[video] 002

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

_{[ Hi Tranquility. Are you ready dor a mouthfull? Cause you're getting it. Feed clicks on to show America, apparently just out of his jumpsuit and in his boxers. He's just seated on his bed, hair tousled a bit, evidently not very concerned about his appearance even though he's addressing who knows how many people. He's too lazy to get up. He's eating out of a bag of chips that he found aboard the ship when exploring the facilities; that is what he spent all day doing.
Giving the communicator a bit of a salute, he says something incoherent with his mouth full before flashing a grin. ]}

HEEEEEY YOU GUYS. EVENING, DUDES, THIS IS YOUR HERO SPEAKING. GOT SOME IMPORTANT TO SAY. You better listen up, I've also got a surprise for you all! _{[ He adjusts his posture, throat clearing. ]}

Hahaha, righto! SO! If you are unfamiliar with EARTH, or whatever, I've been awesomely awesome as usual and drew myself a map for you dudes so you can understand the very, VERY, important things about the Earth I've graciously drawn out for you. Yeah, I'm a nice guy! Hahahaaha! So, here we go! It looks something like THIS, are you ready?? Tony, bro, if you will please!

_{[ A little grey alien jumps into view, holding up a piece of paper which looks like this: ]}



HAHAA. RIGHT, so that totally accurate cause I drew it! Everything circled is MINE, and I pointed out my dick cause it has the HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH! This is for you slackers that didn't pay attention to American geography class for whatever reason!! Hahaha, so! On the subject of my dick, _{[ pointing to the map as he say all of this ]} I'll just segway as to why THIS IS MY DICK. If you don't know what the shit I'm talking about, I'M GONNA EXPLAIN. _{[ A brief pause to stuff some chips in his mouth and he speaks, lips smacking before swallowing. ]}

--So, I figure I'll be the heroic one and take responsibility here. I'm gonna break something to you all just in case you hear country names being thrown around and you're all: Oh my GOD WHAT THE SHIT!?!? I THOUGHT YOU WERE ALFRED, OH GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING.
RIIIIIIIGHT, chill out, here's the low-down. Some of us you may talk to are the embodiments of our respectable countries we're being called. We're like the spirits of our countries like some crazy Miyazaki film or something. SO YEAH YOU HEARD ME. YEAH IT'S MIND-BLOWING, INNIT? BUT YOU KNOW THIS WHOLE THING IS MIND-BLOWING,. I MET CAPTAIN KIRK WHO IS SUPPOSED TO BE FICTIONAL, SO WHATEVER, DUDE. And we have human names just for kicks, and when we gotta use them for living out normal life shit or something. [ He picks at his nose slightly before continuing. ]
Uh, okay, RIGHT SOMETHING COOL: Apparently people also can be from different timelines and alternate dimensions and it's REALLY FUCKING FAR OUT AND AWESOME! BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT BESIDES THE FACT YOU MAY BE FROM OUR WORLD, OR YOU MAY NOT.

Anyway, back on the subject of us, basically we're all really, really important and have a degree of immortality and super strength and stamina last I checked! The citizens and the government make us up, parts of the landmass coincide with parts on our body, etccc, etccc, yadda yadda. So far there are only four of us I've seen on this ship! We're hundreds of years old, we age differently, we die differently, we've fought in wars, we've done responsibilities that you don't even KNOW OF, MAN. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW.

OKAY SOOOOO, ONTO THE INTROS I'll introduce!
If you see a girl that thinks she has a dick, has long hair with a flower in it sometimes, that's Hungary! Maybe you know her as Elizaveta. F.Y.I, J.S.Y.K HISTORY LESSON: She used to be married to this dude named Austria, or Roderich if you give a shit about European history, which I really don't!! Haha! He's here and he has glasses and is like a pansy. They're both from the 1950's for some reason! WHICH REALLY BLOWS MY MIND CAUSE HOLY SHIT IT'S LIKE BACK TO THE FUTURE.
Hahaha! Right! And the other one is Natalia, or Belarus. If you meet a crazy lady that wants to marry her brother, that's her and you should just.. be careful. She's former USSR and scary as shit. She's from the year crazy and will ALWAYS be there. Basically I gotta say about her; just be cautious, even if she's hot. Don't give into her hotness, she'll lure you in like a she-devil and propaganda your shit out.

