001: text;

[selfkismesis]

GIVE YOURSELVES A PAT ON THE BACK.
JUST QUIT WHATEVER MUNDANE AND UNDOUBTEDLY RETARDED ACT YOU'RE FUCKFIRST IN THE MIDDLE OF COMMITTING, REACH AROUND, AND JUST PAT PAT PAT.
YOU (AND BY "YOU" I AM REFERRING TO WHOEVER CAN READ THIS WHO MAY OR MAY NOT BE INVOLVED IN THE BULLSHIT OCCURRING THIS VERY MOMENT) DESERVE IT.
YOU'VE CLIMBED THIS WHOLE MOUNTAIN OF CREATIVITY AND BRAINSPONGE FAMINES, YOU HAVE EMBRACED THE DRAMATIC SCENERY, AND WHISPERED A STOUT BUT AFFIRMING "YES" INTO THE INFINITE DEPTHS OF METAPHORICAL VICTORY.
YOU ARE THE CHAMPION, MY FRIENDS.
YOU HAVE GONE WHERE NO MAN, WOMAN, TROLL, OR BABBY HAS EVER DARED TO GO BEFORE.



YOU HAVE TAKEN ME
KARKAT MOTHERFUCKING VANTAS
FROM A SPACE STATION
AND IN A FIT OF UNTOLD BRILLIANCE THAT WILL BE SUNG ABOUT FOR EONS TO COME
YOU HAVE MOVED ME TO A GODDAMN SPACE *SHIP*.

I AM STRAIGHT UP SHITHIVE ASTOUNDED.
WE ARE STILL IN SPACE.
IS IT THE SAME SPACE???
IS THERE SUCH A THING AS "SAME SPACE"???
WILL I EVER NOT BE STUCK ON A HUNK OF METAL IN SPACE????
WE JUST DON'T FUCKING KNOW.

GOD, I HATE SPACE.






SO BASICALLY
GREAT JOB, YOU USELESS PIECES OF DECOMPOSING SHIT.
COMMENT HERE, TELL ME A LITTLE ABOUT YOUR SUPERFLUOUS EXISTENCE (SIX WORDS OR LESS), AND ALLOW ME TO TAILOR MY PROJECTILE VOMITING TO FIT YOUR SPECIAL AND UNIQUE NEEDS.

Comments

voice;

[meddler]

Everything your wrote sounds like this!!!!!

[ permanently yelling now ]

What were you doing on a space station if you hate space?

text;

[selfkismesis]

I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE TO EXPLAIN THIS, SINCE YOUR LACK OF KNOWLEDGE HINTS TO THE DEEPER TRUTHS OF A LACK OF LITERACY,
BUT EVERYTHING I WROTE?
DOESN'T SOUND LIKE SHIT.
BECAUSE I FUCKING *WROTE* IT!!!!
SECOND MOMENT OF ILLITERACY:
WHY THE FUCK AM I ON SPACE STATIONS, DESPITE HATING SPACE?
IT'S HILARIOUS HOW MUCH OF A CHOICE IN THE MATTER YOU THINK I HAD.
THE LACK OF MY FREE WILL HAS BEEN IMPLIED TIME AND TIME AGAIN THROUGHOUT EACH INDIVIDUAL GREY CAPSLOCK LETTER.
IT'S PRETTY FUCKING OBVIOUS.

I'M ALREADY LOVING THIS PLACE AND ITS POPULACE.
BUT ONLY IF THE VERB "LOVING" TRANSLATES TO "KILLING MYSELF WOULD BE PREFERABLE TO CONTINUING THIS CONVERSATION WITH YOU."
WHICH
WAIT SHIT THAT DOESN'T MAKE GRAMMATICAL SENSE.
FUCK.






UH
OK, HERE WE GO:
I'M ALREADY LOVING THIS PLACE AND ITS POPULACE.
BUT ONLY IF THE VERB "LOVING" TRANSLATES TO "ABSOLUTELY LOATHING."
MORE SIMPLISTIC, BUT MY HATE HAS BEEN NICELY OUTLINED, WHICH IS ALL THAT MATTERS.

video|

[entrapments]

Hate to break it to ya, but it's not like any of us actually picked you.

text;

[selfkismesis]

BULLSHIT.

