ataraxion | 005; video

[Hello again, Tranquility. Blake's face is probably not a popular one, after his last appearance, but today he looks tired and remorseful instead of angry. So that's an improvement, right? Indeed, he wouldn't even be doing this except he knows he owes it to everyone. So he definitely looks like a man who is biting the bullet – a particularly unpleasant, embarrassing one.]

I know a lot of you were really confused and angry over my last network post. I'm sure many of you would rather not give me the time of day right now, and that's fair enough. I don't deserve much, after the things I said and did. I certainly don't deserve or expect forgiveness for them. But I owe it to everyone to apologize, so that's what I'm doing.

[Here he glances away momentarily. He hates talking about... private things, about feelings, but this is his responsibility right now.]

I wore my mask. A few times. It was a really bad call on my part, but at the time I thought that would be the best way to figure out what it did. Be the guinea pig, I guess. I didn't anticipate the consequences. Every minor annoyance became a major problem, became something that I needed to blame someone for, and my brain-to-mouth filter was completely removed.

I don't say this to excuse myself – there is no excuse for what I said, because those were still my words, or what I did, because those were always my actions. I was in control of myself, albeit in an altered state. It was still me making those choices, and they were bad ones, and I take full responsibility for them.

That said, I don't actually believe the things I said. There are always issues, problems, points of contention, in any community, but I sincerely believe that most of the people on this ship are doing their best to help everyone, to figure this out and get us home. What I said, the way I acted, I learned a long time ago that those things are not productive. It was stupid of me, and I'm sorry.

I really can't say it enough: I'm sorry.

((ooc: so Blake has been noticeably absent both on the network and on the Tranquility in general since his angry post of anger. Pretty much the only thing he's been doing are his security patrols; otherwise he's basically been in his room, brooding, not talking to anyone he normally talks to. Feel free to comment on this!))

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Everybody deserves a second chance.

[Which means he's forgiven by her.]

Thanks. That's nice of you to say.

[He didn't expect it, but it does kind of help, knowing the stuff he'll have to deal with from others.]

It's the truth. I'm not going to say you didn't irritate me, but... it wasn't fully your fault. There was a trigger of some sort. It fed on things and it blew up. You made a mistake and you're owning up to it. I respect that. It takes a lot of nerve.

That's... a pretty accurate assessment, yeah.

I was a pretty horrific teenager, to put it another way.

Weren't we all? I'm pretty sure my father wanted to put me in a convent everyday from when I was thirteen until I was nineteen. Maybe even twenty. It doesn't mean it makes you a person less deserving of forgiveness.

A convent doesn't sound very pleasant.

There was a priest who did a lot of good for me, but he still never managed to get me into a church. So I guess I'm not too educated on the whole forgiveness thing.

I doubt it is. I love sex too much to be a nun anyway.

[Angela.]

Never forgave anybody who did something wrong by you?

[That actually gets him to laugh a little.] Fair enough.

I probably haven't forgiven as often as I should. One of my other flaws, I guess. A tendency to hold a grudge.

All that negative energy isn't good for you. Makes you go grey and gives you wrinkles. You're too cute for wrinkles on that babyface, okay? Sometimes, you just gotta let go.

I probably already have a few wrinkles starting, whether or not I have negative energy, or whatever.

[He pauses a beat.]

Baby face, really?

Please. How old are you?

I call it how I see it.

Twenty-five, last I checked. Not a baby, anyway.

Still too young for wrinkles.

I'd say that depends on the person. [Let's be real, he probably is already starting to develop a few frown lines.]

Either way, it's all that grudge holding. You need to get it out. Have you ever tried meditation?

I doubt it's just grudge holding.

I work out a lot.

Sexual frustration?

It's clearly not doing enough. Come with me when I do yoga.

What? No, that's. That's not what I'm talking about. [Gosh Angela why you always gotta talk about sex?]

I'll... Think about it. I have a pretty good routine in place already. [SENPAI HELPS HIM.]

Then what are you talking about? [Cause it's been a while and she horny.]

Basketball? Maybe you need something more relaxing. Grounding.

Stress?

I do a lot more than basketball. [A lot more than he feels comfortable admitting on the network, truth be told. Only about half of his routine is actually spent in the public gyms.]

I'm telling you, yoga and meditation's good for that. I was a non-believer once too, but now I swear by it.

Like what?

I know they are.

[He takes a breath, thinking.] Standard work-out routine. Morning jog, stretching session, cardio and strength training, a little meditation when I have the time, I've picked up a few things since I've been here.

I could maybe try yoga with you sometime, if you want.

Please do. It gets lonely on the holodeck no matter how many times I switch the scenery to Paris.

[Aw, she mentioned Paris. Ariadne talked about Paris a lot. Talked about showing him Paris. But now she's not speaking to him. SAD BLAKE IS SAD.]

Yeah, well.

It's easy to feel lonely in a big city.

[): Everybody is breaking up.]

Or on a big ship.

» audio

learnedtosmile - 2012-11-13 05:34 (UTC) - Expand

thenormalsquint - 2012-11-13 05:35 (UTC) - Expand

learnedtosmile - 2012-11-13 05:38 (UTC) - Expand

thenormalsquint - 2012-11-13 05:39 (UTC) - Expand

» audio; encrypted 85%

learnedtosmile - 2012-11-13 05:46 (UTC) - Expand

thenormalsquint - 2012-11-13 05:51 (UTC) - Expand

learnedtosmile - 2012-11-13 05:58 (UTC) - Expand

thenormalsquint - 2012-11-13 06:00 (UTC) - Expand

learnedtosmile - 2012-11-13 06:01 (UTC) - Expand

thenormalsquint - 2012-11-13 06:02 (UTC) - Expand

learnedtosmile - 2012-11-13 06:04 (UTC) - Expand

thenormalsquint - 2012-11-13 06:06 (UTC) - Expand

learnedtosmile - 2012-11-13 06:09 (UTC) - Expand

thenormalsquint - 2012-11-13 06:13 (UTC) - Expand

learnedtosmile - 2012-11-13 06:16 (UTC) - Expand

thenormalsquint - 2012-11-13 06:18 (UTC) - Expand

learnedtosmile - 2012-11-13 06:19 (UTC) - Expand

thenormalsquint - 2012-11-13 06:21 (UTC) - Expand

learnedtosmile - 2012-11-13 06:25 (UTC) - Expand

thenormalsquint - 2012-11-13 06:27 (UTC) - Expand

learnedtosmile - 2012-11-13 06:31 (UTC) - Expand