_{[ A bit of laughter, sounding a bit nervous if anything, he throws his head back. ]}

HAHAHA! SO ANYWAY, DUDES. There's one of us for every country! Isn't that kind of AWESOME?? Other country guys that I haven't seen are England. You can tell by his massive eyebrows and Simon Cowell I-hate-my-life personality that he is England and I kicked his ass in the Revolution. Juuuuust thought I'd throw that out there for you people that aren't familiar with anything pertaining to America. Never try anything he cooks, and he hallucinates fairies and shit. Just ignore that; he's loony--
If you see a guy with a fat face, fat nose, fat ass, fat stomach, that's Russia, or Ivan! He's stupid and you shouldn't like him. Why? Well, he's a Communist power hungry dick and I beat his ass in the Cold War! [ no you didn't ] Yeah, I know I'm cool.
Oh! And one more I'll talk about. if you see a dude that looks like lady with blond hair and a thick accent, you should just run! That's the Frenchie, or Francis, and he smells like garlic and he's basically a pervert. Aaaaaall you gotta know about him. Those are just a few of us! But like I said, I've only seen Hungary, Austria, and Belarus.

_{[ A beat, he takes a deep breath. ]}

SO LAY IT ON ME, DUDES AND DUDETTES. Am I making myself clear? Get it? Map of the earth? We're the embodiments of that? We're the SHIT COOOOOOL AWESOME? DISNEYWORLD IS ON MY DICK???

HAAHAA, SO. If you have any questions regarding this, feel free to contact me!
This is Alfred F. Jones, the United States of America......
OVER AND OUT!!!!

_{[ THE MOST CONFUSING EXPLANATION EVER, BUT HERE YOU GO. ]}

Comments

text i am dying rn omfg

[cognitive]

[ oh my christ ALL THE UNSURES WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH ]

i'm not sure that this is an entirely accurate representation of our planet.

8)d video;

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

_{[ Reading the text, laughing lightly. He runs a hand through his hair. ]}

Don't be ridic, dude! I got it all down. You got your Commies, and the tacos, and the titties, and the hula girls, and drugs, and more Commies, Asians, Pokemon....

I didn't write it, but Brad and Angelina are on there too.

voice

[walksonrooftops]

[Quick bookmark for reference. Knowledge!]

Thank you, America! Wow, everyone is so helpful here.

THIS DOESN'T EXIST

[cognitive]

[ crying on the inside

just a little bit ]

( text )

[habitformed.livejournal.com]

text;

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

[ this comment is not here ]

[flares.livejournal.com]

[ But for the record, Capa does choke on his own spit momentarily when he sees the map. ]

[ also not here. ]

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

_{[ and to think, this is America's second post.
Only his second post. ]}

[Video]

[hagyjbeken.livejournal.com]

I will murder you, I swear to God.

video;

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

_{[ He'll oogle. Just for a bit. A bit.
He grins, then crosses his arms, looking cocky. ]}

I did a pretty damn good job, didn't I? I wasn't the best at art; science is my stuff, but I think I did a good job.
Those isles up in who-gives-a-shit land were annoying so I just did accurate scribbles.

What'ya think?

[babbletechno.livejournal.com]

[America DID NOT LOOK LIKE THAT in his universe but. Okay.]

I haven't seen a human map like that before.

Are you're a...representation of the United States of America? Is that right? [just trying to interpret America's shouting. He's seen weirder.]

[also you guys nuked his ship, what the slag was up with that?]

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

_{[ he's oblivious to any of that!! like everything else. ]}

Yep, you got it, dude! I'm the best one; the hero! The land of free, home of the brave!

text; THIS IS JUST AMAZING!

[constructum]

Are you okay? Are you having a reaction to something?

[ cause wtf. ]

text; 8)d <33

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

[turntechgodhood.livejournal.com]

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

text; 1/2

[starked]

u.s. still owns guam. and the virgin islands. and puerto rico. and the mariana islands. and they're not circled.

text; I CANNOT STOP LAUGHING.

[starked]

also your dick is really marshy and prone to hurricanes. fucking florida is shit.