[audio]

[testgasm]

Okay, look, first off, there's no need to shout. There's no need to--utilize capitalization in a manner indicative of shouting.

Unless your--unless your capslock is stuck, which is...that's a possibility, now that I think about it. I'm sure there's someone willing to fix it for you, provided you ask nicely. That's the operative phrase, if you haven't guessed. Ask nicely.

Assuming, however, that your capslock is not stuck, you might want to just...you know. Take a few deep breaths, calm down. Yeah, space is--is less-than-ideal, sure, I'll give you that, but you'll be fine.

[sorry did you say six words or less]

text;

[selfkismesis]

THERE'S NOT A SINGLE THING YOU JUST SAID THAT I DON'T HATE WITH THE FURY OF A MILLION SUNS.

[text]

[doggedly]

think i'd rather pat you on the head



SORRY that was more than 6 words!

[text]

[selfkismesis]

...
DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME.
DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT, CREEP.

voice;

[handelaar]

Your summary sucks.

[No really. He has no idea what the message is supposed to be here, and he's not about to read all that.]

text;

[selfkismesis]

GOOD THING IT WASN'T A SUMMARY, JACKSHIT.
HOW ABOUT YOU LEARN TO FUCKING READ?
I SWEAR TO GOD, THE LITERACY RATE OF THIS PLACE IS IN THE GODDAMN NEGATIVES.
YOU PEOPLE KNOW HOW TO NEGATIVE READ, WHICH ISN'T EVEN A *THING*.

voice;

[justamobster]

Figured out how t'use our new network thingamajigs, didja?

text;

[selfkismesis]

OF COURSE I DID.
I'M PRETTY FUCKING AWESOME WHEN IT COMES TO TECHNOLOGY AND BULLSHIT.
UNLIKE SOME ASSHOLES I KNOW *THIS IS ME IMPLYING YOU*.


SO, UH
THERE'S NO ONE ELSE HERE.
THAT'S FROM SACROSANCT.
I'VE ASKED AROUND, AND IF MY GREY CAPSLOCK RAGE DOESN'T ATTRACT THEM, I DON'T THINK THEY EXIST.
WE'RE THE ONLY ONES, AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT I'M THINKING?
WHICH IS WEIRD AS SHIT.

permavid & text.

[culver]

[watch her take him seriously]

I am Nill. I have wings.

[BAM the one thing she always says and the one thing everyone always asks about]

[selfkismesis]

I AM KARKAT, AND THE NUMBER OF FUCKS I GIVE ABOUT YOUR WINGS IS ABSOLUTELY MINIMAL.

[abrahamic]

i'm laughing at this whole post.

[selfkismesis]

I'M LAUGHING AT SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU HUMORLESS SHIT.

text

[goldshirt]

[and Karkat will just have a link to this pinging on his communicator.]

text

[selfkismesis]

LET'S MAKE A LIST OF ALL THE THINGS I'M NOT GOING TO CLICK:
1) THAT.
2) PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING ANY ONE OF YOU ASSHOLE SENDS.
3) THAT'S ABOUT IT.

text;

[purrfectlycute]

:33 < im nepeta and im your furiend!
:33 < buuuut i think you already knew that, h33h33!

:33 < how about you though?
:33 < you k33p mentioning a space station, so i suppaws you were taken somewhere else befur coming here
:33 < appurrently that can happen...
:33 < can you tell me about it?

text;

[selfkismesis]

YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
I MEAN, I WAS OUT OF THE VEIL FOR HALF A SWEEP OR SO IN THIS OTHER PLACE.
IT WAS CALLED "SACROSANCT" FOR SOME UNGODLY REASON AND WAS THE MOST RIDICULOUS PIECE OF EMPTY SPACEBULLSHIT I'VE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE OF EXPERIENCING.
BUT I MEAN
EVERYONE WAS THERE.
NOT JUST ME AND YOU AND ALL THE OTHER TROLLS AND JOHN AND HIS GAGGLE OF RETARDS
BUT
THERE WERE SOME OTHER PEOPLE WHO WERE PRETTY OK.
AND
WELL
I MEAN
FUCK

OK, THIS TOPIC'S DONE.

