lчdíα ( вєttєr thαn αnч σthєr αlphα ) mαrtín (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
mathematically) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
ataraxion2013-03-20 03:07 pm
mathematically) wrote in ataraxion2013-03-20 03:07 pm
Entry tags:
- angel,
- charles xavier,
- damon salvatore,
- debra morgan,
- donna paulsen,
- elena gilbert,
- hayley stark,
- helen magnus,
- irene adler (2009),
- laughing beauty,
- lauren reed,
- leonard church (alpha),
- lucrezia borgia,
- lydia martin,
- mr. gold (rumplestiltskin),
- natasha romanoff,
- nill,
- obi-wan kenobi,
- richard b. riddick,
- robb stark,
- stefan salvatore,
- tate langdon,
- taylor "tyke" kee,
- tobias,
- wesley gibson
third molotov cocktail made ☾ ( anonymous text | locked against anyone from beacon hills )
I know a lot of you are likely to think this entire thing is stupid with how I'm posting it anonymously, but unlike some people, I know how to use the function and I'm well within my rights to post it anonymously especially considering the content.
If, at home, someone did something to you, something horrible that stripped you of what— what's supposed to be you, and took away your control and forced you into doing things because that's the only way that they'd stop and let you have control again and then decided that once you did what they asked that they wouldn't leave you alone, do they deserve to be punished? Should you want to kill them because that's the only way that maybe they'll finally leave you alone? They're not a good person, not in the slightest, I think. And they're on the ship, which, I know all of you are going to say go to security, they'll handle this but this is— beyond their area of jurisdiction because they haven't attacked you on the ship, and they've left you alone because you asked them to, but I don't know if they'll go back on their word or attack me again. If I do something wrong, they would, and—
I've had to do things for them on the ship because they wanted something and I could make it so they could get it because people trust me, and I've been doing it and I think they almost have it.
Do any of you know what it's like to be stuck between two options where one ends in someone hurting you in so many ways because they know every weakness you have and knows how to exploit them and the other has you betraying people and manipulating them in ways that you find yourself feeling guilty about? I just keep lying and hoping no one finds out and it's different than just acting like nothing's wrong because that's at least denial this is just being backed into a corner where I feel like I'm as bad as the person I'm helping. To where I think maybe I'm as evil as they are, because I'm using all these people too and if they deserve to die or be punished in ways that are deemed torture, I do too don't I?
Because I'm no better than them. Everything they've done to me, I've done my version of it to other people and I hate just want to make it all go away. I know how to kill them now, but I can't do it, can I? I don't deserve to get away from this, not after what I've done. Even if I want to. Even if I could.
[ ooc | cut texted purely because of the sensitive subject matter that has to do with what is basically abuse, general assault of a minor and sexual themes. if any of these are triggers, pass on by, or if you choose to read tread very carefully. ]
If, at home, someone did something to you, something horrible that stripped you of what— what's supposed to be you, and took away your control and forced you into doing things because that's the only way that they'd stop and let you have control again and then decided that once you did what they asked that they wouldn't leave you alone, do they deserve to be punished? Should you want to kill them because that's the only way that maybe they'll finally leave you alone? They're not a good person, not in the slightest, I think. And they're on the ship, which, I know all of you are going to say go to security, they'll handle this but this is— beyond their area of jurisdiction because they haven't attacked you on the ship, and they've left you alone because you asked them to, but I don't know if they'll go back on their word or attack me again. If I do something wrong, they would, and—
I've had to do things for them on the ship because they wanted something and I could make it so they could get it because people trust me, and I've been doing it and I think they almost have it.
Do any of you know what it's like to be stuck between two options where one ends in someone hurting you in so many ways because they know every weakness you have and knows how to exploit them and the other has you betraying people and manipulating them in ways that you find yourself feeling guilty about? I just keep lying and hoping no one finds out and it's different than just acting like nothing's wrong because that's at least denial this is just being backed into a corner where I feel like I'm as bad as the person I'm helping. To where I think maybe I'm as evil as they are, because I'm using all these people too and if they deserve to die or be punished in ways that are deemed torture, I do too don't I?
Because I'm no better than them. Everything they've done to me, I've done my version of it to other people and I hate just want to make it all go away. I know how to kill them now, but I can't do it, can I? I don't deserve to get away from this, not after what I've done. Even if I want to. Even if I could.
[ ooc | cut texted purely because of the sensitive subject matter that has to do with what is basically abuse, general assault of a minor and sexual themes. if any of these are triggers, pass on by, or if you choose to read tread very carefully. ]
no subject
as for whoever is bothering you just make sure you plan it out to the finest detail.
make sure that if you do decide to kill him he dies. make more than one way to kill him if possible.
because honestly do you think there's any better way to handle this?
no subject
...not really. it's the only i might be sure that it stops once and for all. and that's— i really want that. you get it, or something, or you wouldn't be telling me this.
no subject
i definitely understand though. i dealt with a group of people once that hated my entire... community i guess you could call it.
we all thought that ignoring them would make them go away but it didn't.
we should have killed them when we had the chance. and if you think you can kill that person you should too.
no subject
...i— we'll see what happens. thanks for the input, i guess? that's what people say i think.
no subject
i'm not any expert on that either but good luck.
that's the thing people should say right?
no subject
but only if you mean it or yeah.
no subject
even if luck won't really help you as much as actual skill will.
no subject
so skill shouldn't hopefully be a problem.
but yeah, thank you random anon person who i don't know and who doesn't know me. i'll let you get back to whatever you do on this ship. or whatever you were doing before you answered this.