third molotov cocktail made ☾ ( anonymous text | locked against anyone from beacon hills )

[mathematically]

I know a lot of you are likely to think this entire thing is stupid with how I'm posting it anonymously, but unlike some people, I know how to use the function and I'm well within my rights to post it anonymously especially considering the content.

If, at home, someone did something to you, something horrible that stripped you of what— what's supposed to be you, and took away your control and forced you into doing things because that's the only way that they'd stop and let you have control again and then decided that once you did what they asked that they wouldn't leave you alone, do they deserve to be punished? Should you want to kill them because that's the only way that maybe they'll finally leave you alone? They're not a good person, not in the slightest, I think. And they're on the ship, which, I know all of you are going to say go to security, they'll handle this but this is— beyond their area of jurisdiction because they haven't attacked you on the ship, and they've left you alone because you asked them to, but I don't know if they'll go back on their word or attack me again. If I do something wrong, they would, and—

I've had to do things for them on the ship because they wanted something and I could make it so they could get it because people trust me, and I've been doing it and I think they almost have it.

Do any of you know what it's like to be stuck between two options where one ends in someone hurting you in so many ways because they know every weakness you have and knows how to exploit them and the other has you betraying people and manipulating them in ways that you find yourself feeling guilty about? I just keep lying and hoping no one finds out and it's different than just acting like nothing's wrong because that's at least denial this is just being backed into a corner where I feel like I'm as bad as the person I'm helping. To where I think maybe I'm as evil as they are, because I'm using all these people too and if they deserve to die or be punished in ways that are deemed torture, I do too don't I?

Because I'm no better than them. Everything they've done to me, I've done my version of it to other people and I hate just want to make it all go away. I know how to kill them now, but I can't do it, can I? I don't deserve to get away from this, not after what I've done. Even if I want to. Even if I could.

[ ooc | cut texted purely because of the sensitive subject matter that has to do with what is basically abuse, general assault of a minor and sexual themes. if any of these are triggers, pass on by, or if you choose to read tread very carefully. ]

Comments

perma-anon text as well!

[mathematically]

you're missing apostrophes.

[ Because that's better than focusing on anything else that she said, because what she's saying is true. ]

no one suspects anything is wrong or if they have, they definitely haven't asked me about it.

[ A lie, technically, she knows someone has asked but she's anon, she doesn't have to tell the truth. ]

[fuckinghysterical]

i know. but it takes so long to make this device get to those.

[She wanted to put a :c emote so badly there, but right-- she was trying to be anonymous... even if her typing style was still pretty distinctive to anyone who knew her.]

but if you'd prefer it just forgive that the messages will take me a little while longer.

[Congrats, Lydia. She doesn't even know you and you've probably permanently changed how she types. Because if one anonymous person was annoyed by her lack of apostrophes, did it mean that everyone was? Oh dear, she had to adjust to this.]

anyway that's worse off for everyone if they're totally in the dark. it means that whoever is doing this to you might do it to them too and they wouldn't see it coming.

it's always the worst when people are completely unprepared for a threat like that.

[Because she -- along with the rest of her village -- was in that position herself, so long ago.]

[mathematically]

it's fine. it's not like i'm trying to get everyone to text really fast around me.

[ There's a funny thing about that simple action, though LB can't see it. It makes Lydia smile, because all she said is you're missing apostrophes and this person had changed it. ]

the people left me in the dark about them at home. technically i'm returning the favor.

some of them of them already know what they're capable of not like me but—.

[fuckinghysterical]

so wait there was more people that were being fucked around with by this person and they didn't do anything about them???

couldn't you guys team up against a common enemy?

well unless all of you hate each other or something of the sort.

but if it meant killing someone that torments you i'm pretty sure i could put up with a temporary truce.

[mathematically]

no it was just me. it's always been officially just me being messed around with.

we're all actually friends. or something close to it. they knew who attacked me and i didn't. they never told me. i found out when he started to mess with me.

[fuckinghysterical]

ok so these guys knew and they didn't even bother to tell you who was attacking you in the first place???

that's fucked up.

but still that doesn't change the fact that you need to figure out some way to eliminate that man.

[mathematically]

they wanted to protect me and i didn't tell them things too so it's not like they knew beyond the first time.

i can't afford it blowing back on me. it— it's not easy to do it. if it goes wrong i'm in a worse situation than i am now.

[fuckinghysterical]

i guess it was just a shitty situation all around then.

as for whoever is bothering you just make sure you plan it out to the finest detail.

make sure that if you do decide to kill him he dies. make more than one way to kill him if possible.

because honestly do you think there's any better way to handle this?

[mathematically]

shittier than i'm even letting on. but personal business and all.

...not really. it's the only i might be sure that it stops once and for all. and that's— i really want that. you get it, or something, or you wouldn't be telling me this.

[fuckinghysterical]

i understand, it would have been hard for me to tell as much as you have already anyway.

i definitely understand though. i dealt with a group of people once that hated my entire... community i guess you could call it.

we all thought that ignoring them would make them go away but it didn't.

we should have killed them when we had the chance. and if you think you can kill that person you should too.

[mathematically]

ignoring something always seems like the best plan until it isn't.

...i— we'll see what happens. thanks for the input, i guess? that's what people say i think.

[fuckinghysterical]

no shit.

i'm not any expert on that either but good luck.

that's the thing people should say right?

[mathematically]

i think so.

but only if you mean it or yeah.

[fuckinghysterical]

i do mean it!!!

even if luck won't really help you as much as actual skill will.

[mathematically]

i've gotten reasonably good with weapons since i've gotten here.

so skill shouldn't hopefully be a problem.

but yeah, thank you random anon person who i don't know and who doesn't know me. i'll let you get back to whatever you do on this ship. or whatever you were doing before you answered this.