ataraxion | 005; video

[Hello again, Tranquility. Blake's face is probably not a popular one, after his last appearance, but today he looks tired and remorseful instead of angry. So that's an improvement, right? Indeed, he wouldn't even be doing this except he knows he owes it to everyone. So he definitely looks like a man who is biting the bullet – a particularly unpleasant, embarrassing one.]

I know a lot of you were really confused and angry over my last network post. I'm sure many of you would rather not give me the time of day right now, and that's fair enough. I don't deserve much, after the things I said and did. I certainly don't deserve or expect forgiveness for them. But I owe it to everyone to apologize, so that's what I'm doing.

[Here he glances away momentarily. He hates talking about... private things, about feelings, but this is his responsibility right now.]

I wore my mask. A few times. It was a really bad call on my part, but at the time I thought that would be the best way to figure out what it did. Be the guinea pig, I guess. I didn't anticipate the consequences. Every minor annoyance became a major problem, became something that I needed to blame someone for, and my brain-to-mouth filter was completely removed.

I don't say this to excuse myself – there is no excuse for what I said, because those were still my words, or what I did, because those were always my actions. I was in control of myself, albeit in an altered state. It was still me making those choices, and they were bad ones, and I take full responsibility for them.

That said, I don't actually believe the things I said. There are always issues, problems, points of contention, in any community, but I sincerely believe that most of the people on this ship are doing their best to help everyone, to figure this out and get us home. What I said, the way I acted, I learned a long time ago that those things are not productive. It was stupid of me, and I'm sorry.

I really can't say it enough: I'm sorry.

((ooc: so Blake has been noticeably absent both on the network and on the Tranquility in general since his angry post of anger. Pretty much the only thing he's been doing are his security patrols; otherwise he's basically been in his room, brooding, not talking to anyone he normally talks to. Feel free to comment on this!))

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Basically what I said happened. I started feeling like everything was worse than it actually was. I started conflating things people were doing here to things that happened back home.

And I hallucinated. People from back home.

[ Huh. Well that is rather interesting and is quietly noted. ]

What have you actually done with the mask now?

I have someone who offered to help me get rid of it, every day. At least until I can find a more permanent solution.

Locking them up and throwing away the key might work better, if we can find a way to do that.

[ Her brow furrows lightly at that, quietly considering all of that for a moment. ]

Have others mentioned having these issues with their mask as well?

The hallucinations seem to be a common factor.

And who exactly did you see with the mask, Detective?

[ she might as well ask, right? ]

[His face closes off a little, eyes shuttering. Yeah, that's something you're not going to get very far poking your nose into, Selina.]

People from home.

[ that's all she needs to know, john. because it that explains a lot more than you might realize. ]

What made you put it on?

[He sighs a little, running a hand over his face.] Curiosity, a feeling like I should try it, be the one to take that risk.

[Basically, the mask preyed on him where it knew he would be drawn to it.]

So it was calling to you?

I don't know if I'd say that. I did feel compelled to try it on, but I may have, regardless of whatever the mask did. [He's just that type of person to make himself the guinea pig.]

But after the first time, the desire to put it on again was really strong.

[ well that just gets her brow to arch curiously for a moment. ] So how many times exactly did you put it on?

Three. [He admits that with a sigh.] The third time, I - I saw someone from home, someone who would've been disappointed in the way I was starting to behave.

That, and a couple of other things, were sort of what snapped me out of it.

I still want to put it on, though.

[ she wont ask about who it was, it's none of her business after all.

though she does have to ask: ] And those would be?

[ the things that snapped you out of it, that is? ]

People I knew telling me what a bad idea it was. Pointing out the changes to me.

Someone forcibly took the mask from me, that helped, too.

So you have friends, I see.

[ a smartass remark, but whatever, she just smirks, rolling her eyes in amusement as she is quickly moving on. ]

How noticeable was the change to them?

[ she knows how much it was to her, but she does have to ask. ]

[That just makes him lineface.]

Very funny.

[Whatever Selina, he probably has more actual friends than you.]

Look, I don't know. Some people just got angry, some people realized I was acting out of character and called me on it. I can't point to one specific thing that snapped me out of it, it was a bunch of things that all added up.

Taking the mask away was a good start, though. It came right back the next day, but not having it, even for a few hours, was a good thing.

Wait. It came back the next day? [ well that's interesting. ]

How many times have you tried to get rid of it?

I've been airlocking it every day for over a week.

Every 24 hours, it shows up back on my door again.

My, what clear dedication you seem to have, Detective.

Have others tried getting rid of the masks?

I don't know.

[He thinks for a moment.]

Jesse. Jesse Pinkman. I remember him offering to do it.

The boy that thinks Gotham isn't real and is a clear fan of yours? [ just have a look and roll of her eyes, john. ]

I guess. We don't really talk, but I remember seeing him offering on the network. [He shrugs. Even wearing his mask, he kept a close eye on the network.]

Interesting

[ her brow furrows slightly in thought at that, before she is nodding slowly at it all. ]

I don't expect to see anymore outbursts from you anytime soon then?

If you do, you have my permission to track me down and take my mask from me, forcibly if necessary. [He says that in all seriousness.]

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felinely - 2012-11-30 15:19 (UTC) - Expand

005; video

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