[ the number's a 022, but there's no questions about where they are or when they get to go home. will doesn't even really want to be making this post, but people are talking about animal bones, human remains, blood. and that's kind of his gig. ]

I'm not a trained forensic analyst, but if we've got the equipment to do so, I'd be willing to try and take a look at the organic tissue people found in their lockers. I got meat. Anyone else?

[Simon sounds all at once incredibly professional and slightly exasperated. It's enough to wonder if it's his default mode--and of course, the answer is yes. The slightly hesitant tone of his voice makes it clear that this is something he's wanted to say for a while, but just hasn't figured out the best way to articulate it.

Better late than never.]

So this is…probably not what anyone wants to hear so close to the jump, but I'm starting to think we're slightly overdue for a staff meeting. I'm willing to overlook a lot of things, but I am...of the belief that we'd benefit from a little group discussion. In...my opinion.

We're overworked. There are too many passengers and too few of us. Some of us aren't as familiar with the technology as we could be. It's hard, I know. There are bound to be...mishaps. Here and there. But in the past few months alone, we've had one botched autopsy, several missing bodies, and a human liver on the floor that...still doesn't have an identifiable owner.

I'd like to think we're more professional than this. The ship doesn't leave medical degrees in the lockers, so when someone joins this department claiming they have a certain amount of experience, all we can do is assess them and hope they're telling the truth.

[He's not saying that maybe some people are lying...but he's totally saying that maybe some people are lying.]

Ideally, we'll meet after the jump, once everyone is situated. In the meantime, however, if anyone has any concerns or...topics of discussion they'd like to bring to the table, please let me know. I'd appreciate it.

[DOESN'T THAT SOUND LIKE FUN.]

I don't really enjoy making these recordings so I'll try and be brief. While things are slow in medbay - and I know I'm probably jinxing it by saying that - I want to remind people that we're open for run of the mill check ups, consultations on existing ailments, examining any strange itches or lumps, help with nutrition or sleeping problems--anything you need. We've seen it all before.

For those of you who frequently put yourselves at risk, the medbay really works better when we have stock of your own blood available, which means coming in and getting it drawn. We have synthetic blood, and all sorts of injections and tablets that can improve the capacity of blood production, but nothing is better than getting your own blood back when you get injured. It's especially important in the case of gunshot wounds where you lose a lot of fluids much too quickly.

And uh, finally... [ Dexter scratches his nose. ] If you have any odd nutritional needs, it'd be better if we could discuss them now rather than have to pick up the bodies later. Medbay can help, just give us a call. I promise we'll be one hundred percent discreet, no matter what.

Oh-- [ Not quite done yet, okay. ] Does anyone know how to make bear claws? Jelly filled donuts? I owe someone an apology, and baked goods have always been the way to go.

[ dear tranquility. welcome to the network semi-debut of the hansel & gretel show. it starts with a semi-out of focus image of gretel as she adjusts the device to get both her and her brother (who should look familiar to some) in the picture. their weapons are visible in the background (it’s hard to miss a triple-action crossbow and a giant, phallic gun), but hansel blocks them from view as gretel has him stand next to her. she takes a moment to lean in and inspect it, frowning as she stands back and looks toward him. ]


I think it’s on. I’m still not sure how this thing works half the time.


[ taking a moment to eye the device with some obvious disdain, hansel turns his attention to gretel as she speaks, shrugging in response. can you guess which of the two of them decided to make this post? ]


How the fuck should I know? I still say this is a waste of time.


You might know if you bothered learning how to use it. [ jackass.


it’s a response that has him grinning now, though he does his best to hide it when he turns back to the device again. ]


So, you want to start?


[ gretel rolls her eyes, but resists the urge to smack him upside the head as she turns her attention back to the device. ]


All right. Hi, everyone. My name is Gretel and this [ she nods towards her brother ] is Hansel. We’re new arrivals to the ship, and we’ve heard that there’s need for the kind of services we provide.


We’re witch hunters. [ in case the weapons weren’t a giveaway ] So while you may not have the exact same kind of shit here we deal with back home, we know what we’re doing. [ see, he can be helpful here too, gretel. sometimes. ]


So if you run into anything you want taken care of, or if you think there may be leftover creatures in the darker sections of the ship, [ yes, she’s done her research (or as much as she could through the device) ] let us know. [ there’s a beat, and she glances toward hansel before speaking up again. ]


Also, if there’s anyone we can talk to from medical - [ well, he knows exactly where she’s going with this. so sorry sis, but that makes it time for him to take his leave temporarily. this is one topic he really doesn’t want to discuss on this network thing


gretel just glares at hansel’s retreating form before turning back to the device. ] - we need to do that as soon as possible. Thanks for your time.



ooc; purple = gretel; green = hansel. as a heads up to anyone replying, you’ll undoubtedly be doubleteamed by the pair. if you specifically only want to speak to one character (or have two individual threads), just give us a warning!