...and don't ever call anything that helps you tony again.

[ NOT HERE ][ I AM CRYING FROM LAUGHTER ]

[antifroze.livejournal.com]

[ What the fuck are you on? ]

[ MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. ]

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

_{[ AMERICAN SPIRIT!!!!!!!
it's sugoi. ]}

[ text ]

[anomalyse.livejournal.com]

woooooow.

[... and then. ]

just a small
thing
but
you missed a spot.

text;

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

[audio] i can't i have lost the ability to can

[testgasm]

I--

I'm sorry. What?

OH NO. 8C video;

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

_{[ munch munch munch eat eat eat. ]}

Hmmnnnnn? Somebody there?

[video]

[wiener-bonbons.livejournal.com]

[Slow clap. With the most irritated face. The claps bleed sarcasm. And then he drops one hand, and the other he uses to forehead-palm.]

Excellent. I honestly do not recall you being quite this stupid. Naive, yes. Ignorant, most likely. But the stupidity is new.

What happened? Did it happen to all of us in your time, or just you?

video;

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

You probably know me a little but more serious back in the day, yeah? And with my dapper this dapper that speech; I don't even use dapper anymore.

Times change, dude! It's not exactly a bad thing. You probably recall me being a bit more paranoid, maybe with a more determined underlining.

It's not stupidity, by the way! I just don't care what people think about me. Free spirited, you know.

_{[ .. ]}

How are you hanging?
Meeeeeeans how are you doing, by the way.

[ Video ]

[consulting]

[ Face in Hands. FACE IN HANDS AMERICA. ]

video;

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

_{[ he doesn't recognize you cause BBC IS SHIT.
TAKE THAT BBC SHIT. MAKE IT INTO A FUCKING MOVIE LIKE HE ALWAYS DOES WITH BRITAIN'S STUFF.
SO... ]}

You need an asprin or something, man? What's up?

[not here lmfao i can't even]

[in-three.livejournal.com]

[if this is the embodiment of America.........

he's kind of glad he wasn't alive back then.

but otherwise?

lmfao.]

[ <3 ]

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

<sub>[ KIRK KIRK KIRK KIRK LOOK LOOK I DREW THE MAP ALL BY MYSELF
THAT ONE PLACE UP THERE WITH THE STUFF THAT I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS SEE IT IT SAYS "WHAT IS THIS"... IT CAN BE....



....
SHIT THAT SOUNDS LIKE ENGLAND AS A PIRATE.



BETTER. ]</sub>

voice;

[of-two.livejournal.com]

[ the longest longest silent assessment of all things in the history of ever. before finally- ]

A most accurate representation of the reason for the United States of America's unusually elevated involvement in war.

video;

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

AW HELL YEAAAH. IT'S SPOCK.

_{[ wow i gotta backtag his reaction to you but whatever. ]}

Dude, you're gonna have to run that by via text-a-roo. I always had to rewind anytime you opened your mouth in the old television series.

[Not Here]

[cutthelines.livejournal.com]

[This is the fate of the New World?]

[NOOOOOT HERE I LOVE THESE NOT HERE POSTS. ]

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

_{[ it lies in the leadership and hands of a hormonally driven teenager with a hero complex, yes. ]}

[VIDEO]

[ex_myturn41]

[line.face.] Thank you for making people from Earth, Americans especially, look like insane morons.

video;

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

NO PROBLEM.

Wait---

No, I only informed people. Sharing information is smart. I figured we're all on a ship together, we should be honest together. We have the common goal of getting home, yeah?

video;

[barkstabbark]

[he knows you, Alfred]

... Fucking hell, don't tell me I'm stuck here with you.

video;

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

_{[ He squints at the screen. Hm. This is an interesting creature indeed. ]}

Woah, woaaahh. I saw purple dude's info about you. You're like an alien too or something. I don't think he liked you very much; are you guys from the same world?
And no, no! You're not stuck here. I mean, you can wander around other places on the ship and stuff.

Hide yo' kids... [text to action?]

[bipolar-bride.livejournal.com]

[Oh....oh my God. The homicidal rage has her SEARCHING. But, she has to play it nice so she can find him. The communicators don't list names anyway right? Sure, let's go with that.]



