ataraxion | [video] 002

[video] 002

_{[ Hi Tranquility. Are you ready dor a mouthfull? Cause you're getting it. Feed clicks on to show America, apparently just out of his jumpsuit and in his boxers. He's just seated on his bed, hair tousled a bit, evidently not very concerned about his appearance even though he's addressing who knows how many people. He's too lazy to get up. He's eating out of a bag of chips that he found aboard the ship when exploring the facilities; that is what he spent all day doing.
Giving the communicator a bit of a salute, he says something incoherent with his mouth full before flashing a grin. ]}

HEEEEEY YOU GUYS. EVENING, DUDES, THIS IS YOUR HERO SPEAKING. GOT SOME IMPORTANT TO SAY. You better listen up, I've also got a surprise for you all! _{[ He adjusts his posture, throat clearing. ]}

Hahaha, righto! SO! If you are unfamiliar with EARTH, or whatever, I've been awesomely awesome as usual and drew myself a map for you dudes so you can understand the very, VERY, important things about the Earth I've graciously drawn out for you. Yeah, I'm a nice guy! Hahahaaha! So, here we go! It looks something like THIS, are you ready?? Tony, bro, if you will please!

_{[ A little grey alien jumps into view, holding up a piece of paper which looks like this: ]}

HAHAA. RIGHT, so that totally accurate cause I drew it! Everything circled is MINE, and I pointed out my dick cause it has the HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH! This is for you slackers that didn't pay attention to American geography class for whatever reason!! Hahaha, so! On the subject of my dick, _{[ pointing to the map as he say all of this ]} I'll just segway as to why THIS IS MY DICK. If you don't know what the shit I'm talking about, I'M GONNA EXPLAIN. _{[ A brief pause to stuff some chips in his mouth and he speaks, lips smacking before swallowing. ]}

--So, I figure I'll be the heroic one and take responsibility here. I'm gonna break something to you all just in case you hear country names being thrown around and you're all: Oh my GOD WHAT THE SHIT!?!? I THOUGHT YOU WERE ALFRED, OH GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING.
RIIIIIIIGHT, chill out, here's the low-down. Some of us you may talk to are the embodiments of our respectable countries we're being called. We're like the spirits of our countries like some crazy Miyazaki film or something. SO YEAH YOU HEARD ME. YEAH IT'S MIND-BLOWING, INNIT? BUT YOU KNOW THIS WHOLE THING IS MIND-BLOWING,. I MET CAPTAIN KIRK WHO IS SUPPOSED TO BE FICTIONAL, SO WHATEVER, DUDE. And we have human names just for kicks, and when we gotta use them for living out normal life shit or something. [ He picks at his nose slightly before continuing. ]
Uh, okay, RIGHT SOMETHING COOL: Apparently people also can be from different timelines and alternate dimensions and it's REALLY FUCKING FAR OUT AND AWESOME! BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT BESIDES THE FACT YOU MAY BE FROM OUR WORLD, OR YOU MAY NOT.

Anyway, back on the subject of us, basically we're all really, really important and have a degree of immortality and super strength and stamina last I checked! The citizens and the government make us up, parts of the landmass coincide with parts on our body, etccc, etccc, yadda yadda. So far there are only four of us I've seen on this ship! We're hundreds of years old, we age differently, we die differently, we've fought in wars, we've done responsibilities that you don't even KNOW OF, MAN. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW.

OKAY SOOOOO, ONTO THE INTROS I'll introduce!
If you see a girl that thinks she has a dick, has long hair with a flower in it sometimes, that's Hungary! Maybe you know her as Elizaveta. F.Y.I, J.S.Y.K HISTORY LESSON: She used to be married to this dude named Austria, or Roderich if you give a shit about European history, which I really don't!! Haha! He's here and he has glasses and is like a pansy. They're both from the 1950's for some reason! WHICH REALLY BLOWS MY MIND CAUSE HOLY SHIT IT'S LIKE BACK TO THE FUTURE.
Hahaha! Right! And the other one is Natalia, or Belarus. If you meet a crazy lady that wants to marry her brother, that's her and you should just.. be careful. She's former USSR and scary as shit. She's from the year crazy and will ALWAYS be there. Basically I gotta say about her; just be cautious, even if she's hot. Don't give into her hotness, she'll lure you in like a she-devil and propaganda your shit out.