[willpunchfaces]

[Francis' reading is adequate at best, and he squints to read all the SCREAMING TEXT but he gets the jist

and he can't quite decide if he likes this Karkat or not, but hey. he likes the cut of his jib]

You're mad about being on a ship? Wait until it starts messing with your head. It doesn't really get any better.

[selfkismesis]

OH, WONDERFUL.
THAT SOUNDS ABSOLUTELY EXCITING.
I CAN REALLY TELL, THE BEST MOMENTS OF MY SHORT AND MISERABLE LIFE ARE JUST WAITING AROUND THE CORNER.



(THAT WAS MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF SARCASM, BY THE WAY)

[kingofbabylon]

are you another mermaid like eridan?

[ sorry, dave taught him how to be one of the cool kids with their cool fonts 8( ]

[selfkismesis]

WHAT

text

[mutelunatic]

why

text

[selfkismesis]

WHY WHAT?
FUCK YOU, THAT WAS A TERRIBLE QUESTION.
GO HOME.

text; 1.2

[kringlefuck]

Salutations, possible comrade! You might ought to keep in mind that your caps lock seems to be on and that absolutely everything you are conveying here sounds within my wits as something EXTREMELY SHOUTY and im not sure if that is the target you are trying to hit here, chap.

In any case that is a lovely shade of gray your font is if i can be forward to say.

You must be new here.

text; 2.2

[kringlefuck]

...Did you mention you were brought from a space station?????
Would you happen to be one of those fascinating alien thingos that keep arriving from the same world from whence i come from?

text

[heltersskelter]

congratulations you've managed to make yourself sound like a total narcissistic asswipe in front of everyone on board.
someone start this kid a slow clap

text;

[selfkismesis]

YOUR ENTIRE COMMENT IS BASED ON ME ACTUALLY GIVING A SINGLE FUCK OVER NOT BEING AN ASSWIPE IN FRONT OF EVERYONE.
IT IS FACTUALLY INACCURATE.
THERE IS ONLY ONE CERTAINTY IN THIS WORLD, AND IT'S THE CERTAINTY THAT NO MATTER WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCE, NO MATTER WHAT CONTEXT, I AM GOING TO BE A RAGING ASSWIPE AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT.
TRY AGAIN, SHITWIT.

text;

[theshabbiestofmen]

1. Werewolf, student, wizard, rather decent cook.
2. I have to say, I'm quite impressed! Most people are more frightened than angry. It's a change.
3. Can I ask? Why grey text?

text;

[selfkismesis]

1. WOW THAT IS A WEIRD COMBINATION OF SHIT.
2. DON'T CARE.
3. NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS.

text;

[fronds]

Gasp!
)(-----ELLO KARKATLA!!!! I'm your friend! 38D
(And t)(at still fits your silly "six words or less" requirement, S-E-E?)
Your dear friend w)(o is V---ERY glad to see you, by t)(e way!!! I've missed you a lot!
-Everyone on t)(is piece of carp s)(ip could definitely use your advice and wisdom.
)(A)(A)(A)(A!

text;

[selfkismesis]

HEY FEFERI.
IT'S
BEEN A RIDICULOUSLY LONG TIME SINCE I'VE HEARD A NICKNAME ON PAR WITH THAT MUCH STUPIDITY.

SO UH.

HEY.
YEAH. [ dang ]

SO, WHO NEEDS MY ADVICE?
POINT ME IN A DIRECTION, AND MY WISDOM WILL RAIN DOWN UPON THE UNWORTHY.

video;

[the_vishual]

You're one of Eridan's friends! It's nice to meet you.

text;

[selfkismesis]

WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?

[video]

[you_gotta_deal_with_it]

Wow. You're kind of...excitable, huh?

text;

[selfkismesis]

THERE'S A SIGNIFICANT DIFFERENCE BETWEEN "EXCITABLE" AND "INCREDIBLY FURIOUS."
SPOILER WARNING: I'M THE LATTER.

audio | i can't *not*

[dashhole]

Aw shit,we got a badass over here! Everybody better look out.

text;

[selfkismesis]

RIGHT BACK ATCHA, ASSMASTER.

[aimlessness]

tell us how you really feel.

[selfkismesis]

UH
WHAT.
AT WHAT POINT DID I MENTION EMOTIONS THAT WERE OUTSIDE OF MY USUAL RAGE ACROBATICS?