[She wanted to gag, oh God...]

(ooc: sorry for the crack. She's evil-eyeing me now; hesitantly clicks post)

OHGOD. text;

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

[statsraaden]

[So this is the planet half the people here come from? Well, this fine young man doesn't seem to like anyone there, or even give them any dose of respect. Congratulations, between that and everything else you said, you've officially made into the very short list of people Stats thinks are dicks genitalia, and the last one took way more than five days before making it.]
First, but I'm sure you've been asked already, what are you on.
Second, you seem like you don't think anyone from your planet but you is in any way competent. This may seriously hinder your chances at having friends.
Then, I see you don't like women as well. You've only ever had negative words toward any you mentioned.
And finally, this lad you don't like, and we shouldn't as well. Aren't I entitled to my own opinions about people, and allowed to form them without interference, especially one as little backed up as yours?
And you involve yourself willingly in wars. This one definitely takes the cake.

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

_{[ He considers this answer, knowing rightfully well he's been insulted, and waves his hand. ]}

I'm on a ship, but if it'll help you out, I'll give you a kind of relevant reference:

Get your towels ready it's about to go down--
Everybody in the place hit the fucking deck--
But stay on your motherfuckin' toes
We runnin' this, let's go!

I'm on a boat
I'm on a boat
Everybody look at me cause I'm sailing on a boat
I'm on a boat
I'm on a boat
Take a good hard look at the motherfuckin' boat!

_{[ some laughter. ]}

And woahh, hold up man. That isn't true! Hungary and Belarus just happen to be some of the most threatening women from my world. Hungary can knock your shit up with her frying pan and Belarus just... you know. Belarus with daggers and insanity.
I've helped numerous of other female nations in the past, so don't do that all sexist shit on me, dude. They're pretty important, they made sandwiches, and some of them do kind of kick ass.

I involve myself in wars to help them. Let is also be noted that our bosses, you know, as in my presidents, sent me to war. It's not all my decision.

...But I do like blowing shit up. Like when I'm bored, I fill trolls and Barbies with gunpowder and light them on fire, but that's not the point.

That being said, it's a good thing all the other countries like me and ask me for help. Sounds like friends to me. Even so, I don't need friends, are you kissing? I'm totally independent.

_{[ that is a blatant LIE. poor america STRIVES on friendship. ]}

[ video ]

[aguidingstar.livejournal.com]

[ well, Hotspur isn't sure if Hallmark make a 'SORRY, YOU'RE ALL PROBABLY NON-EXISTENT IN THE WORLD I COME FROM BECAUSE EARTH IS DEAD' card. Whoops. ]

That's - that's pretty interesting. I've only ever seen a couple of maps of old Earth and they weren't nearly as... informative as yours. [ For a given value of informative. ]

video;

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

_{[ He's believe it; he's already thought of that, frankly. ]}

Hey, HEY, thanks man! You're cool.
Sure, they all got a heap ton more things interesting about them, but I couldn't fit everything on there, you know? Just the basics-need-to-knows from my point of view.

[ NOT HERE ]

[maskiruet.livejournal.com]

[ because natasha spends about five minutes staring incredulously at the map before deciding not to waste her time and turning her communicator off. ]

[ NOT HEEEERE. ]

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

_{[ Not even if he gave you an even more informing one with color and illustrations?? ]}

[ video ]

[mindsext.livejournal.com]

[ ughhh this English woman is terribly unamused. ]

You are a truly repulsive person.

video;

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

_{[ ENGLISH ALERT HOLY SHIT GET ALL THE DOCTOR WHO REFERENCES READY. ]}

--Uh, excuse me? How? I'm not doing anything but helping you guys who are confused out.

video; SOB I AM DYING

[harvestsol.livejournal.com]

This is grossly inaccurate.

[ And your dick has Disney World on it, sir. Think of the children. ]

video; HAHA oh goodness.

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

Well, you're free to voice your opinion but you're WRONG.
Look. Middle east as oil and sand, it's cold up with them Nordics, Canadia has moose, tacos from from Mexico, Asians are over there....

I don't know how it could be inaccurate. I just left out a lot of details.