ataraxion | 005; video

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005; video

[Hello again, Tranquility. Blake's face is probably not a popular one, after his last appearance, but today he looks tired and remorseful instead of angry. So that's an improvement, right? Indeed, he wouldn't even be doing this except he knows he owes it to everyone. So he definitely looks like a man who is biting the bullet – a particularly unpleasant, embarrassing one.]

I know a lot of you were really confused and angry over my last network post. I'm sure many of you would rather not give me the time of day right now, and that's fair enough. I don't deserve much, after the things I said and did. I certainly don't deserve or expect forgiveness for them. But I owe it to everyone to apologize, so that's what I'm doing.

[Here he glances away momentarily. He hates talking about... private things, about feelings, but this is his responsibility right now.]

I wore my mask. A few times. It was a really bad call on my part, but at the time I thought that would be the best way to figure out what it did. Be the guinea pig, I guess. I didn't anticipate the consequences. Every minor annoyance became a major problem, became something that I needed to blame someone for, and my brain-to-mouth filter was completely removed.

I don't say this to excuse myself – there is no excuse for what I said, because those were still my words, or what I did, because those were always my actions. I was in control of myself, albeit in an altered state. It was still me making those choices, and they were bad ones, and I take full responsibility for them.

That said, I don't actually believe the things I said. There are always issues, problems, points of contention, in any community, but I sincerely believe that most of the people on this ship are doing their best to help everyone, to figure this out and get us home. What I said, the way I acted, I learned a long time ago that those things are not productive. It was stupid of me, and I'm sorry.

I really can't say it enough: I'm sorry.

((ooc: so Blake has been noticeably absent both on the network and on the Tranquility in general since his angry post of anger. Pretty much the only thing he's been doing are his security patrols; otherwise he's basically been in his room, brooding, not talking to anyone he normally talks to. Feel free to comment on this!))

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Ariadne. [ Especially Ariadne, he means. But he's never been a fan of saying more than a few words when he's still calming down. ]

I did. Before the jump. [It comes easy, somehow, easier than with Angela. Angela means well, but she tries too hard to fix things the way she thinks they should be fixed.]

She's not interested in talking to me right now.

Yeah, no doll is when they're angry. Try doing it anyway. You'll be surprised at the results.

Maybe, after a while. [He glances down at his shoes.] I messed up, big time. It's her prerogative if she doesn't want to deal with that.

[ Brendan's watching the noodles in the pot, but when he looks over at Blake his words are blunt and completely honest. He's learned quickly that Blake can take it. ]

Gal like her's too stubborn. Break down the wall. Don't be a fucking idiot, Blake.

[Blake sighs, shakes his head a little. She is stubborn, but he also doesn't want to make things worse.]

I'm not planning to let our friendship just end like that, not without trying to repair it. But it's not the same as you and Wichita, either.

Now you are being thick. [ Flat-out stubborn and to the point. Let it never be said that Brendan dances around subjects when he knows you. ] Thick as what-all, Blake. I'm not saying you and the architect are gunnin' for each other [ though you are, let's be honest ] I'm saying you two drink from the same bottle.

And I'm saying don't just let it go.

I'm not - [He's not... sure what that means, exactly, as per usual, but he's not going to stand around like a doofus insisting she's just a friend to some teenaged kid. It doesn't matter, either way.]

I'm not going to just let it go. I'm going to try to talk to her about it, but there comes a point where sometimes you do need to just take a step back. If she's not going to talk to me, she's not going to talk to me.

And your head is so far removed from what's really important. [ As usual, have some point-blank, no holds barred opinions from your not-really-bro. ]

She's not Wichita, Ariadne's a different type of gal. One I've dealt with before. Gotta be tenacious.

[He ducks his head. He knows - he knows her, knows he needs to match her stubbornness. But -]

I'm not exactly good friend material, anyway.