ETA: and yes, fourth-walling the fairy tale is welcome and encouraged.

[ generally speaking, leonard mccoy would like to avoid doing this sort of thing, but it's just his regrettable luck that he's the one who comes across what pretty much looks like someone decided to take someone's organ ( organs, maybe, just because there was just the liver there doesn't exactly mean the other parts weren't incinerated ) and bits of skin from them. those signs usually point to a murderer probably in medical which ten different shades of nowhere near okay or alternatively that— something else is going wrong. either way there are two things he knows right now. one, he needs to inform security and two, even if this isn't his medbay, he's allowed to yell at his fellow medical people. because they're goddamn medical personnel and you don't do this sort of thing to people. ]

[ encrypted 100% | tyke + reaper ]
Look, not sure which one of you counts as the head of security right now, and I honestly don't care. The fact of the matter is, there's something you two need to know. Especially in the wake of Dr. Frankenstein the last jump before I got here. There was— fuck it, I'll come right out and say it. There was a goddamn blood smear, a surprisingly intact liver and a few strips of flesh in the morgue near the incinerator. I have no idea why or where it came from, but there's a reason I'm doctor not a damn detective. I imagine you'll want to investigate and that's good for you. I know I'm not gonna touch it, but I can't guarantee everyone else might. So whatever you do with this, whoever you tell to get down here, might wanna do it quick. Especially since I am about to yell at the entirety of the goddamn medical staff.

[ encrypted 100% | all medical personnel ]

[ if mccoy sounds and looks annoyed when he talks, it's because he is. and it shows in how his accent thickens with each passing word and he knows later on, he might think about how this was stupid, but it needs to be said right now, or maybe they'll get unlucky and someone will do this again. ]

Let me make this very clear, I don't care how desperate we are for people to work here. How this is not my medbay and therefore me yellin' at you is mean and uncalled for. How, as always, there's more idiots on this ship than there are medical personnel who can patch them up with ease. Which means gettin' one of you all to leave is a bad idea. But— the basic idea of being in medical is to help people. I ain't gonna mention the Hippocratic Oath since some of you might not have even had to take it, but— cuttin' someone up and takin' their goddamn liver and leavin' blood and strips of flesh for someone else to come across breaks about every damn rule of helpin' people.

[ there's a pause, where bones takes a deep breath and looks even more aggravated than he already was. ]

Now I don't know if was one of you, or if one of you let the person who did this into the medical bay, but maybe, just maybe act like a decent whatever you are, and not make me concerned that I'm working with murderers and that I'll have to watch my back while I'm trying to do my job and helpin' everyone stay alive, heal from whatever stupidity they did.

[The Mayor is standing with his arms crossed, leaning against his desk, a serious expression on his face - indeed, a Dad Has Things To Say expression on his face. And so Dad starts in with the things he has to say, solemn but still with a politician's smoothness:]

Well, this sure isn't a happy day, but it's good to see almost all of us made it out of that okay. And it's good to see we kept a good number of them alive, as well. Getting blood on your hands is an ugly thing, and I'm sorry to all of you who went through with it.

[He straightens up.]

But it seems to me like we have another ugly thing in front of us. There are more than a few bodies out there, and sure, we didn't like 'em while they were alive, but that doesn't mean they don't have the right to a decent burial. Besides which, we sure as heck don't want 'em stinking up the place a month from now.

Now, I don't know much about space, but if we were at sea we'd be burying them at sea - so I assume the best thing to do would be to push them out the airlocks, right? And anyone who's able to do so can read the last rites.

[Probably better if he doesn't; the orders that he's a priest of tend to have...unpleasant going-away sermons.]

[The feed clicks on to show Taylor sat in the security office. The jump usually leaves her unwilling to really deal with people for a few days, and she doesn't precisely look friendly, expression set level and maybe slightly annoyed. Not interested in messing around, which only becomes clearer as she starts talking.]

I don't do the welcome committee, so I'm gonna keep this short as. My name's Tyke, I'm first wave and I'm head of SEC here on the Tranquility. The Security team are here to keep you safe and alive, and we do that job because this ship is going to try and kill you, or maim you, or fuck with your head. You can be stupid, or you can help us out by letting us deal with the real problems instead of dealing with you.

