ataraxion | 005; video

[Hello again, Tranquility. Blake's face is probably not a popular one, after his last appearance, but today he looks tired and remorseful instead of angry. So that's an improvement, right? Indeed, he wouldn't even be doing this except he knows he owes it to everyone. So he definitely looks like a man who is biting the bullet – a particularly unpleasant, embarrassing one.]

I know a lot of you were really confused and angry over my last network post. I'm sure many of you would rather not give me the time of day right now, and that's fair enough. I don't deserve much, after the things I said and did. I certainly don't deserve or expect forgiveness for them. But I owe it to everyone to apologize, so that's what I'm doing.

[Here he glances away momentarily. He hates talking about... private things, about feelings, but this is his responsibility right now.]

I wore my mask. A few times. It was a really bad call on my part, but at the time I thought that would be the best way to figure out what it did. Be the guinea pig, I guess. I didn't anticipate the consequences. Every minor annoyance became a major problem, became something that I needed to blame someone for, and my brain-to-mouth filter was completely removed.

I don't say this to excuse myself – there is no excuse for what I said, because those were still my words, or what I did, because those were always my actions. I was in control of myself, albeit in an altered state. It was still me making those choices, and they were bad ones, and I take full responsibility for them.

That said, I don't actually believe the things I said. There are always issues, problems, points of contention, in any community, but I sincerely believe that most of the people on this ship are doing their best to help everyone, to figure this out and get us home. What I said, the way I acted, I learned a long time ago that those things are not productive. It was stupid of me, and I'm sorry.

I really can't say it enough: I'm sorry.

((ooc: so Blake has been noticeably absent both on the network and on the Tranquility in general since his angry post of anger. Pretty much the only thing he's been doing are his security patrols; otherwise he's basically been in his room, brooding, not talking to anyone he normally talks to. Feel free to comment on this!))

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Sure. They're part of who I am, as much as the good stuff. If we're talking people I respect, people I consider friends, I'd want them to know me, flaws and all.

[There is a short pause before she responds.] It's rare to encounter that kind of attitude, where I'm from. You wouldn't advance very far with that mindset.

I don't worry too much about advancement. I'm more concerned with integrity.

Oh? I wish you luck, then. [From the little Effie knows about this ship, it seems that it does everything in its power to strip people of their integrity.] If you're so concerned about keeping your integrity, then I doubt you should fear losing it.

I feel like the more I worry, the better the odds I'll be able to keep it.

I've known people like you. If it's any comfort, they've kept their integrity, and they've experienced far, far worse than what this ship has to offer.

Wow, that's awfully... encouraging. [Dry as dust, his voice.]

[she tries :') and of course completely misses his sarcasm.]

I try to offer encouragement as much as I can.

Maybe next time... leave out the part about how much worse things could be.

[Mostly because he doesn't want to encourage anyone or anything, at this point.]

I suppose that part wasn't terribly comforting. [A beat, and her tone significantly brightens.] I should introduce myself -- my name is Effie Trinket.

I'm John Blake.

[And then, because even at this point in time he has to try to help where he can:]

I'm on the security team, so if you have any questions or concerns, you can always bring them to me.

It's nice to meet you, John. I've only been on the ship for a few days, so there's certainly a lot to take in. Your offer is very reassuring.

It can be pretty overwhelming, especially if you're from a world where space travel isn't a regular part of life, like I am.

It isn't. In fact, I could have considered this rare experience a pleasant one, if it weren't for the circumstances.

Where I come from, I think most kids probably fantasize about being able to go to space at some point.

But yeah, this isn't how I would've imagined it. At all.

I suppose we simply have to make the best of things.

And watch your back.

[An uncomfortable laugh.] Careful, those words might make me a bit paranoid.

As far as I'm concerned, around here, that can only be a good thing. I'm not saying there aren't trustworthy people here, but - I wonder about the ship itself, sometimes.

Soon enough, you'll be calling the ship sentient. [She means it as a joke, but...]

I don't think that's been ruled out as a possibility, to be perfectly honest.

Well, that's just disturbing. [Another forced laugh.]

There's a lot that's disturbing about this place.

I'll get used to it. [She's really trying to convince herself, instead of him.]

I'm not sure we should be trying to get used to it. That might breed complacency.

voice.

wigs - 2012-11-19 07:34 (UTC) - Expand

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