[ Brendan has two options to get what he wants. He could go in a circle, repeating the same thing again and again and again or he could get results. And right now? Results sound like a good plan. As good as monotonous run-arounds are, Brendan's sick and tired and in a way this makes him feel like he's back to normal. Time to put on a show. ]

Blake.

[ He doesn't wait until Blake's fully turned around--because he knows if he gives Blake the time to realize what's happening he's going to be shrugged off like a leaf. So he pulls the other by the collar and slams him against the kitchen stove, narrowly missing the boiling ramen he'd forgotten about. He's up close--personal and close--and his glare is hard and pointed, knuckles white until he brings a fist up, as if going to punch him.

He stops, though. Forcefully unfurls his hand and shakes his head, as if thinking the whole thing wasn't working. ]

You. Are. thick. You have two choices, and one of them is wallowing in your self-pity and the other is talking to Ariadne or getting out there and finding a dame to curl up with at the end of the day because you. Need. Something like that and you don't see how stupid you are for quietly moping around waiting for her.

It's not an act of tragic heroism. It's pathetic.

You want to be the change like how you talk about in your police force? Start with an attitude adjustment.

Edited 2012-11-25 04:34 (UTC)

[It probably shouldn't take him by surprise at this point, but yeah, it does a little bit, and it knocks the wind out of him.

But Bruce's lessons are starting to have an effect, and he leverages his weight back against Brendan to push him off almost without a second thought. Not doing any damage, just pushing him away.]

I'm trying to do the right thing. [He says it with quiet emphasis.] Not just what I want, but what's right. What'll keep her safe, and you, and everyone else on this ship. That's my attitude.

I care about Ariadne, she's my friend and that won't change.

[ it's over the top and a little ridiculous, yes. Brendan's aware of this only as Blake handles his outburst with a cool, calm demeanor.

He really has to learn to dial it down--because it's not how everyone works, not in this universe. In his world, yeah, but not on the Tranquility. so Blake responds and Brendan shrugs everything out, almost like a drama room exercise. ]

So not sleeping with Ariadne or trying to make amends with her will endanger the entire ship?

[Blake rolls his eyes.] I will try to make amends with her. But sleeping with her wouldn't be a good idea. Assuming she even wants to.

[ Wait.

Wait. ]

Sure we're talking about the same doll? The one with the moon eyes all over you? Likes chess and mazes?

I'm pretty sure Ariadne doesn't really make moon eyes at anyone. [Have the most skeptical look, Brendan.]

Sure she does. It's the third time I've said it but you're thick, Blake. Thick as what all.

[Blake shakes his head. Brendan's seeing things that aren't there, and even if they were, it's better to leave things be.]

Even if she does, it would never work. She deserves to find a way home, and find someone in her own world, someone who can do all the things for her that I couldn't.

[It's not his path, to have that kind of life. A girlfriend, or anything like that. It'd be way too dangerous, even back home. Especially back home.]

[ Ugh. ]

Cut the hero crap and kiss her, alright?

[He sighs.]

It's not that simple. She's having a rough time. I can't just kiss her.

[He frowns.] I think she's been wearing her mask. I have to get it away from her.

Might be what helps. [ Shrug. ] Could be a pretty good distraction to take her mask, too.

I really doubt that would work, Brendan.

I'll need to convince her to give it to me. After what I did with my own mask, I'm not sure how much she trusts me anymore.

Take it. It's what I did to you.

I know it's what you did. I might have to do something different, but I'll get it from her. Somehow.

[Y e p. He waves his hand vaguely at the ramen which is now probably getting cold again.]

You should eat. I have patrol soon. [He turns to go.]

[ Right, food. Brendan looks over--barely glances at it, swimming in the water, cold and incredibly unappetizing. Now, at least.

Maybe he didn't even plan on eating it. Probably the latter, since he shoves his hands in his pockets. Shrugs just a little, building that wall around him again. ]

Uh-huh.

[ No thank yous, no friendly pat on the back. Just staring at his ramen. ]

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005; video

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