUT. ]



( ooc | blue is neal; grey keller. replies can come from either of them, etc. )

Comments

anon text;

[spider]

Charming.

S

hello anon!!

[blunted]

I sure thought so, Mister S.

anon text every party's got a pooper that's why we-- OH WAIT we didn't invite you

[became]

To a flaw. New status or not, Welles couldn't have done it better himself.

[unheroic]

look at those fucking hipsters.

[blunted]

Caffrey's too old to be a hipster.

[became]

I've never worn a pair of skinny jeans in my life.

[ true but still: hipster. ]

video;

[mingus]

[ There is. A tilted head. And he knows that voice and while the other he ... does not, there is something familiar about it. So-- ]

Huh. [ a pause. ] I really want to go drinking with you two.

[blunted]

[ AUGGIE MY MAIN MAN. ]

We got more. I thought we had more a minute ago, at least.

video;

[became]

[ auggggggggggie. ]

Keller already drank all my wine, but bring something else and you're welcome. I think next my partner here's going to dazzle us with that old gem about a girl hailing from Nantucket.

[ neal is a verbose fucking drunk, trust. ]

[text]

[jurisimpudent]

[Edgeworth has spent the past day hunched miserably and silently in his room.

In a way, this is good for him.]

You will mind the fact that children can access this.

[ video ]

[became]

We will?

[ OH LOOK RIGHT ON CUE. ]

[blunted]

[ OH MY GOD KELLER'S DAY IS MADE. ]

Poetry's good for the soul.

v i d e o;

[dilemma]

Dirty limericks were much cooler back in like 1920.

v i d e o;

[became]

...You're well preserved for a grandfather.

[ peering at you, damon. meet katherine's juice box! ]

[blunted]

Some things age well.

[ keller consider who you're talking to. ]

text;

[cons]

[ well now this is all just backwards. Neal being all drunk and Wichita... well, Wichita hasn't exactly left her room since she got out of the fog. and okay she wants to just go on video and pretend to be fine but she's totally not. BUT if Neal's this drunk, he obviously got hit in the gut ( not literally ) over something. ]

only you could recite that kind of poem so eloquently when you're smashed.

not here.

[blunted]

[ but keller fought a zombie hoard okay he deserves a drink. ]

video; encrypted 100%

[adlered]

[ She doesn't have time for this in the slightest and she just spent time in Tyke's otherworld and to have this happen so soon. To see right in front of her face just makes her angry.

But you now what, it's the deathly calm sort of anger she feels. Boys, run. ]

Pity I don't have my leashes here. [ Oh yes, he did just imply you'd both be wearing one. Christ fuck you're like uncontrollable dogs. ]

video; encrypted 100%

[became]

I think she's mad.

[ yes because stage whispering that to keller will REALLY HELP YOU HERE caffrey. ]

text;

[mansuetus]

[ True to her somewhat dramatic nature, she thought she would never smile again after all that has happened. This proves her wrong. ]

Such wicked words of poetry. I blush at the thought of them.

[ Lucrezia Borgia, teasing from her bedridden state. Who knew. ]

permavideo from the drunkarooski until he inevitably starts showing off via text

[became]

Fair Chloe blushed, too. [ put away the prior, caffrey, and that poem is about being an unfaithful deceiver in matters of the heart and you know it. ]

It's all him, of course. I'm the the one with good manners, it's how you can tell us apart.

[ says the man with his artsy metaphor for oral. additionally: zip it back up. ]

video;

[stimulations]

I suppose we should just be thankful the word 'turgid' didn't appear in either of them.

[blunted]

That a request? I figure I can scrape something together to complete your experience.

[video]

[sugarbear]

Neal Caffrey.

[ You knew this day was coming, when text would no longer defend your pretty eyes and too handsome face. ]

We both know that's not your real name. Aren't you supposed to be dead? They always say third time lucky. [ That was a death threat, Bryce Larkin, so help him. ]

[blunted]

[ wow what is happening. ]

Well shit, he's got all sorts of friends on this rig, doesn't he?

voice;

[coffeeking]

If you two are to be our finest representation of culture, I weep for us all.

[blunted]

Nothing stopping you from giving a demonstration.

[video]

[cl_cl_claudius]

[By Roman standards none of that was very scandalous. Claudius is a respectable middle aged gentleman, but he's just mildly amused.]

It is oddly c-comforting to see that w-wine parties remain m-much the same in any age or w-world. M-may I ask the n-names of the poets you q-quoted?

And, more importantly, w-where you acquired drinkable w-wine?

[blunted]

[ claudius you are a cool dude. ]

Wine party sounds better than what Caffrey's calling it.

[ keller is just here for the wine, not to mourn the loss of mozzie. ]

A friend of a friend acquired it, and we figured we'd put it to good use.

video;

[tumbleweeds]

... I definitely liked the penis one more.

[blunted]

This is why you got better taste than most of the people on this barge. Caffrey included.

[certainproclivity]

[What is fun. Sark doesn't believe in it. Unless it's kinky sex.]

That's one way to decompress.

[became]

We're sounding barbaric yawps later.

[ NEAL SHUT UP GOOD LORD. ]