001: text;

[selfkismesis]

GIVE YOURSELVES A PAT ON THE BACK.
JUST QUIT WHATEVER MUNDANE AND UNDOUBTEDLY RETARDED ACT YOU'RE FUCKFIRST IN THE MIDDLE OF COMMITTING, REACH AROUND, AND JUST PAT PAT PAT.
YOU (AND BY "YOU" I AM REFERRING TO WHOEVER CAN READ THIS WHO MAY OR MAY NOT BE INVOLVED IN THE BULLSHIT OCCURRING THIS VERY MOMENT) DESERVE IT.
YOU'VE CLIMBED THIS WHOLE MOUNTAIN OF CREATIVITY AND BRAINSPONGE FAMINES, YOU HAVE EMBRACED THE DRAMATIC SCENERY, AND WHISPERED A STOUT BUT AFFIRMING "YES" INTO THE INFINITE DEPTHS OF METAPHORICAL VICTORY.
YOU ARE THE CHAMPION, MY FRIENDS.
YOU HAVE GONE WHERE NO MAN, WOMAN, TROLL, OR BABBY HAS EVER DARED TO GO BEFORE.



YOU HAVE TAKEN ME
KARKAT MOTHERFUCKING VANTAS
FROM A SPACE STATION
AND IN A FIT OF UNTOLD BRILLIANCE THAT WILL BE SUNG ABOUT FOR EONS TO COME
YOU HAVE MOVED ME TO A GODDAMN SPACE *SHIP*.

I AM STRAIGHT UP SHITHIVE ASTOUNDED.
WE ARE STILL IN SPACE.
IS IT THE SAME SPACE???
IS THERE SUCH A THING AS "SAME SPACE"???
WILL I EVER NOT BE STUCK ON A HUNK OF METAL IN SPACE????
WE JUST DON'T FUCKING KNOW.

GOD, I HATE SPACE.






SO BASICALLY
GREAT JOB, YOU USELESS PIECES OF DECOMPOSING SHIT.
COMMENT HERE, TELL ME A LITTLE ABOUT YOUR SUPERFLUOUS EXISTENCE (SIX WORDS OR LESS), AND ALLOW ME TO TAILOR MY PROJECTILE VOMITING TO FIT YOUR SPECIAL AND UNIQUE NEEDS.

Comments

voice;

[meddler]

Everything your wrote sounds like this!!!!!

[ permanently yelling now ]

What were you doing on a space station if you hate space?

text;

[selfkismesis]

I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE TO EXPLAIN THIS, SINCE YOUR LACK OF KNOWLEDGE HINTS TO THE DEEPER TRUTHS OF A LACK OF LITERACY,
BUT EVERYTHING I WROTE?
DOESN'T SOUND LIKE SHIT.
BECAUSE I FUCKING *WROTE* IT!!!!
SECOND MOMENT OF ILLITERACY:
WHY THE FUCK AM I ON SPACE STATIONS, DESPITE HATING SPACE?
IT'S HILARIOUS HOW MUCH OF A CHOICE IN THE MATTER YOU THINK I HAD.
THE LACK OF MY FREE WILL HAS BEEN IMPLIED TIME AND TIME AGAIN THROUGHOUT EACH INDIVIDUAL GREY CAPSLOCK LETTER.
IT'S PRETTY FUCKING OBVIOUS.

I'M ALREADY LOVING THIS PLACE AND ITS POPULACE.
BUT ONLY IF THE VERB "LOVING" TRANSLATES TO "KILLING MYSELF WOULD BE PREFERABLE TO CONTINUING THIS CONVERSATION WITH YOU."
WHICH
WAIT SHIT THAT DOESN'T MAKE GRAMMATICAL SENSE.
FUCK.






UH
OK, HERE WE GO:
I'M ALREADY LOVING THIS PLACE AND ITS POPULACE.
BUT ONLY IF THE VERB "LOVING" TRANSLATES TO "ABSOLUTELY LOATHING."
MORE SIMPLISTIC, BUT MY HATE HAS BEEN NICELY OUTLINED, WHICH IS ALL THAT MATTERS.

text;

[meddler]

[ well then. let's try a different strategy. ]

IT IS ALL THE MANNER THAT YOU ARE TRYING TO CONVEY

for instance this looks like whispering

THIS LOOKS IMPORTANT

AND THIS MAKES IT SEEM LIKE YOU WANT TO YELL EVERY SINGLE WORD THAT YOU SAY!!!

ALL IN ALL YOU SEEM LIKE A RATHER DISAGREEABLE CHAP. PERSON.

WHATEVER YOU ARE!!!

text;

[selfkismesis]

I CAN'T TELL IF YOU'RE BEING INCREDIBLY RACIST RIGHT NOW OR WHAT.
HOLY SHIT.

voice;

[meddler]

[ ... wait ]

Racist?

[ WAIT ]

Oh! Are you one of those "trolls"?