_{[ A bit of laughter, sounding a bit nervous if anything, he throws his head back. ]}

HAHAHA! SO ANYWAY, DUDES. There's one of us for every country! Isn't that kind of AWESOME?? Other country guys that I haven't seen are England. You can tell by his massive eyebrows and Simon Cowell I-hate-my-life personality that he is England and I kicked his ass in the Revolution. Juuuuust thought I'd throw that out there for you people that aren't familiar with anything pertaining to America. Never try anything he cooks, and he hallucinates fairies and shit. Just ignore that; he's loony--
If you see a guy with a fat face, fat nose, fat ass, fat stomach, that's Russia, or Ivan! He's stupid and you shouldn't like him. Why? Well, he's a Communist power hungry dick and I beat his ass in the Cold War! [ no you didn't ] Yeah, I know I'm cool.
Oh! And one more I'll talk about. if you see a dude that looks like lady with blond hair and a thick accent, you should just run! That's the Frenchie, or Francis, and he smells like garlic and he's basically a pervert. Aaaaaall you gotta know about him. Those are just a few of us! But like I said, I've only seen Hungary, Austria, and Belarus.

_{[ A beat, he takes a deep breath. ]}

SO LAY IT ON ME, DUDES AND DUDETTES. Am I making myself clear? Get it? Map of the earth? We're the embodiments of that? We're the SHIT COOOOOOL AWESOME? DISNEYWORLD IS ON MY DICK???

HAAHAA, SO. If you have any questions regarding this, feel free to contact me!
This is Alfred F. Jones, the United States of America......
OVER AND OUT!!!!

_{[ THE MOST CONFUSING EXPLANATION EVER, BUT HERE YOU GO. ]}

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You probably know me a little but more serious back in the day, yeah? And with my dapper this dapper that speech; I don't even use dapper anymore.

Times change, dude! It's not exactly a bad thing. You probably recall me being a bit more paranoid, maybe with a more determined underlining.

It's not stupidity, by the way! I just don't care what people think about me. Free spirited, you know.

_{[ .. ]}

How are you hanging?
Meeeeeeans how are you doing, by the way.

I seem to recall you had just started using the word "daddy-o." It was odd. And yes, you were extremely paranoid. Funny that you can go from being so paranoid about others to not caring about how you look to them.

[Giving his eyebrows a quick massage, yes; they were exerting themselves. Raise them, stretch them, and drop the hand and look at the screen.]

...I'm doing much better than when I first arrived, thank you.

HAHHA. Still use DADDYO, MAN. I'm one dapper as fuck daddyo, my main man.
Or something.

That's awesome.
So. We're the only dude nations here so far. We got you, and I as dudes, Belarus as the chick, and Hungary as..... Hungary.

_{[ He folds his fingers together, looking at Austria intently. ]}

I think you and I need some bromantic hanging out time, despite you playing pianos and being all German-like. You know, penises unite and stuff.

_{[ why do you talk america. ]}

[... Okay, the shot at Hungary was dumb, but the corner of his mouth just curled up a bit, pursing his lips in an attempt to keep a straight face. Finally he clears his throat. (Does he ever actually need to cough)] Hungary is entirely and thoroughly a woman, I can assure you.

Coffee, sometime? I may insist that you stick to decaf, pity as it is.

Hahahaaaaaaaa. Wooooow. I'm never getting married.

_{[ what does that mean; LIKE WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN. ]}

ANYWAY.
I'd be chill with that. I mean, usually I'd be like, where the hell is Austria on the map, but since we're the only dudes here, well.
Guess we can look past differences and be all like.. man.. manly men together.

Try the best you can, okay, I know it might be a challenge.

What spurred that comment?

[No seriously this is just starting to amuse him.]

South of Germany. [He is "the other German-speaking country." To be quite honest he would probably get along splendidly with Canada talking about being forgotten. ... Sidetrack for a moment?] ... Ludwig. Would love it if I could just complain to him about this whole situation right about now...

The presence of class does not result in an absence of masculinity.

That's deep, dude.

And what I mean by I'm not ever going to get married, is cause I don't want baggage, you know. I'm independent and strong. I don't need to rely on anybody in that sort of way when there's a risk of getting SHOT DOWN.
YOU KNOW if that's what you're into, cool. But both of you have implied stuff that makes it evident it's hard for you guys to let go.

Such things are her referring to something about your hands and how amazing they are, and you just now were like: Ohhh she is SUCH a woman.

I know this shit; I've sat through Dr. Phil before when there was nothing on TV. You both just weirdly miss each other or something.

_{[ this isn't his place but he's america he's supposed to do this. ]}

[...Blushing, what the actual fuck. Also yeah that "shot down" metaphor was much less of a metaphor than he would have liked LOL 1914 RUINED EVERYTHING]

We had separate governments when we were married; I'd hardly call that dependent. [Rationalizing there, Austria. You would have kinda maybe died if she didn't step in and propose.]

