001: text;

[selfkismesis]

GIVE YOURSELVES A PAT ON THE BACK.
JUST QUIT WHATEVER MUNDANE AND UNDOUBTEDLY RETARDED ACT YOU'RE FUCKFIRST IN THE MIDDLE OF COMMITTING, REACH AROUND, AND JUST PAT PAT PAT.
YOU (AND BY "YOU" I AM REFERRING TO WHOEVER CAN READ THIS WHO MAY OR MAY NOT BE INVOLVED IN THE BULLSHIT OCCURRING THIS VERY MOMENT) DESERVE IT.
YOU'VE CLIMBED THIS WHOLE MOUNTAIN OF CREATIVITY AND BRAINSPONGE FAMINES, YOU HAVE EMBRACED THE DRAMATIC SCENERY, AND WHISPERED A STOUT BUT AFFIRMING "YES" INTO THE INFINITE DEPTHS OF METAPHORICAL VICTORY.
YOU ARE THE CHAMPION, MY FRIENDS.
YOU HAVE GONE WHERE NO MAN, WOMAN, TROLL, OR BABBY HAS EVER DARED TO GO BEFORE.



YOU HAVE TAKEN ME
KARKAT MOTHERFUCKING VANTAS
FROM A SPACE STATION
AND IN A FIT OF UNTOLD BRILLIANCE THAT WILL BE SUNG ABOUT FOR EONS TO COME
YOU HAVE MOVED ME TO A GODDAMN SPACE *SHIP*.

I AM STRAIGHT UP SHITHIVE ASTOUNDED.
WE ARE STILL IN SPACE.
IS IT THE SAME SPACE???
IS THERE SUCH A THING AS "SAME SPACE"???
WILL I EVER NOT BE STUCK ON A HUNK OF METAL IN SPACE????
WE JUST DON'T FUCKING KNOW.

GOD, I HATE SPACE.






SO BASICALLY
GREAT JOB, YOU USELESS PIECES OF DECOMPOSING SHIT.
COMMENT HERE, TELL ME A LITTLE ABOUT YOUR SUPERFLUOUS EXISTENCE (SIX WORDS OR LESS), AND ALLOW ME TO TAILOR MY PROJECTILE VOMITING TO FIT YOUR SPECIAL AND UNIQUE NEEDS.

Comments

[selfkismesis]

YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
IT'S DEFINITELY NOT BECAUSE OF THE OTHER LONG LIST OF TERRIBLE TRAITS I EXHIBIT.
IT'S ENTIRELY BECAUSE I WANT TO BEAT YOU AT YOUR GAME OF SAVING MY LIFE.
SOMETHING THAT WAS SOMEHOW PARADOXICALLY ESTABLISHED BEFORE I BEGAN THIS CONVERSATION WITH YOU.

[you_gotta_deal_with_it]

look if you dont value yourself enough that youre going to get yourself killed to prove a point then i dont see why anyone else would value you
respect comes from having skills and it comes from confidence
a guy whos going to get himself killed doesnt have confidence

[selfkismesis]

FALSE ASSUMPTION, YOU WRETCHED SHEBEAST.
MY CONFIDENCE LEVELS ARE COMPLETELY OFF THE CHARTS, WHICH IS A WELL ESTABLISHED FACT THAT WE WILL NEVER NEED TO DISCUSS EVER AGAIN.
I HAVE THE CONFIDENCE TO ACCEPT YOUR CHALLENGE AND TO KNOW THAT I CAN BEAT YOU AT YOUR HEROING GAME.
I HAVE THE CONFIDENCE TO CALL YOU OUT ON YOUR BULLSHIT-- YOU DON'T WANT TO SAVE ME BECAUSE YOU RESPECT ME, YOU WANT TO SAVE ME BECAUSE YOU RESPECT YOURSELF.
I'M MERELY A TOOL IN YOUR INTERNALIZED RESPECT POWERPLAY, WHICH IS TOTALLY DUMB IN EVERY WAY, SHAPE, AND FORM AND COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE.
I HAVE THE CONFIDENCE TO KNOW THAT BY ACCEPTING THE MURDER CHALLENGE, I'M GOING TO MAKE FUTURE ME'S LIFE MORE MISERABLE, WHICH IS ALWAYS MY GOAL.
(BECAUSE SERIOUSLY, FUCK THAT FUTURE ASSHOLE RIGHT UP THE WASTECHUTE.
HE'S SUCH A GODDAMN WASTE OF MY POTENTIAL.)
I HAVE THE CONFIDENCE TO KNOW THAT YOU'RE NOT MY FUCKING MOIRAIL, SO ANY ATTEMPTS TO MAY MAKE TO ANALYZE ME OR MY ACTIONS ARE EMPIRICALLY FALSE.