The rules we enforce among passengers are basic. You don't steal or damage each other's belongings or the ship, you don't assault each other, and you don't kill each other. If you break any of these rules we will take action. Punishment is decided case-by-case - we have a brig, we run infractions by Captain Ward. So don't ask me 'what would you do if'. I'm sick of hearing it.

It's additionally strongly advised you do not enter the unlit central sections of the ship. Whole place is hostile territory, but the dark is where the real fucked up lives. So stay out of it, if you want better odds.

If you've got a fighting, military or police background, we could use your skills on our team. If you don't have any of those skills but are still interested, we offer training. But keep in mind what you're signing up for. I run recruitment, contact me or Miles Edgeworth to schedule assessment.

[A pause, and she glances off camera at something briefly before adding,]

There's a dog here. German Shep. [And because she knows what response some people might give,] No, it's not mine.

( [FILTERED TO SECURITY | ENCRYPTED 95%] )

[The feed clicks on to show Miles Edgeworth, James Kirk and Tyke gathered around the head of the table in the Security office. Kirk is standing between the two, Tyke leaning far back in her seat, while the rigidity of Edgeworth’s posture seems to be trying to make up enough formality for all of them.]

Good day. This is Miles Edgeworth of the Security Department, speaking to you alongside Tyke, the head of Security, and James Kirk of the Gunnery crew. What we bring before you today is the new formation of the Exploratory Team.

[Tyke cuts in, there, expression tense and harshly annoyed.]

Before any of you start getting excited over that name, we’re doing this for those of you who think two deaths and one maiming still makes the dark parts of the ship look like a fun fucking time. You might wanna ignore common sense and us, but our job is to keep you safe, which means we can’t ignore you.

[Edgeworth glances over slightly at the profanity, but doesn’t react any more than that.] There may be some among you who will want to turn off this broadcast right now; you may think that you’re already qualified to simply go out there by yourselves. However, there are a few very good reasons why you’d not wish to do that.

First: the entire purpose of this initiative is indeed to keep you alive. “Highly qualified people” have already gone out there, and they have perished, as shall you if you decide that you, a highly qualified person, can act alone. Second, going through the teams means that you’ll not only have other trained people to watch your back, but you’ll also have access to critical supplies. Food, for instance. And weaponry, from the Gunnery crew.

[Kirk bumps in here, both palms flat on the table, and when he leans toward the camera the light catches in the silver at his temple.]

We know we can’t stop any of you going out there, and we aren’t going to try. We’re offering you the option of going out in teams to let us know when and where you’re going. This is both so we can keep track of everyone and so we know the general direction to head in if you get in trouble. That, and there’s a safety in numbers. Those things hunt in packs and they’re smart. If you get ambushed, you may come out less than fortunate.

[see, Erik Lensherr]

Anyone going out should first check into Security with your group. You’ll be required to have at least one person that knows first aid and to have a weapon. As Edgeworth said, if you’re unarmed and you’re going into the ship, contact the Gunnery and we can discuss letting you borrow a firearm. If you don’t have a group, talk to us and we can form one for you.

[Tyke leans in from her seat, finally. And it’s probably a deliberate choice that she’s only wearing a tank top rather than a hoodie or her jump suit, her own encounter with the manticores clearly evident in the large bite scarred around her right shoulder.]

Gonna say again, this isn’t for everyone to get to head out there. This is us making it so anyone who is really gonna insist on it does it as safe as we can manage. You don’t have the people, we’ll get you in with some. You don’t have the skills, we’ll get you training. We don’t need more people dying if there’s shit we can be doing to prevent it.

[Edgeworth nods once.]

I’ll be handling the administrative side of this. Contact me if you want to register for being formed into a group, or if you have a pre-formed group but wish training or supplies. The smartest thing you can do, if you’re considering heading out there, is sitting down and considering whether your life truly is worth so little on-board this ship. The smartest thing you can do is consider: will people truly miss me so little that I can throw away my life by going out there?

The second-smartest thing you can do is at least go out there prepared. And that’s what we’re ensuring.

[Kirk glances to Edgeworth with that little bit of advice, but doesn’t let the curious frown come through in his expression. he looks back to the camera.]

We’ll be here to answer any questions you have.

[and he reaches forward to end the transmission]


[ooc: And thank you for your collective attention, Tranquility! Use this post to ask questions and to form groups if you’d like. Jump each other! Go wild! Meanwhile, if you’d like to have your characters sign up to join groups, hit up this ooc post here.
LOVELY MAGENTA is for Edgeworth, blue is for Tyke, gold is for Kirk.]