... First of all, this is none of your business. Second, I wasn't gloating. I was correcting you, good god. Third? She left me when both of us were in completely terrible shape, mostly kept to herself for years, and this is the first I'm seeing her. Actually seeing her, not just being thrown on the same side as her and avoiding conversation. She said she was taken from the middle of battle and I was concerned. If that looks like I can't let go, then I apologize for the misconception.

[Turning even redder now.] Sh...she said that? [A small pause before coughing unnecessarily again, looking away in a huff.] I'm sure it was simply a comment on my skills as a pianist. You're reading too much into this.

[Tilt of the head.] Who is Dr. Phil?

Not all dependency is government based; I mean emotionally dependent.

_{[ He strokes his chin, then points. ]}

Hahah, man. I don't care if you can't let go, but it might make you happier. That's just how I see it. Unless, of course, you want to like, donno...
Charm the pants off her and win her over again. _{[ here's where he acts like he knows what he's saying. ]}

Dude, you should open up with me more often. This is like therapy! Don't you feel better?

_{[ america stfu you have the hard time cleaning out the closet, let alone opening up about stuff. ]}

Also, Dr. Phil is some guy that gives advice to people. He's boring and ugly.

[LEGITIMATELY LAUGHING.] Therapy? Therapy?? This is nowhere near therapy. [Hears "doctor" and "advice" and ... yeah] I believe the term you are looking for is psychologist, ja? Perhaps if you didn't dismiss him because he is "boring and ugly" then you might have a better idea as to what therapy is supposed to be. How do you even know him?

[Okay, serious business.] I have no intentions of manipulating her in such a way. She is free to do as she pleases.

Wow, okay. I forgot I was dealing with Mister Freud pants.
Just talking and letting stuff out is therapy. Also I only watched like one episode. Jerry Springer is much better; just take my word for it.

And it's not manipulating, dumbass. It's being sexy and winning her over again if you want. If you don't, well, maybe you guys should just get over stuff and just talk more in person since apparently you guys haven't seen each other in awhile.

[...... Well fuck him having fair points.]

I... was going to play the violin so that she could come find me; this was before any of us really had our bearings. I played a few scales to warm up, didn't see her, so I figured she got sidetracked or overwhelmed with something since it was the first day, and I went to sleep.

For the record, exaggerating or highlighting one's own prowess with the intention of changing someone else's opinion is very much a form of manipulation. I'm not saying it's a terrible thing, I'm only saying it's pretty obviously being crafty to get your way. I wouldn't want her vision clouded because of a deliberate temptation.

Ahaaaaaaa. So...
You really are wanting to get her back, huh?

_{[ that tone in his voice. it is not a good thing. ]}

...I think you could do it, man.

[Encouragement has come in the most annoying form possible. What is juxtaposition.]

... It's not as simple as that; there are a lot of unknowns when the circumstances leading up to a split are out of your control. I think that it is natural to be curious about any unknown, regardless of the subject matter. I will admit I do wonder. I am not, however, expecting anything.

... If it does, you know, it wouldn't be because of any deliberate effort to seduce on my part. I... simply refuse; it can very well make things even worse. [Nnnnot going to go into detail on why he knows this.]

You can always hook up with another chick and see if it makes her jealous.

... Are you being serious? I haven't even seen her in person yet. This entire discussion has been painfully speculative. I prefer not to jump to conclusions, let alone jumping to such an extreme action.

Meet in person first, then! Invite her over for tea or coffee or whatever other shit we have here.
I don't know why it's such a problem; it was just a divorce, geez.

That happens all the time in America.

That sounds more reasonable.

[... The sourest of looks.]

Right, and I'm sure that every petty divorce is also tied with people losing nearly everything they had and a near 700-year dynasty being taken out of power. The union was so completely tied to the monarchy. And now I'm a republic, and a neutral one at that. Being attracted to her isn't even the safest thing I could be doing, considering I'm now officially on my own for the remainder of my existence, and thank you for rubbing it in.

[Frustrated growl.] Don't you see? You and all the others put me in this position, and while I'm grateful it's a hell of a lot better than most, it's still going to take a lot of adjusting to. Being encouraged to form another union is probably the last thing I need. Because I can't.

_{[ He gives it some thought, drumming his fingers on his lips. ]}

Yeah, okay. Guess it can be sort of awkward.
But you can't just avoid her this whole time, yeah?

Haha, you'll be fine on your own. England left me at home at all the time then I broke away from him and look how I came out!

_{[ oh god. ]}

Nothing to worry about! .... well, I mean, concerning like.. another party involved.

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[video] (my soul died a little making him talk about Dr. Phil like this)

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