lчdíα ( вєttєr thαn αnч σthєr αlphα ) mαrtín (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
mathematically) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
ataraxion2013-03-20 03:07 pm
mathematically) wrote in ataraxion2013-03-20 03:07 pm
Entry tags:
- angel,
- charles xavier,
- damon salvatore,
- debra morgan,
- donna paulsen,
- elena gilbert,
- hayley stark,
- helen magnus,
- irene adler (2009),
- laughing beauty,
- lauren reed,
- leonard church (alpha),
- lucrezia borgia,
- lydia martin,
- mr. gold (rumplestiltskin),
- natasha romanoff,
- nill,
- obi-wan kenobi,
- richard b. riddick,
- robb stark,
- stefan salvatore,
- tate langdon,
- taylor "tyke" kee,
- tobias,
- wesley gibson
third molotov cocktail made ☾ ( anonymous text | locked against anyone from beacon hills )
I know a lot of you are likely to think this entire thing is stupid with how I'm posting it anonymously, but unlike some people, I know how to use the function and I'm well within my rights to post it anonymously especially considering the content.
If, at home, someone did something to you, something horrible that stripped you of what— what's supposed to be you, and took away your control and forced you into doing things because that's the only way that they'd stop and let you have control again and then decided that once you did what they asked that they wouldn't leave you alone, do they deserve to be punished? Should you want to kill them because that's the only way that maybe they'll finally leave you alone? They're not a good person, not in the slightest, I think. And they're on the ship, which, I know all of you are going to say go to security, they'll handle this but this is— beyond their area of jurisdiction because they haven't attacked you on the ship, and they've left you alone because you asked them to, but I don't know if they'll go back on their word or attack me again. If I do something wrong, they would, and—
I've had to do things for them on the ship because they wanted something and I could make it so they could get it because people trust me, and I've been doing it and I think they almost have it.
Do any of you know what it's like to be stuck between two options where one ends in someone hurting you in so many ways because they know every weakness you have and knows how to exploit them and the other has you betraying people and manipulating them in ways that you find yourself feeling guilty about? I just keep lying and hoping no one finds out and it's different than just acting like nothing's wrong because that's at least denial this is just being backed into a corner where I feel like I'm as bad as the person I'm helping. To where I think maybe I'm as evil as they are, because I'm using all these people too and if they deserve to die or be punished in ways that are deemed torture, I do too don't I?
Because I'm no better than them. Everything they've done to me, I've done my version of it to other people and I hate just want to make it all go away. I know how to kill them now, but I can't do it, can I? I don't deserve to get away from this, not after what I've done. Even if I want to. Even if I could.
[ ooc | cut texted purely because of the sensitive subject matter that has to do with what is basically abuse, general assault of a minor and sexual themes. if any of these are triggers, pass on by, or if you choose to read tread very carefully. ]
If, at home, someone did something to you, something horrible that stripped you of what— what's supposed to be you, and took away your control and forced you into doing things because that's the only way that they'd stop and let you have control again and then decided that once you did what they asked that they wouldn't leave you alone, do they deserve to be punished? Should you want to kill them because that's the only way that maybe they'll finally leave you alone? They're not a good person, not in the slightest, I think. And they're on the ship, which, I know all of you are going to say go to security, they'll handle this but this is— beyond their area of jurisdiction because they haven't attacked you on the ship, and they've left you alone because you asked them to, but I don't know if they'll go back on their word or attack me again. If I do something wrong, they would, and—
I've had to do things for them on the ship because they wanted something and I could make it so they could get it because people trust me, and I've been doing it and I think they almost have it.
Do any of you know what it's like to be stuck between two options where one ends in someone hurting you in so many ways because they know every weakness you have and knows how to exploit them and the other has you betraying people and manipulating them in ways that you find yourself feeling guilty about? I just keep lying and hoping no one finds out and it's different than just acting like nothing's wrong because that's at least denial this is just being backed into a corner where I feel like I'm as bad as the person I'm helping. To where I think maybe I'm as evil as they are, because I'm using all these people too and if they deserve to die or be punished in ways that are deemed torture, I do too don't I?
Because I'm no better than them. Everything they've done to me, I've done my version of it to other people and I hate just want to make it all go away. I know how to kill them now, but I can't do it, can I? I don't deserve to get away from this, not after what I've done. Even if I want to. Even if I could.
[ ooc | cut texted purely because of the sensitive subject matter that has to do with what is basically abuse, general assault of a minor and sexual themes. if any of these are triggers, pass on by, or if you choose to read tread very carefully. ]
no subject
You shouldn't have to. I shouldn't— I shouldn't ask you to, because you're not— we're not friends. Only friends are supposed to do that.
no subject
perma-encrypted 100%
perma-encrypted 100%
Then let us put the queen back in the position she deserves to be in. Let us destroy her enemies and tend to her until she is smiling and graceful, powerful and unyielding.
no subject
You'll keep this a secret, right?
no subject
[ and perhaps the ship has got Lucrezia Borgia all wrong, perhaps she is not only sunlight and sweet songs. ]
I shall keep your secret, that I promise.
no subject
[ if Lydia had her device on voice right now, her tone wouldn't make it seem like she's disapproving of it. no, instead she actually delights in hearing those words. just a tiny bit. ]
Thank you. You're one of the few people I can count on to do that, you know.
no subject
We shall be each other's companions, then.
no subject
I guess we will. Promise me you won't try and find him yourself. Or find out who it is so that you can put the fear of God in him.
no subject
-- You have my word. But I shall hate him without knowing who he is. I shall hate him and pray that someone else will.
no subject
I can take that. He's a creepy guy anyway. He deserves all the hate you can throw at him.
Don't ever break your word, okay, I'll be mad and it'll be a mess.
no subject
[ or not but Lucrezia tries. ]
no subject
[ She'll take trying, at least this once. ]
I might come see you soon. If you're okay with that.
no subject