mathematically: (pic#5892115)
lчdíα ( вєttєr thαn αnч σthєr αlphα ) mαrtín ([personal profile] mathematically) wrote in [community profile] ataraxion2013-03-20 03:07 pm

third molotov cocktail made ☾ ( anonymous text | locked against anyone from beacon hills )

I know a lot of you are likely to think this entire thing is stupid with how I'm posting it anonymously, but unlike some people, I know how to use the function and I'm well within my rights to post it anonymously especially considering the content.

If, at home, someone did something to you, something horrible that stripped you of what— what's supposed to be you, and took away your control and forced you into doing things because that's the only way that they'd stop and let you have control again and then decided that once you did what they asked that they wouldn't leave you alone, do they deserve to be punished? Should you want to kill them because that's the only way that maybe they'll finally leave you alone? They're not a good person, not in the slightest, I think. And they're on the ship, which, I know all of you are going to say go to security, they'll handle this but this is— beyond their area of jurisdiction because they haven't attacked you on the ship, and they've left you alone because you asked them to, but I don't know if they'll go back on their word or attack me again. If I do something wrong, they would, and—

I've had to do things for them on the ship because they wanted something and I could make it so they could get it because people trust me, and I've been doing it and I think they almost have it.

Do any of you know what it's like to be stuck between two options where one ends in someone hurting you in so many ways because they know every weakness you have and knows how to exploit them and the other has you betraying people and manipulating them in ways that you find yourself feeling guilty about? I just keep lying and hoping no one finds out and it's different than just acting like nothing's wrong because that's at least denial this is just being backed into a corner where I feel like I'm as bad as the person I'm helping. To where I think maybe I'm as evil as they are, because I'm using all these people too and if they deserve to die or be punished in ways that are deemed torture, I do too don't I?

Because I'm no better than them. Everything they've done to me, I've done my version of it to other people and I hate just want to make it all go away. I know how to kill them now, but I can't do it, can I? I don't deserve to get away from this, not after what I've done. Even if I want to. Even if I could.


[ ooc | cut texted purely because of the sensitive subject matter that has to do with what is basically abuse, general assault of a minor and sexual themes. if any of these are triggers, pass on by, or if you choose to read tread very carefully. ]
puppydogeyes: (ʙʟᴀᴄᴋ | ᴘᴀᴘɪʟʟᴏɴ)

text;

[personal profile] puppydogeyes 2013-03-20 08:38 pm (UTC)(link)
You can still come to me.
I will help.

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mansuetus: (☩ 13.)

video.

[personal profile] mansuetus 2013-03-20 08:43 pm (UTC)(link)
You must kill them.

Not all of your doubts shall die with them yet some will, and more will die over time.

permavideo;

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executiveassistant: (pic#4343720)

text;

[personal profile] executiveassistant 2013-03-20 08:58 pm (UTC)(link)
Get help. No, hear me out. Not the security force, but a friend or companion you can trust. Find them, try to talk to them, and get their help.

Self-judging is a dangerous thing. At the very least, they can help you figure out what you deserve.


[She doesn't like the wording and this entire thing leaves a bad taste in her mouth, but

It's not the kind of cry for help she can just ignore.]

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dilemma: (dont bother an inch for another.)

text | private | 50% encryption

[personal profile] dilemma 2013-03-20 09:05 pm (UTC)(link)
So kill them. Don't be an idiot and not think it through. This isn't a kill someone and dump them in the woods kinda place.

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damon's a dick, news at 11.

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slipperysoul: (pic#2241475)

permavoice

[personal profile] slipperysoul 2013-03-20 09:14 pm (UTC)(link)
Sometimes the solution just isn't that easy. But it doesn't mean you can't ask for help.

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gilding: (ᴛʜᴇ ɢʟᴀss ᴄᴏғғɪɴ)

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[personal profile] gilding 2013-03-20 09:19 pm (UTC)(link)
No one can let you have control, dearie. Certainly not in these circumstances. You need to take it.

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20mentholkools: (my image's reflect)

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[personal profile] 20mentholkools 2013-03-20 09:28 pm (UTC)(link)
You get stronger.

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withlace: (Default)

video

[personal profile] withlace 2013-03-20 10:00 pm (UTC)(link)
Even if you do want to kill them, what matters most is whether or not you do.

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jilt: (proper lady.)

[personal profile] jilt 2013-03-20 10:05 pm (UTC)(link)
You cut their throat before they cut yours. Everything else will sort itself out in time.

[ it's a public feed because irene can't encrypt worth a damn, but this is the advice she'd wished she'd followed. ]

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ironsights: (pic#3813610)

text . anonymous

[personal profile] ironsights 2013-03-20 10:08 pm (UTC)(link)
Self-pity is a waste of time and energy. Asking people for pity like this also won't be helpful.

Kill them or don't. You're responsible for the decision and what comes of it.

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enforced: (Obi - piloting)

[personal profile] enforced 2013-03-20 10:09 pm (UTC)(link)
If you need help, there are those here who will help you, even if you feel you can't go to security.

Don't stand for abuse. It doesn't matter what you've done in the past. This isn't justice.

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northerner: (introspect.)

[personal profile] northerner 2013-03-20 10:09 pm (UTC)(link)
If someone has wronged you in such a grave way, then it is only right you submit them for judgement. Aboard this ship none can be passed, but steps can be taken to keep such a person from you, if need be.

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blunted: (pic#4751925)

[personal profile] blunted 2013-03-20 10:14 pm (UTC)(link)
You know how to kill them, off the fucker.
What're you waiting for, engraved invitation?

