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[selfkismesis]

GIVE YOURSELVES A PAT ON THE BACK.
JUST QUIT WHATEVER MUNDANE AND UNDOUBTEDLY RETARDED ACT YOU'RE FUCKFIRST IN THE MIDDLE OF COMMITTING, REACH AROUND, AND JUST PAT PAT PAT.
YOU (AND BY "YOU" I AM REFERRING TO WHOEVER CAN READ THIS WHO MAY OR MAY NOT BE INVOLVED IN THE BULLSHIT OCCURRING THIS VERY MOMENT) DESERVE IT.
YOU'VE CLIMBED THIS WHOLE MOUNTAIN OF CREATIVITY AND BRAINSPONGE FAMINES, YOU HAVE EMBRACED THE DRAMATIC SCENERY, AND WHISPERED A STOUT BUT AFFIRMING "YES" INTO THE INFINITE DEPTHS OF METAPHORICAL VICTORY.
YOU ARE THE CHAMPION, MY FRIENDS.
YOU HAVE GONE WHERE NO MAN, WOMAN, TROLL, OR BABBY HAS EVER DARED TO GO BEFORE.



YOU HAVE TAKEN ME
KARKAT MOTHERFUCKING VANTAS
FROM A SPACE STATION
AND IN A FIT OF UNTOLD BRILLIANCE THAT WILL BE SUNG ABOUT FOR EONS TO COME
YOU HAVE MOVED ME TO A GODDAMN SPACE *SHIP*.

I AM STRAIGHT UP SHITHIVE ASTOUNDED.
WE ARE STILL IN SPACE.
IS IT THE SAME SPACE???
IS THERE SUCH A THING AS "SAME SPACE"???
WILL I EVER NOT BE STUCK ON A HUNK OF METAL IN SPACE????
WE JUST DON'T FUCKING KNOW.

GOD, I HATE SPACE.






SO BASICALLY
GREAT JOB, YOU USELESS PIECES OF DECOMPOSING SHIT.
COMMENT HERE, TELL ME A LITTLE ABOUT YOUR SUPERFLUOUS EXISTENCE (SIX WORDS OR LESS), AND ALLOW ME TO TAILOR MY PROJECTILE VOMITING TO FIT YOUR SPECIAL AND UNIQUE NEEDS.

Comments

[willpunchfaces]

Yeah, I don't think so.

[selfkismesis]

FUCK YOUR GROUP.

[willpunchfaces]

Dude, don't be an idiot. You're not leading a group we started.

[selfkismesis]

THEN I'LL MAKE MY OWN GROUP.
HELL, I'VE *GOT* MY OWN GROUP.
WE JUST DON'T HAVE A RETARDEDASS NAME.

[willpunchfaces]

Insult the name again, and I will punch you in the face.

[selfkismesis]

SHITTY DUMB AS FUCK NAME.
COME AT ME.

[willpunchfaces]

Gimme your location and I will.

[selfkismesis]

UH



LOCATION:
SPACE SHIP???? [ fuck he can't do location pings like in singularity ]

[willpunchfaces]

Where you are on the ship, idiot.

[selfkismesis]

UH

[willpunchfaces]

You know what? Nevermind. I'll just find you.

[selfkismesis]

OK.

[ ...is this a budding black romance. or does he think it's red and is confused or does karkat just have to sit here and twiddle his thumbs and should he like find a gift or something ]

[willpunchfaces]

[it's the start of the most epic bromance in the history of the universe. or hatemance. or brohatemance. whatever. Francis is coming after him and he will punch Karkat in his little troll face la la la oh hey there Karkat guess who finally found you. he thinks it's you, anyway, seeing as he doesn't ... know what you look like. it's gotta be you]

[selfkismesis]

[ Karkat is pretty obvious. He hasn't moved much since he first arrived, spending most of his time textually shouting down idiots and asserting his superiority through a plethora of snarky comments and bitchery. Which means he's currently hunched over his communicator in the middle of a hallway, typing furiously.

Have fun tripping over him, punk. ]

What the fuck-- Check yourself before you wreck yourself, shithole!

[willpunchfaces]

[Francis is part bird, so he manages to right himself without looking like a total ass, but yep, turning on Karkat right now. hope you don't mind, he's like 5'8 and shoving a finger in your face, Karkat]

Or maybe you shouldn't sit in the middle of the hallway, idiot.

[selfkismesis]

[ Karkat might be small and pudgy, but you're getting a finger right back at you, buddy boy. ]

Or maybe you should use those ocular globes situated in your hideous face before attacking innocent trolls! [ CHEST POKE. shit just got real. ]

[willpunchfaces]

[bring it, midget]

Funny, but my eyes work just fine. It's too bad you're just not all that interesting and blend into the background. [beat] Who are you calling hideous, lazy eye?

[selfkismesis]

[ Karkat is completely willing and able to accept the fact that he blends in. It happens when you're grey, okay. So he addresses the most important part instead: ]

You're the most hideous monstrosity I've ever had the misfortune to look at. Standing in your personal space is a one-way ticket straight to Vomitville, and the only reason I haven't empty my digestion sac all over your feet is because I've got the iron willpower of a god. Someone should wipe your face off your face, and do the whole fucking world the favor of never having to look at it again.

[willpunchfaces]

[yep. Francis has met his troll soulmate

he also might be aiming a punch at said soulmate's face right now because fuck you Karkat his face is perfect]

[selfkismesis]

[ Karkat's face lovingly embraces Francis' hand. Unfortunately, this is a romance that was never meant to be, because Karkat is stumbling back, frantically checking to see if anything is bleeding. Nothing is, which means his bitching factor will increase tenfold. ]

Your punches are as pathetic as your species! [ Which prompts a return punch right in the gut. ]

[willpunchfaces]

[yep, it would figure their first actual interaction is a punch out. and Francis does get hit, since he wasn't expecting the troll to punch back. that's okay, he's been itching for a fight]

My species would stomp you into the ground, midget! [here comes another punch]

and then they fought...

[selfkismesis]

and it was the start of a hideous relationship

[willpunchfaces]

perfection

[selfkismesis]

[ Perfection only lasts so long as Karkat isn't bleeding. At some point or another, he tastes the coppery tang of mutant imperfection in his mouth and completely flips his shit. Straight up, Hulk out, fist straight to Francis' dick on Karkat's road to abscondance. ]

Okay, okay, we're done. Whatever, it's done, no one cares, let the hoofbeast out to pasture. [ All said from behind his hands. There is no way in hell everyone will figure out his blood color like they did in Sacrosanct. It's a new beginning, and even if no one actually cares about it, it's still a big deal. ]

[willpunchfaces]

[nut punches are NOT COOL KARKAT. and seriously Francis could give two shits about your blood colour but he's currently fending off extraordinary amounts of pain from a troll punch to the groin]

I think I hate you.

[but he still kind of wants you on his team]