005; video

[learnedtosmile]

[Hello again, Tranquility. Blake's face is probably not a popular one, after his last appearance, but today he looks tired and remorseful instead of angry. So that's an improvement, right? Indeed, he wouldn't even be doing this except he knows he owes it to everyone. So he definitely looks like a man who is biting the bullet – a particularly unpleasant, embarrassing one.]

I know a lot of you were really confused and angry over my last network post. I'm sure many of you would rather not give me the time of day right now, and that's fair enough. I don't deserve much, after the things I said and did. I certainly don't deserve or expect forgiveness for them. But I owe it to everyone to apologize, so that's what I'm doing.

[Here he glances away momentarily. He hates talking about... private things, about feelings, but this is his responsibility right now.]

I wore my mask. A few times. It was a really bad call on my part, but at the time I thought that would be the best way to figure out what it did. Be the guinea pig, I guess. I didn't anticipate the consequences. Every minor annoyance became a major problem, became something that I needed to blame someone for, and my brain-to-mouth filter was completely removed.

I don't say this to excuse myself – there is no excuse for what I said, because those were still my words, or what I did, because those were always my actions. I was in control of myself, albeit in an altered state. It was still me making those choices, and they were bad ones, and I take full responsibility for them.

That said, I don't actually believe the things I said. There are always issues, problems, points of contention, in any community, but I sincerely believe that most of the people on this ship are doing their best to help everyone, to figure this out and get us home. What I said, the way I acted, I learned a long time ago that those things are not productive. It was stupid of me, and I'm sorry.

I really can't say it enough: I'm sorry.


((ooc: so Blake has been noticeably absent both on the network and on the Tranquility in general since his angry post of anger. Pretty much the only thing he's been doing are his security patrols; otherwise he's basically been in his room, brooding, not talking to anyone he normally talks to. Feel free to comment on this!))

Comments

text; 80%

[dirtyword]

I need to talk to you.

text; 80%

[learnedtosmile]

Okay.

text; 80%

[dirtyword]

off the network. 4 floor kitchen. 10 minutes.

video;

[cargojet]

So that outburst last week, you're seriously blaming that on your mask? Too hard to admit you're just an asshole?

video;

[learnedtosmile]

I'm not blaming it on anything except my own stupidity.

And I'm perfectly willing to admit I was being an asshole.

video;

[cargojet]

Didn't sound like that to me. Won't sound that way to anyone else, and you'll spook people to boot. You got any idea how many people have put those things on?

Besides, what proof have you got that you're not still an asshole apart from your word?

[text]

[jurisimpudent]

Every word seemed to have been the product of a long-simmering resentment.

[text] 80% encryption

[learnedtosmile]

Some of it was, but honestly, it wasn't a resentment borne of this place, or anyone here. It was misdirected, to put it mildly, and I sincerely apologize that you ended up at the receiving end of it.

[text] 80% encryption

[jurisimpudent]

Forgive my contradiction, but it seemed terribly specific to be "misdirected." If you think those things, fine; you would do better to give them voice.

» audio

[thenormalsquint]

Everybody deserves a second chance.

[Which means he's forgiven by her.]

» audio

[learnedtosmile]

Thanks. That's nice of you to say.

[He didn't expect it, but it does kind of help, knowing the stuff he'll have to deal with from others.]

» audio

[thenormalsquint]

It's the truth. I'm not going to say you didn't irritate me, but... it wasn't fully your fault. There was a trigger of some sort. It fed on things and it blew up. You made a mistake and you're owning up to it. I respect that. It takes a lot of nerve.

text;

[puppydogeyes]

[Taylor hadn't gone near his last appearance on the network, because it had blindsided her, truly. The idea that some people might have trouble with how any of the ship's authority figures might be doing things wasn't lost on her, but her own confidence wasn't as solid as she made out, and Blake had seemed reliable. Steady. She hadn't known what to do with his outburst and she isn't sure what to do with this, either. But she responds, eventually,]

You got rid of it?

text;

[learnedtosmile]

[He's not sure what kind of reaction he expected from Tyke. She never responded to his outburst, which he supposes is a good thing, but still.]

Yes, it's taken care of.

I was impressed with the way you handled the power loss thing.

[He offers that, for whatever reason. Recompense, maybe. She's one of the few people who has earned his respect here.]

text;

[puppydogeyes]

Just doing my job.

[Because as much as that's better to hear than what he'd been saying before, that doesn't mean she's any better at reacting to it. Better to deal with things that can actually be dealt with, right.]

How?
If they're fucking with people we're going to have to keep an eye out.

[Both for more people affected like he was and maybe trying to contain the masks themselves.]

voice; locked

[coffeeking]

That's what the masks do? They... what, amplify your anger?

voice; locked

[learnedtosmile]

It's what mine did to me. The only explanation I could come up with for my sudden behavior changes. I was exhausted after the power-down incident, but I've been exhausted like that before and I never let it get to me. The mask was the only other recent change. [Deductive reasoning: he has it.]

voice; locked

[coffeeking]

How many times did you wear it?

voice.

[wigs]

I'm sure everyone understands, dear. At least you had the good grace to apologize for your outburst.

[Effie actually has gone back and looked at his previous network post. To her, it was merely a fit of temper -- warranted or unwarranted, she doesn't know. But that's not the topic at hand.]

voice.

[learnedtosmile]

I appreciate the support, but mostly it's up to the people I hurt to decide if they accept my apology or not.

[It's said as kindly as he can manage - he understands there are a bunch of new people now, who weren't present for his original outburst and probably don't understand the full context of it or what he did. But he does appreciate the sentiment.]

voice.

[wigs]

I hope they do. If I cut ties with all the people who've been thoughtless or unkind, I'd only have myself to talk to.

[And not even then. It's an attempt at reassurance that could be phrased better, but her intentions are good.]

video | catcrypts it up like no other

[felinely]

[ Look who decided to grace the network with her face - aren't you lucky, Blake? ]

So you're blaming that outburst on The Mask? [ and yes, she doesn't look all too impressed, but she is willing to listen to him here and see why he thinks that. ]

video | catcrypts it up like no other

[learnedtosmile]

[Wow, Selina, that's really shocking. What's up with you today?]

Like I said, I did what I did out of my own free will.

But the mask, it definitely altered my... perception.

video;

[unforgives]

Wearing the mask has that sort of effect?

video;

[learnedtosmile]

It did to me. It took me a little while to realize it, partly because I was pretty tired after the lockdown, and partly because I didn't want to see it. But then I started hallucinating.