001: text;

[selfkismesis]

GIVE YOURSELVES A PAT ON THE BACK.
JUST QUIT WHATEVER MUNDANE AND UNDOUBTEDLY RETARDED ACT YOU'RE FUCKFIRST IN THE MIDDLE OF COMMITTING, REACH AROUND, AND JUST PAT PAT PAT.
YOU (AND BY "YOU" I AM REFERRING TO WHOEVER CAN READ THIS WHO MAY OR MAY NOT BE INVOLVED IN THE BULLSHIT OCCURRING THIS VERY MOMENT) DESERVE IT.
YOU'VE CLIMBED THIS WHOLE MOUNTAIN OF CREATIVITY AND BRAINSPONGE FAMINES, YOU HAVE EMBRACED THE DRAMATIC SCENERY, AND WHISPERED A STOUT BUT AFFIRMING "YES" INTO THE INFINITE DEPTHS OF METAPHORICAL VICTORY.
YOU ARE THE CHAMPION, MY FRIENDS.
YOU HAVE GONE WHERE NO MAN, WOMAN, TROLL, OR BABBY HAS EVER DARED TO GO BEFORE.



YOU HAVE TAKEN ME
KARKAT MOTHERFUCKING VANTAS
FROM A SPACE STATION
AND IN A FIT OF UNTOLD BRILLIANCE THAT WILL BE SUNG ABOUT FOR EONS TO COME
YOU HAVE MOVED ME TO A GODDAMN SPACE *SHIP*.

I AM STRAIGHT UP SHITHIVE ASTOUNDED.
WE ARE STILL IN SPACE.
IS IT THE SAME SPACE???
IS THERE SUCH A THING AS "SAME SPACE"???
WILL I EVER NOT BE STUCK ON A HUNK OF METAL IN SPACE????
WE JUST DON'T FUCKING KNOW.

GOD, I HATE SPACE.






SO BASICALLY
GREAT JOB, YOU USELESS PIECES OF DECOMPOSING SHIT.
COMMENT HERE, TELL ME A LITTLE ABOUT YOUR SUPERFLUOUS EXISTENCE (SIX WORDS OR LESS), AND ALLOW ME TO TAILOR MY PROJECTILE VOMITING TO FIT YOUR SPECIAL AND UNIQUE NEEDS.

Comments

text;

[handelaar]

Then summarize it. Readin' those four lines was a waste of my time, dunno why the big one'd be better.

text;

[selfkismesis]

UGH, FINE.
HERE'S THE SUMMARY:























GO FUCK YOURSELF.

ffffffff permavoice yep I'm on my a-game today

[handelaar]

....



Why not type that, then.

[Totally serious. This has now become a business strategy.]

More people'd read it.

[selfkismesis]

WH
WHAT.
NO, THAT'S NOT LITERALLY A SUMMARY YOU MORONIC PLAGUE.
THAT WAS ME INSULTING YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO FUCKING LAZY TO BE COMPETENT.

[handelaar]

[Huff, Jesus Christ does this person have to be so obnoxious.]

I'm not goddamn lazy. I'm efficient. That looked like a waste of time. Make it shorter next time.

[selfkismesis]

NO.
SOMETHINGS IN LIFE, YOU HAVE TO FUCKING WORK FOR.

[handelaar]

And sometimes they're not fuckin' worth it. At all.

[Snick of a lighter, go!]

If the rest sucks as much as your summary, I ain't.

[selfkismesis]

IT
WASN'T
A SUMMARY.
THAT WAS ALREADY WELL ESTABLISHED, YOU INFAMOUSLY THICKPANNED MORON.
YET AGAIN, YOU'RE PROVING YOUR INFINITE LEVELS OF LAZY BY NOT ACTUALLY READING THE WORDS I AM TAKING TIME TO TYPE TO YOU.
THAT'S FUCKING DISRESPECTFUL AS SHIT.
IF I'M SITTING HERE, USING ALL MY TIME AND ENERGY DEVOTED TO THIS CONVERSATION, AND YOU'RE COMPLETELY IGNORING IT, THAT'S FUCKING TERRIBLE AND YOU SHOULD FEEL TERRIBLE.
I MEAN, IT'S ALMOST LIKE A RELATIONSHIP.
WHERE YOU HAVE TO DEVOTE EQUAL AMOUNTS OF TIME OR IT'S JUST NOT GOING TO WORK.
THIS CONVERSATION IS A BROKEN RELATIONSHIP.
YOUR WHOLE APPROACH TO LIFE IS A BROKEN RELATIONSHIP.

[handelaar]

Then why do y'keep talking.

[Again, serious question. He doesn't really get it - if it's a waste of time, why bother.]

An' why the hell are you callin' it a relationship. 'Cause it's not.

[Okay that's just him being an ass. The analogy is not lost on him, and in fact, that hits a little too close to home. Obviously the solution is to be an ass.]

[selfkismesis]

I KEEP TALKING BECAUSE I WON'T GIVE UP ON THIS RELATIONSHIP.
I'M NOT A QUITTER LIKE YOU.

[handelaar]

[Wait wat.]

What relationship?

[Now he's just paranoid this capslock-person has stalked him over the network. His relationships are decidedly on the down-low, in person, and what is this.]

[selfkismesis]

THE RELATIONSHIP THAT IS A METAPHOR FOR OUR CONVERSATION.
WOW.
PAY THE FUCK ATTENTION.
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU HALFASS READING MY RESPONSES.
YOU GET LEFT BEHIND IN THE METAPHORICAL METAPHOR DUST.

[handelaar]

Or ya could make 'em interesting enough to read.

[Huff.]

Will y'stop bitching if I - [Even he knows saying "take you seriously" is a bad move, and he's the king of tactless. So. Mid-sentence edit.] - play along, or whatever.