ataraxion | 005; video

[Hello again, Tranquility. Blake's face is probably not a popular one, after his last appearance, but today he looks tired and remorseful instead of angry. So that's an improvement, right? Indeed, he wouldn't even be doing this except he knows he owes it to everyone. So he definitely looks like a man who is biting the bullet – a particularly unpleasant, embarrassing one.]

I know a lot of you were really confused and angry over my last network post. I'm sure many of you would rather not give me the time of day right now, and that's fair enough. I don't deserve much, after the things I said and did. I certainly don't deserve or expect forgiveness for them. But I owe it to everyone to apologize, so that's what I'm doing.

[Here he glances away momentarily. He hates talking about... private things, about feelings, but this is his responsibility right now.]

I wore my mask. A few times. It was a really bad call on my part, but at the time I thought that would be the best way to figure out what it did. Be the guinea pig, I guess. I didn't anticipate the consequences. Every minor annoyance became a major problem, became something that I needed to blame someone for, and my brain-to-mouth filter was completely removed.

I don't say this to excuse myself – there is no excuse for what I said, because those were still my words, or what I did, because those were always my actions. I was in control of myself, albeit in an altered state. It was still me making those choices, and they were bad ones, and I take full responsibility for them.

That said, I don't actually believe the things I said. There are always issues, problems, points of contention, in any community, but I sincerely believe that most of the people on this ship are doing their best to help everyone, to figure this out and get us home. What I said, the way I acted, I learned a long time ago that those things are not productive. It was stupid of me, and I'm sorry.

I really can't say it enough: I'm sorry.

((ooc: so Blake has been noticeably absent both on the network and on the Tranquility in general since his angry post of anger. Pretty much the only thing he's been doing are his security patrols; otherwise he's basically been in his room, brooding, not talking to anyone he normally talks to. Feel free to comment on this!))

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[He hesitates a long time because wow, is he not used to talking about this stuff with anyone, ever.

But he also... well, Angela seems to know a lot about this kind of thing. Feelings and stuff. So maybe she can help him if he tells her a little more.]

What if someone says they don't want to talk to me ever again?

Usually, it's hyperbole. They say it out of anger. However, don't push it. Let them come around.

Who said that to you?

Yeah, I mean, I haven't. I won't... bother her.

[If she could see his face, it would look... incredibly sheepish.]

I- You don't have to deal with this, it's not. Anything that you need to worry about.

Shut up. [It's said softly, but firm. Tough love.] You let me worry about what I have and don't have to deal with. Who is she?

[WELP. Okay then.]

Ariadne.

I'll talk to her.

[There she goes, getting involved in other people's business again.]

No. Don't - don't do that, she'll just get mad that I told you. That won't help anything.

You guys are both my friends. I can't have you hating each other. Or one hating the other. Forget what I said about waiting for her to come around. Go apologize to her directly.

I did. She told me she doesn't want to talk to me. I'm not going to pester her about it.

When was this?

Just before the jump.

[She sighs. Not enough time has passed for him to try again.]

Are you sure you don't want me to talk to her for you?

Yes, I'm sure. [He says that quickly, firmly. Then sighs.]

I appreciate the offer, I just. I really don't think it would help. She would just dig in her heels more, if she knew I told someone.

She is pretty goddamned stubborn, I admit. Took her forever just to accept a piece of candy from me.

[A brief pause.]

Let me buy you a drink. You could use one.

Sounds like her. [Y E P.]

Drinking might just make me worse.

We'll stick to Juicy Juice.

That could work.

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