001: text;

[selfkismesis]

GIVE YOURSELVES A PAT ON THE BACK.
JUST QUIT WHATEVER MUNDANE AND UNDOUBTEDLY RETARDED ACT YOU'RE FUCKFIRST IN THE MIDDLE OF COMMITTING, REACH AROUND, AND JUST PAT PAT PAT.
YOU (AND BY "YOU" I AM REFERRING TO WHOEVER CAN READ THIS WHO MAY OR MAY NOT BE INVOLVED IN THE BULLSHIT OCCURRING THIS VERY MOMENT) DESERVE IT.
YOU'VE CLIMBED THIS WHOLE MOUNTAIN OF CREATIVITY AND BRAINSPONGE FAMINES, YOU HAVE EMBRACED THE DRAMATIC SCENERY, AND WHISPERED A STOUT BUT AFFIRMING "YES" INTO THE INFINITE DEPTHS OF METAPHORICAL VICTORY.
YOU ARE THE CHAMPION, MY FRIENDS.
YOU HAVE GONE WHERE NO MAN, WOMAN, TROLL, OR BABBY HAS EVER DARED TO GO BEFORE.



YOU HAVE TAKEN ME
KARKAT MOTHERFUCKING VANTAS
FROM A SPACE STATION
AND IN A FIT OF UNTOLD BRILLIANCE THAT WILL BE SUNG ABOUT FOR EONS TO COME
YOU HAVE MOVED ME TO A GODDAMN SPACE *SHIP*.

I AM STRAIGHT UP SHITHIVE ASTOUNDED.
WE ARE STILL IN SPACE.
IS IT THE SAME SPACE???
IS THERE SUCH A THING AS "SAME SPACE"???
WILL I EVER NOT BE STUCK ON A HUNK OF METAL IN SPACE????
WE JUST DON'T FUCKING KNOW.

GOD, I HATE SPACE.






SO BASICALLY
GREAT JOB, YOU USELESS PIECES OF DECOMPOSING SHIT.
COMMENT HERE, TELL ME A LITTLE ABOUT YOUR SUPERFLUOUS EXISTENCE (SIX WORDS OR LESS), AND ALLOW ME TO TAILOR MY PROJECTILE VOMITING TO FIT YOUR SPECIAL AND UNIQUE NEEDS.

Comments

[willpunchfaces]

[give Francis a moment. he's overwhelmed by sudden SOULMATE feelings

someone who understands. someone who gets how horrible robots are. he never thought he'd see the day. it's actually sort of incredible, and so he blurts out]

Dude, you should join my team.

[selfkismesis]

WHAT. [ pretty much the exact opposite response he was expecting ]

[willpunchfaces]

We call ourselves the Avengers. Me and James, we're the ones who started it. We come from a world where robots destroyed everything. Figure you'd understand where we're coming from wanting to protect others on this ship.

[selfkismesis]

OH.



DO I HAVE TO DO 'AVENGING' OR WHATEVER?
OR DO I JUST GET TO SERVE SOME SERIOUS KICKASS TO ROBOTS?

[willpunchfaces]

Depends on what comes up. But I won't necessarily stop you over the latter.

[selfkismesis]

CAN I BE THE LEADER?

[willpunchfaces]

Yeah, I don't think so.

[selfkismesis]

FUCK YOUR GROUP.

[willpunchfaces]

Dude, don't be an idiot. You're not leading a group we started.

[selfkismesis]

THEN I'LL MAKE MY OWN GROUP.
HELL, I'VE *GOT* MY OWN GROUP.
WE JUST DON'T HAVE A RETARDEDASS NAME.

[willpunchfaces]

Insult the name again, and I will punch you in the face.

[selfkismesis]

SHITTY DUMB AS FUCK NAME.
COME AT ME.

[willpunchfaces]

Gimme your location and I will.

[selfkismesis]

UH



LOCATION:
SPACE SHIP???? [ fuck he can't do location pings like in singularity ]

[willpunchfaces]

Where you are on the ship, idiot.

[selfkismesis]

UH

[willpunchfaces]

You know what? Nevermind. I'll just find you.

[selfkismesis]

OK.

[ ...is this a budding black romance. or does he think it's red and is confused or does karkat just have to sit here and twiddle his thumbs and should he like find a gift or something ]

[willpunchfaces]

[it's the start of the most epic bromance in the history of the universe. or hatemance. or brohatemance. whatever. Francis is coming after him and he will punch Karkat in his little troll face la la la oh hey there Karkat guess who finally found you. he thinks it's you, anyway, seeing as he doesn't ... know what you look like. it's gotta be you]

[selfkismesis]

[ Karkat is pretty obvious. He hasn't moved much since he first arrived, spending most of his time textually shouting down idiots and asserting his superiority through a plethora of snarky comments and bitchery. Which means he's currently hunched over his communicator in the middle of a hallway, typing furiously.

Have fun tripping over him, punk. ]

What the fuck-- Check yourself before you wreck yourself, shithole!

[willpunchfaces]

[Francis is part bird, so he manages to right himself without looking like a total ass, but yep, turning on Karkat right now. hope you don't mind, he's like 5'8 and shoving a finger in your face, Karkat]

Or maybe you shouldn't sit in the middle of the hallway, idiot.

[selfkismesis]

[ Karkat might be small and pudgy, but you're getting a finger right back at you, buddy boy. ]

Or maybe you should use those ocular globes situated in your hideous face before attacking innocent trolls! [ CHEST POKE. shit just got real. ]

[willpunchfaces]

[bring it, midget]

Funny, but my eyes work just fine. It's too bad you're just not all that interesting and blend into the background. [beat] Who are you calling hideous, lazy eye?

[selfkismesis]

[ Karkat is completely willing and able to accept the fact that he blends in. It happens when you're grey, okay. So he addresses the most important part instead: ]

You're the most hideous monstrosity I've ever had the misfortune to look at. Standing in your personal space is a one-way ticket straight to Vomitville, and the only reason I haven't empty my digestion sac all over your feet is because I've got the iron willpower of a god. Someone should wipe your face off your face, and do the whole fucking world the favor of never having to look at it again.

[willpunchfaces]

[yep. Francis has met his troll soulmate

he also might be aiming a punch at said soulmate's face right now because fuck you Karkat his face is perfect]