ataraxion | 005; video

[Hello again, Tranquility. Blake's face is probably not a popular one, after his last appearance, but today he looks tired and remorseful instead of angry. So that's an improvement, right? Indeed, he wouldn't even be doing this except he knows he owes it to everyone. So he definitely looks like a man who is biting the bullet – a particularly unpleasant, embarrassing one.]

I know a lot of you were really confused and angry over my last network post. I'm sure many of you would rather not give me the time of day right now, and that's fair enough. I don't deserve much, after the things I said and did. I certainly don't deserve or expect forgiveness for them. But I owe it to everyone to apologize, so that's what I'm doing.

[Here he glances away momentarily. He hates talking about... private things, about feelings, but this is his responsibility right now.]

I wore my mask. A few times. It was a really bad call on my part, but at the time I thought that would be the best way to figure out what it did. Be the guinea pig, I guess. I didn't anticipate the consequences. Every minor annoyance became a major problem, became something that I needed to blame someone for, and my brain-to-mouth filter was completely removed.

I don't say this to excuse myself – there is no excuse for what I said, because those were still my words, or what I did, because those were always my actions. I was in control of myself, albeit in an altered state. It was still me making those choices, and they were bad ones, and I take full responsibility for them.

That said, I don't actually believe the things I said. There are always issues, problems, points of contention, in any community, but I sincerely believe that most of the people on this ship are doing their best to help everyone, to figure this out and get us home. What I said, the way I acted, I learned a long time ago that those things are not productive. It was stupid of me, and I'm sorry.

I really can't say it enough: I'm sorry.

((ooc: so Blake has been noticeably absent both on the network and on the Tranquility in general since his angry post of anger. Pretty much the only thing he's been doing are his security patrols; otherwise he's basically been in his room, brooding, not talking to anyone he normally talks to. Feel free to comment on this!))

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Hallucinations too? Do you mind if I ask what kind they were?

People from back home.

And it occurred the more you wore it?

It started happening the second time I wore the mask, though I didn't really notice it until the third time.

None of that sounds good at all— but thank you though for the heads up at least.

Sure. If what I have to say stops even one person from putting their mask on, I'll consider it a positive.

The masks were suspicious enough as it was so this only adds to the cons of wearing it.

Do you know a way to get rid of them, by any chance?

It's good that some seem able to resist.

Not permanently. I'd say your best bet is to either find someone you trust enough to make sure you get rid of it every day, or find somewhere to lock it up and throw away the key.

Well I've been trying to at least.

So the method is only temporary? I guess that's better than nothing at all.

Every time I get rid of it, it shows up on my door again within 24 hours. So yeah, locking it up might do it, otherwise you just have to throw it out every day.

It did the same with mine too so I'll definitely look into doing that.

Let me know if you find out anything else. But don't put yourself at risk doing so, okay?

Yeah I won't, no need to worry. If I do find out something I'll let you know.

Good. Thanks.

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