[ he really should have guessed, like that other rather disagreeable chap. ]

text;

[selfkismesis]

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK?
SERIOUSLY, YOU'VE GOT ONE GUESS.
HERE'S A LITTLE HINT FOR YOU:




OF COURSE I'M A GODDAMN TROLL!
THAT'S THE DUMBEST QUESTION I'VE EVER HEARD AND I'VE FACED A LOT OF FUCKING RETARDED QUESTIONS IN MY MISERABLE SIX SWEEPS.

video;

[meddler]

[ JUST TO SWITCH IT UP. :| ]

One of the other trolls I talked to... the fishy one said the exact same thing. Have you ever thought that maybe some of us might come from dimensions where trolls don't exist?

Now, let me ask you another question. Have you ever heard of a Time Lord?

text;

[selfkismesis]

A LORD OF TIME?
UH, YEAH.
I'M SURE THAT COULD BE A THING.
I NEVER MET ONE, BUT WHATEVER. [ KANYE SHRUG. ]

video;

[meddler]

Well, you're talking to one right now, and just because you didn't recognize one, did I get all capslocky on you?

text;

[selfkismesis]

HERE'S YOUR TRAGIC MISTAKE:
I DON'T ACTUALLY GIVE A FUCK ABOUT RECOGNIZING YOU.
FUCK YOUR SPECIES, I BET IT'S TERRIBLE.
WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING ABOUT IT, I'VE ALREADY FORMED AN OPINION, WHICH IS WAY MORE THAN YOU'VE DONE.

video;

[meddler]

I don't know. I'd say I've formed a pretty decent opinion of your species.

[ The females were lovely.

The males... apparently liked to curse and yell. ]

video;

[selfkismesis]

[ that is the ironic part, doctor. the female trolls are the more violent of the species. ]

YOUR OPINION IS WRONG.

video; this is for Star...

[meddler]

[ Nepeta was nice to him. >:| ]

Let me tell you something. Nine hundred years of space and time, travelling around in my TARDIS, and I've rarely ever been wrong.

video;

[selfkismesis]

...










"TARDIS."
DID YOU JUST SAY TARDIS AS IN THAT BITCH OF A SHIP?

video;

[meddler]

A... bitch.

Did you just call the most beautiful object in all of time and space a—

[ wait. ]

The TARDIS? A blue box. You...

[ ...have met her? what is going on what?! ]

text;

[selfkismesis]

OH MY GOD, YOU'RE ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT HER.
I THOUGH THAT BEING IN A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SPACE SHIP IN THE MIDDLE OF FUCKING NO WHERE WOULD MEAN I WOULD NEVER HAVE TO DEAL WITH/THINK ABOUT/HEAR ABOUT HER SHIT EVER AGAIN.
WE ARE ENDING THIS CONVERSATION RIGHT NOW BEFORE I PUKE RAGE OUT ALL OVER THE ELECTRONICS THAT KEEP THIS SHIP RUNNING.

video;

[meddler]

No, we're not. Because you're going to tell me, right here, right now, just where my TARDIS was, and how you were able to talk to her.

[ Because that was not good. Very definitely not good. ]

text;

[selfkismesis]

NOPE.

[threadjack]

[andyouwill]

I assure you, he's hardly typical of the rest of our species. Though I can't argue with your conclusion.

[selfkismesis]

OF COURSE YOU CAN'T ARGUE WITH THAT CONCLUSION.
I MEAN, EVEN IF HE'S AN ATYPICAL MOTHERFUCKER, HE WAS STILL SPAWNED FROM THE GENETIC POOL OF THE TIME DOUCHEBAGS.
THE POTENTIAL FOR HIM HAS ALWAYS LURKED IN THE DARK, DANK DEPTHS OF CELLS AND GENES AND SHIT.
THE FACT THAT HE EXISTS IS EVIDENCE OF AN ENTIRE RACE'S FAILURES.

[andyouwill]

Eloquently said. You are obviously a young man of rare perspicacity.

[selfkismesis]

DAMN STRAIGHT I AM.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT WORD MEANS, BUT BECAUSE I'M IN THE BUSINESS OF CREATING UNGRATEFUL UNIVERSES, THAT MEANS I GET TO ASSIGN MY OWN MEANINGS TO WORDS.
"PERSPICACITY" NOW TRANSLATES TO "KEENNESS OF MENTAL PERCEPTION AND UNDERSTANDING."

[andyouwill]

In fact that is very nearly exactly what it means, so both our points are borne out.

[selfkismesis]

TODAY IS A GREAT VICTORY FOR BULLSHIT.
LET'S HEAR IT, THREE CHEERS.
HIP HIP FUCK MY LIFE.
HIP HIP FUCK MY LIFE.
HIP HIP FUCK MY LIFE.
FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK MY LIFE
^^^ THAT'S THE ECHO OF MY CHEER, BOUNDING OFF INTO THE LIMITLESS SPACE THAT I SEEM TO KEEP GETTING TRAPPED IN.
SOMETIMES IT BOUNCES OFF THE ASSHOLES I MEET AND HAVE CONVERSATIONS WITH.
BUT MOSTLY IT JUST CONTINUES, TIRED AND EMPTY INTO ETERNITY.
EACH "FUCK" UTTERED IN SUCCESSION MERELY A SHADOW OF THE "FUCKS" THAT CAME BEFORE.

[andyouwill]

Each eventually to drift off beyond even the sound of the other, until your ability to give any fucks at all reaches thermodynamic equilibrium and dies in eternal, timeless ice. Yes, I see.

Well, at least you have a plan for the future.