ataraxion | third molotov cocktail made ☾ ( anonymous text | locked against anyone from beacon hills )

I know a lot of you are likely to think this entire thing is stupid with how I'm posting it anonymously, but unlike some people, I know how to use the function and I'm well within my rights to post it anonymously especially considering the content.

If, at home, someone did something to you, something horrible that stripped you of what— what's supposed to be you, and took away your control and forced you into doing things because that's the only way that they'd stop and let you have control again and then decided that once you did what they asked that they wouldn't leave you alone, do they deserve to be punished? Should you want to kill them because that's the only way that maybe they'll finally leave you alone? They're not a good person, not in the slightest, I think. And they're on the ship, which, I know all of you are going to say go to security, they'll handle this but this is— beyond their area of jurisdiction because they haven't attacked you on the ship, and they've left you alone because you asked them to, but I don't know if they'll go back on their word or attack me again. If I do something wrong, they would, and—

I've had to do things for them on the ship because they wanted something and I could make it so they could get it because people trust me, and I've been doing it and I think they almost have it.

Do any of you know what it's like to be stuck between two options where one ends in someone hurting you in so many ways because they know every weakness you have and knows how to exploit them and the other has you betraying people and manipulating them in ways that you find yourself feeling guilty about? I just keep lying and hoping no one finds out and it's different than just acting like nothing's wrong because that's at least denial this is just being backed into a corner where I feel like I'm as bad as the person I'm helping. To where I think maybe I'm as evil as they are, because I'm using all these people too and if they deserve to die or be punished in ways that are deemed torture, I do too don't I?

Because I'm no better than them. Everything they've done to me, I've done my version of it to other people and I hate just want to make it all go away. I know how to kill them now, but I can't do it, can I? I don't deserve to get away from this, not after what I've done. Even if I want to. Even if I could.

[ ooc | cut texted purely because of the sensitive subject matter that has to do with what is basically abuse, general assault of a minor and sexual themes. if any of these are triggers, pass on by, or if you choose to read tread very carefully. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

And you're going to have to tell Edgeworth, because he's your secretary.

Forgetting the fact that he's about as tactful as a bull and is deciding he's really concerned about the state of my psyche when thank you, I'm not stupid, I know that's not it.

[ Lydia doesn't it want it painted up, doesn't need it to be dressed in a pretty little box with a bow tied on it. She wants the truth and facts because those have to be real and those can't be refuted. ]

No.

[She doesn't tell Edgeworth everything. Can't tell him everything. And he knows that.]

No what?

[ Because she needs to hear the exact words, or at least read them because that's a reassurance that Tyke won't tell anyone anything she'll said. ]

No I don't have to tell Edgeworth.
If it doesn't relate to him or needs the team involved, I won't tell him.

It'll just be between us if those conditions are met?

There might be people I need to tell in order to help you.

[That's what she'd meant by resources.]

But I won't tell anyone outside of that.
+ I will always discuss with you beforehand.

I'll— later I might get in contact with you.

Not now. I— you really won't tell anyone, even your resources until I give permission?

I won't.

...I'll— consider it. I'm not saying I'll even do any murder but this isn't something I like to talk about and forgive me if considering the fact that I know the extent of my problem, I'm a little dubious about whether or not you can really help.

Even with your extra people.

You don't know the extent of what I can do.
Or the people I could contact.
Knowing the extent of your problem could drive you to murder, don't you want to assess all the possibilities before you act?

Would you ever want to tell someone something like this when there's no guarantee they could help?

[ Though, yes, Tyke, you're right, she would, but— ]

I'd never want to tell anyone.
But I'd do what I had to.

Give me time and I'll tell you if I want to. Deal?

You have my number.

third molotov cocktail made ☾ ( anonymous text | locked against anyone from beacon hills )

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