MY CONFIDENCE COULD PUNCH YOUR CONFIDENCE IN THE FACE.

[you_gotta_deal_with_it]

nope

[selfkismesis]

YUP.

[you_gotta_deal_with_it]

okay if youre so confident then come fight me

[selfkismesis]

ARE YOU GOING TO MURDER ME?
IF NOT, NO.
I'LL FIGHT YOU AFTER I'M MURDERED.
GOTTA GET MY PRIORITIES IN ORDER.

[you_gotta_deal_with_it]

except youre not going to get murdered sooooo youre just using this as an excuse to chickenmole out

c h i c k e n m o l e

[selfkismesis]

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS.

[you_gotta_deal_with_it]

well you can probably guess smart guy

[selfkismesis]

ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT.
WHERE ARE YOU.
WE'RE FIGHTING
LET'S DO THIS.

[you_gotta_deal_with_it]

10th floor rec room
meet me there within the hour or you're the biggest chickenmole ever to lay an egg

[selfkismesis]

DONE.

[ and then karkat willingly walked to the buttkicking of his life. ]

[you_gotta_deal_with_it]

[ooc: Do you wanna action this bitch or should we handwave an affable asskicking]

[selfkismesis]

[ we can action-- i just suck at describing fights so there will probably be some shitty ms paint involved. ]

[you_gotta_deal_with_it]

[ooc: You phrase that as a threat. I take it as a promise.]

[Korra is standing and waiting in the rec room, punching the air. She's in her jumpsuit with some water in a horn at her waist, and she's dragged a few rocks in here from the garden - just for good measure. Now she's focused half on warming up and half on just looking cool when the crabby guy shows up.]

[selfkismesis]

[ Karkat shows up precisely on time. He's just that kind of guy. He's also the kind of guy to kick open the door while infecting each and every electron in the room with his special brand of sourpussness. Unfortunately for him, you can't really kick these doors open, so he spends an awkward few seconds trying to open the goddamn door. There goes his dramatic entry.

When he finally enters the room, he's too pissed to question why there are rocks on the floor or how the hell can someone be that in shape. Instead, he cuts right to the point: ]

Are you that Avatard?

[you_gotta_deal_with_it]

[Korra turns with a smug smile and all prepared to say You can call me Korra, or "girl-who-kicked-my-butt," whichever you'd prefer except that the snappy opening (which she'd worked out while crabby guy was walking here) kind of fades away as she stares at...him. All...gray. And...sickly-looking. And she's happy to smack him down, but maybe a little bit less happy if he looks like he's about to keel over from some kind of plague.]

Um...Yeeah. Hey, are you okay?

[selfkismesis]

... [ The sheer stupidity of that question silences him for a moment or two. You've done the impossible, Korra. ]

Wh-What? What kind of question is that?

[you_gotta_deal_with_it]

You look kinda...sick.

[She comes a couple steps closer, peering at him.]

[selfkismesis]

[ He takes a few steps back. ]

No, I don't. Is this some nefarious ploy you're pulling? It's not going to fucking work, woman. Step off.

[you_gotta_deal_with_it]

[She pulls a face - ]

Yeah, I don't do ploys. Look - [She crosses her arms.] I'm gonna kick your butt. You definitely have that coming, so it's gonna happen. But when I do, you're gonna be at full strength so that you can't start whining about how it wasn't fair to you. You're not gonna be all...gray and weak-looking.

1/2

[selfkismesis]

[selfkismesis]

[ oh ]

Holy shit, that's racist as fuck. Plot twist-- Not everyone is humans! Gray is completely natural, and in fact, my skin is a damn fine shade of it! I'm a one-troll killing machine, there's not a single piece of me that looks weak. [ except for the belly fat from eating about fifty cupcakes a day for months on end. ]

[you_gotta_deal_with_it]

[She peers even closer, and...Huh, that's seriously his skin color? Weird. But yeah, he's like that all over...]

Uh, o...kay, if you say so. Very...nice...gray. [She shakes her head and then shrugs.] So you're as strong as you're gonna be?