lчdíα ( вєttєr thαn αnч σthєr αlphα ) mαrtín (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
mathematically) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
ataraxion2013-03-20 03:07 pm
mathematically) wrote in ataraxion2013-03-20 03:07 pm
Entry tags:
- angel,
- charles xavier,
- damon salvatore,
- debra morgan,
- donna paulsen,
- elena gilbert,
- hayley stark,
- helen magnus,
- irene adler (2009),
- laughing beauty,
- lauren reed,
- leonard church (alpha),
- lucrezia borgia,
- lydia martin,
- mr. gold (rumplestiltskin),
- natasha romanoff,
- nill,
- obi-wan kenobi,
- richard b. riddick,
- robb stark,
- stefan salvatore,
- tate langdon,
- taylor "tyke" kee,
- tobias,
- wesley gibson
third molotov cocktail made ☾ ( anonymous text | locked against anyone from beacon hills )
I know a lot of you are likely to think this entire thing is stupid with how I'm posting it anonymously, but unlike some people, I know how to use the function and I'm well within my rights to post it anonymously especially considering the content.
If, at home, someone did something to you, something horrible that stripped you of what— what's supposed to be you, and took away your control and forced you into doing things because that's the only way that they'd stop and let you have control again and then decided that once you did what they asked that they wouldn't leave you alone, do they deserve to be punished? Should you want to kill them because that's the only way that maybe they'll finally leave you alone? They're not a good person, not in the slightest, I think. And they're on the ship, which, I know all of you are going to say go to security, they'll handle this but this is— beyond their area of jurisdiction because they haven't attacked you on the ship, and they've left you alone because you asked them to, but I don't know if they'll go back on their word or attack me again. If I do something wrong, they would, and—
I've had to do things for them on the ship because they wanted something and I could make it so they could get it because people trust me, and I've been doing it and I think they almost have it.
Do any of you know what it's like to be stuck between two options where one ends in someone hurting you in so many ways because they know every weakness you have and knows how to exploit them and the other has you betraying people and manipulating them in ways that you find yourself feeling guilty about? I just keep lying and hoping no one finds out and it's different than just acting like nothing's wrong because that's at least denial this is just being backed into a corner where I feel like I'm as bad as the person I'm helping. To where I think maybe I'm as evil as they are, because I'm using all these people too and if they deserve to die or be punished in ways that are deemed torture, I do too don't I?
Because I'm no better than them. Everything they've done to me, I've done my version of it to other people and I hate just want to make it all go away. I know how to kill them now, but I can't do it, can I? I don't deserve to get away from this, not after what I've done. Even if I want to. Even if I could.
[ ooc | cut texted purely because of the sensitive subject matter that has to do with what is basically abuse, general assault of a minor and sexual themes. if any of these are triggers, pass on by, or if you choose to read tread very carefully. ]
If, at home, someone did something to you, something horrible that stripped you of what— what's supposed to be you, and took away your control and forced you into doing things because that's the only way that they'd stop and let you have control again and then decided that once you did what they asked that they wouldn't leave you alone, do they deserve to be punished? Should you want to kill them because that's the only way that maybe they'll finally leave you alone? They're not a good person, not in the slightest, I think. And they're on the ship, which, I know all of you are going to say go to security, they'll handle this but this is— beyond their area of jurisdiction because they haven't attacked you on the ship, and they've left you alone because you asked them to, but I don't know if they'll go back on their word or attack me again. If I do something wrong, they would, and—
I've had to do things for them on the ship because they wanted something and I could make it so they could get it because people trust me, and I've been doing it and I think they almost have it.
Do any of you know what it's like to be stuck between two options where one ends in someone hurting you in so many ways because they know every weakness you have and knows how to exploit them and the other has you betraying people and manipulating them in ways that you find yourself feeling guilty about? I just keep lying and hoping no one finds out and it's different than just acting like nothing's wrong because that's at least denial this is just being backed into a corner where I feel like I'm as bad as the person I'm helping. To where I think maybe I'm as evil as they are, because I'm using all these people too and if they deserve to die or be punished in ways that are deemed torture, I do too don't I?
Because I'm no better than them. Everything they've done to me, I've done my version of it to other people and I hate just want to make it all go away. I know how to kill them now, but I can't do it, can I? I don't deserve to get away from this, not after what I've done. Even if I want to. Even if I could.
[ ooc | cut texted purely because of the sensitive subject matter that has to do with what is basically abuse, general assault of a minor and sexual themes. if any of these are triggers, pass on by, or if you choose to read tread very carefully. ]
no subject
[ hell, damon would probably even take a special interest in this (awkward need to help the greater good of people on the ship notwithstanding). ]
no subject
And it's— at this point I'd use all of you to just hold them down when I kill them. It's— even if I did name the name and said I want to kill them, it's still my kill.
[ there's probably something to be said about how she sounds just like a murderer but you know, whatever, she does not care at this point. ( though somewhere deep inside she's remembering just who reacted in what way to this post. always useful to know things and all. ) ]
no subject
[ being exposed to people like his ex-serial killer little bro has proven to damon that even the most allegedly pious people are full of it. ]
And it should be yours. What's the point of morality when they don't question it when they fuck with you? Tit for tat. Looks like half the ship agrees.
no subject
[ everyone is full of it, the sky is blue, water is wet, etc. ]
But if I take off my anonymous mask, I guarantee you that all those kill him comments will turn into let us kill him. People get really weird about girls killing people.
damon's a dick, news at 11.
Call it protective instinct. Shield you from getting blood on your hands. Sound's like you're more than capable of handling that.
and lydia's a bitch, news at 11.
Protective instinct is bullshit. I didn't ask for it, you're under no obligation to feel it unless I want you to. Especially if maybe there's something gratifying about having the blood on my hands.
well perfect, damon loves bitches
Probably something to think about before posting your feelings. Clearly you want us to feel something. Or you want us to help you not feel guilty when the blood shows up.
Either way: fuck whoever's wronged you.
[ this isn't him being supportive or anything, he just really thinks you should feel remorse about killing anyone. yup that's all it is. ]
yeah and look where that got you damon js
[ tread carefully, damon. for once. ]
Or I had what I'll call an explosion of feelings and what was a I supposed to do, scream it at the wall? And I wouldn't feel— that much guilt.
Fuck them, they deserve what they get, reap what they sow, that kind of thing?
[ uh-huh damon, it looks a little like support. just a little. ]