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sufferances: commissioned from <lj user="cupnoodles"> | dnt (pic#5540202)

this lock is pretty shitty STEFAN TRIED.

[personal profile] sufferances 2013-03-20 10:22 pm (UTC)(link)
[ it's too bad there, about stefan's canonpoint. give him a few more months and he'd be doing his own version of this. ]

There are plenty of people here who could help you, if you gave them a name.

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lockwood: (almost as good of an alpha as derek)

text

[personal profile] lockwood 2013-03-20 10:29 pm (UTC)(link)
[As someone who had his free will ripped away from it via one sire bond to Klaus, this entry definitely catches his attention. Of course, his attempts for a Klaus free life back home have constantly backfired -- at least the dick isn't on the ship anymore]

You have to at least try to kill them, do something to break free from them. If you don't fight back, they'll always have the power.

And sometimes you have to realize that might be something you can do alone.
Edited 2013-03-20 22:30 (UTC)

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cobaltblue: (I hate you too)

text | anonymous

[personal profile] cobaltblue 2013-03-20 10:51 pm (UTC)(link)
You're not the only one. And if the asshole who fucked me over was on the ship, I'd want him dead, too. Some people don't deserve to live for what they've done to others.

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nothlit: (boy ➣ flared)

text

[personal profile] nothlit 2013-03-20 11:31 pm (UTC)(link)
[this person has come to the network anonymously, asking for help, even if this is a roundabout way of doing it. it angers him, somewhere deep in his bones, and he thinks of every person enslaved on Earth, Jake's brother, Marco's mother, his own family—]

you're being manipulated and used and hurt. you aren't evil. whatever happens to that person, you don't deserve to be punished for it too.

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heltersskelter: (s h o t g u n | a kick in the ass)

text ; anonymous

[personal profile] heltersskelter 2013-03-20 11:32 pm (UTC)(link)
kill them
or find someone who can do it for you

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faderbroderson: (firelight compliments my skin)

voice; locked 60%

[personal profile] faderbroderson 2013-03-21 12:05 am (UTC)(link)
Self-blame is natural, but it is nothing more than a lie that paralyzes you. A lie planted by the one who abused you. This is not a matter of your own rights and wrongs, but theirs.

This person deserves death, and should be killed for both your sake and for the sake of those they seek to manipulate and use through you. If you choose to kill them yourself, know that it will empower you and feel gratifying, but it will not heal you. There is no shame in asking for help from those you trust.

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what you said, only voice

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fuckinghysterical: (Hidden dark side)

perma-anon text

[personal profile] fuckinghysterical 2013-03-21 12:45 am (UTC)(link)
[Even if LB had figured out how to do anon posts a long time ago, this is the first time she's bothering to do so, because there's no way in hell she wants anyone identifying who this was.]

if theyre on the ship with you and theyre forcing you to do shit you dont want to you should kill them.

i know thats what a lot of people are saying but you should really do it. even if you have to be sneaky about it.

make yourself stronger if you have to.

or maybe get someone to kill them for you although i would want to kill them myself and i wouldnt trust anyone to do it anyway.

but you cant grin and bear it for too long believe me.

before too long theyll likely target those you care about.

if they havent already.

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entrapments: (||affectation)

text| encrypted

[personal profile] entrapments 2013-03-21 01:45 am (UTC)(link)
[ there isn't much of a place to start with something like this. or maybe there are plenty of places. hayley half reads the message once, shuts off her communicator- then goes back to it some hours later and combs her way over every letter. maybe the message on it's own should be a foreign language- but the tone is familiar, and at it's core- this is something hayley knows. knows it like her own insides, shapeless and half-formed.

it's the first time she's used this encryption, but there's something to be said for a time and place. ]


someone told me once that the things you do wrong, haunt you.

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jurisimpudent: (stressed)

[text] ugh mostly placeholder until off hiatus but this wouldn't go ignored

[personal profile] jurisimpudent 2013-03-21 03:02 am (UTC)(link)
[WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE]

If you kill him, you are a murderer. No matter the extenuating circumstances, a murder is a murder. You have been abused; this has colored your perceptions, enough that you want to kill your abuser. However, if you do so, not only will security have to act against you, you'll have bloodied your hands with deeply unworthy blood.

Let us know who it is. Come forward. We'll help you and protect you, and we will keep your hands clean, so that you can go forward without any murder on your conscience.

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swagneto: (pic#5822983)

text.

[personal profile] swagneto 2013-03-21 04:22 am (UTC)(link)
kill them anyway.

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parkours: (are you seriously arguing protocol)

text

[personal profile] parkours 2013-03-21 04:26 am (UTC)(link)
dunno the whole story but everyone saying you need to see SEC or whatever is right.

i don't think you're as bad as them but you don't need to suffer through that.

(no subject)

[personal profile] parkours - 2013-03-21 15:52 (UTC) - Expand
tirade: pouted; dnt. (pic#5885711)

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[personal profile] tirade 2013-03-21 06:17 am (UTC)(link)
whatever you've done, you can make up for it by dropping the charade. if you keep going along with some psycho's master plan, you're gonna be hurting people

if you don't and choose to man up to it instead, you'll still be hurting them but admitting to whatever you done is what makes you a better person than the monster from crazytown that you're talking about

get away from them and find someone who can kick their ass if they come around knocking on your door

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[personal profile] tirade - 2013-03-22 04:17 (UTC) - Expand

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[personal profile] tirade - 2013-03-23 05:17 (UTC) - Expand

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[personal profile] tirade - 2013-03-24 03:54 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] tirade - 2013-03-24 09:58 (UTC) - Expand

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