[ ah, the Network. weirdly, Wichita missed it. probably because she hates when things are too quiet, and the sound of static really just reminds her of the movie The Poltergeist ( which, she doesn't care who you are, that movie was freaking horrifying ) so. yeah. she missed this bit of normalcy that she'd gotten used to since she arrived here on the ship. and oh yeah, its been a year. a year. that's way longer than- well, it's too long. but anyway, she's in a good mood, oh yes, for the first time in say.. oh.. a month, ish, she's in a genuinely good mood. why? oh, no reason. also, just ignore that curly-haired guy sitting on the bed behind her. dumdedum. ]

I'm not sure how I feel about these messages of mine becoming a regular thing, but considering the last month? Whatever. Basically - the bar's up in full swing, as always, except Brian's back in action so prepare yourselves for the same verbal assault you've all come to know and love when enjoying a drink there. [ why does she sound so fond of that concept ] Since we've got some new faces, I figure I might ask - anybody got an iPod they wouldn't mind loaning to the bar sometimes? Not for nothing, but I feel bad borrowing Jenna's every day, and I can't handle listening to the same ten 90s dance jams CDs that we got in there. So. iPod! Lend them out for the common good, please. But only if you've got good taste in music.

[ and with that, she clicks her tongue, gives a mock salute, and ends the open feed]

--

[ TEAM JAILBAIT ENCRYPTION: 90% ]
Alright, after this last jump pod fiasco, I'm done with waiting around. If you can read this, it means you're into the idea of meeting up to talk about the stuff that goes on here, and teaming up if the situation calls for it. It means you're done waiting around for the "guys in charge" to let us know what's up when they think we can handle it. I know Hayley's been seeking people out - good. I've given the encryption to a few people myself, just 'cause I know you all weren't around when we got hit with the smurf plague. That's what kinda started all this. And it doesn't matter if you weren't here for it, we still want to, uh. Team up and stay safe.

This ship is full of people that will stab you in the back if it means getting out ahead, and that means we need to know we can trust each other to watch out for each other. [ was that redundant? it was redundant. whatever. she's not a public speaker, get off her ass. also yeah, she realizes that anybody that ran into her while she was wearing her mask will realize she pretty much just described her old self to a T, but she won't bring up the irony of it. ] I think the best way to figure out where we all stand and what we're willing to do, is to meet up. Talk it out. Let's put it all out there so we know who we've got, what we can do, and how we can use it to our advantage.

If that... sounds like something you're into, I'm calling a meeting, officially. Three hours from now, in the Rec Room on the 20th floor. For the new people, there's lits that'll bring you straight up, no problem. And you've probably heard by now that wandering the halls alone is unsafe, so grab someone to head up there with you, but for the most part, the passenger halls are fine. ..Just watch out if you see a turkey wandering around, she's an asshole. ... Right.

Oh, and keep this to yourselves, yeah? If we're gonna be pooling information, I want it to stay between us. Kinda defeats the purpose if we've got people breathing down our necks, yeah?

See you soon.


[ ooc: want your "kid" in on this? see this ooc post, please! ]

Say 'hello', Lamby. [ Yes, this is a grown man in your video feed with a tiny flannel sheep. Dexter holds it up to the camera, looking at it wistfully as he does. He would. It'd his son's favourite. ] Baaa.

[ And that's quite enough of that. The man's eyes lift up, and then he retreats enough that Dexter is entirely visible on the sceen from the chest up, wearing a frankly garish printed shirt and a bright smile. The smile is fake. All of this is fake. A normal person responding to a normal situation, not Dexter with what Dexter knows about this place. Dexter who's stuck between wanting to go home to his son and... Other Things. Dexter Divided. ]

I mean I know this is Florida and anything can happen, but aren't space theme park rides a little passe? Don't get me wrong, I think Space Mountain is as cool as the next person, but that's a roller coaster. I've had to walk everywhere since I got here. Everything's broken, the food is lousy, sleeping arrangements are cramped - and I live in Miami; I know cramped!

[ And while we're on the topic of theme parks... ]

I urge you to reconsider opening this theme park, Mr. Hammond. It's just not safe. Wait-- [ He cocks his head to one side, as though listening. ] What's that sound? [ The table jumps, jumps, as though something heavy is making it rattle. Suddenly his own hand leaps out at him, a tiny, homicidal flannel sheep taking him by the throat and knocking him out of his chair as he gives a very fake yell. ] Argh!

[ Oh no, he's back. Too much time playing with small children, he can't help himself. ]

Just kidding. But seriously, I'd like to go home now, please. I know, I know, everyone must say that, right?