ataraxion | third molotov cocktail made ☾ ( anonymous text | locked against anyone from beacon hills )

I know a lot of you are likely to think this entire thing is stupid with how I'm posting it anonymously, but unlike some people, I know how to use the function and I'm well within my rights to post it anonymously especially considering the content.

If, at home, someone did something to you, something horrible that stripped you of what— what's supposed to be you, and took away your control and forced you into doing things because that's the only way that they'd stop and let you have control again and then decided that once you did what they asked that they wouldn't leave you alone, do they deserve to be punished? Should you want to kill them because that's the only way that maybe they'll finally leave you alone? They're not a good person, not in the slightest, I think. And they're on the ship, which, I know all of you are going to say go to security, they'll handle this but this is— beyond their area of jurisdiction because they haven't attacked you on the ship, and they've left you alone because you asked them to, but I don't know if they'll go back on their word or attack me again. If I do something wrong, they would, and—

I've had to do things for them on the ship because they wanted something and I could make it so they could get it because people trust me, and I've been doing it and I think they almost have it.

Do any of you know what it's like to be stuck between two options where one ends in someone hurting you in so many ways because they know every weakness you have and knows how to exploit them and the other has you betraying people and manipulating them in ways that you find yourself feeling guilty about? I just keep lying and hoping no one finds out and it's different than just acting like nothing's wrong because that's at least denial this is just being backed into a corner where I feel like I'm as bad as the person I'm helping. To where I think maybe I'm as evil as they are, because I'm using all these people too and if they deserve to die or be punished in ways that are deemed torture, I do too don't I?

Because I'm no better than them. Everything they've done to me, I've done my version of it to other people and I hate just want to make it all go away. I know how to kill them now, but I can't do it, can I? I don't deserve to get away from this, not after what I've done. Even if I want to. Even if I could.

[ ooc | cut texted purely because of the sensitive subject matter that has to do with what is basically abuse, general assault of a minor and sexual themes. if any of these are triggers, pass on by, or if you choose to read tread very carefully. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Then again, I want to know what you're going to do to 'help' besides smile, nod, and dismiss everything that's said.

I already said I don't know until I know more.
I have never dismissed anything brought to me.

[She also doesn't really smile all that much lbr.]

You just said past crimes can't be proved, so by your own reasoning you can't do anything without make a special exception.

No.
I said we can't punish past crimes because they can't be proven.

Then what can you do about them?

[Taylor's having to be very careful with her words here, and if Lilith wants to keep missing the important ones, she's just going to divert this before it gets more frustrating.]

About past crimes?
Nothing.
+ you should be happy about that, with you supposedly being a criminal too.

I never said I was the best person here, but Jack beats any of my crimes by miles.

Edited 2013-03-21 02:36 (UTC)

If we started moving on past crimes, it would have to cover any + all.
Including you + me.
+ all we'd have to judge it by would be the word of other people.
Which would leave it wide open for abuse.
Which is why we don't do it.

I get your reasoning behind it, but that doesn't mean I'm going to be all sunshine and rainbows as long as he's still around.

If you get my reasoning then you can stop trying to piss my secretary off about it.

Where would the fun be in that?

I need him to do his job.
+ that doesn't include being your petty entertainment.

He can handle himself. It's not like I'm stalking him so I can harass him.

Funny, cause it sure as shit looks like that's what you're doing.

Talking to him over the network isn't 'stalking'.

Going over the same shit with him on the network every chance you get.
Just trying to get him riled up.
You not have anything better to do with your time?

Yeah, I do, but it only takes seconds to get him upset.

Then you could stop.
After just seconds.
But you don't.

Neither does he.

Yes he does.

[Because she told him to.]

+ he's not the one that hunts you out to do it.
You're the one that's harassing him.

Is it really that big of an issue that you need to step in for him?

Already told you.
I need him doing his job.
+ you just waste his time.
I'm not stepping in.

If you're not stepping in, then there's nothing we need to talk about.

You don't want me to step in.

Are you threatening me over this?

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puppydogeyes - 2013-03-26 00:55 (UTC) - Expand

audio

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