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[video] 002; What the hell kind of devil bird chirps at night?
[ The video starts, with the above slammed into the screen. And then, the paper relents and moves back to show that familiar loser kid. ]
Hi, I am looking for a really good person to be a best friend for my good friend, orange Dave! He's an asshole but he's pretty nice, and he has lots of friends like me and Rose and Jade, but one of his bestest friends died a long time ago, and it is really hard to be good enough. So I am taking applications for a new best friend for him. Rose and Jade don't have to apply, but you can if you want! And the rest of you can go meet him yourself later, but he's really nice.
[ And it switches to text. ]
LMFAO OH MY GOD??? ALSO 1/???
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pat on the back and shoulder, gj bro]
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okay uhhh what???]
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but wait john was his best bro so-- ]
oh wait this got depressing fast
wow ihy this is horrible
i am never gonna be done
SCREW YOUR INBOX
no wait i'm almost done
also ilu btw
almost
oh okay i guess not here AND DONE.
WHY
because shut up
it got really sad when you realized it was sad you didn't even read the whole thing sad
i can't hold all this sad
you started off laughing so hysterically you suck
that was before it really hit me man and it hit me like a fat ass truck
AND THEN YOU JUST KEPT GOING......
punch in the feelings
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you murdered me in my sleep how could you do that
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[audio]
[He cannot decide which is worse.]
[audio]
Are you guys in a relationship together? Because I wanted to congratulate you two very personally because you two are such lovebirds except without the bird part because that's orange Dave.
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text;
Are You Sure This Is A Good Idea
text;
oh, wow, there are a lot of trolls here...
and this is the best idea!
i will totally do one for you any time.
you do not need to thank me for this genius device.
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ive up and inspired more emotions of awe than the grand fucking canyon just by reading these words youre beholden to the most awesome display of humanity to ever walk these echoing halls of spacehell
leave bitches in my wake lightning struck laying about all groveling at my feet to share my secrets
holding their burnt out eye sockets and weeping because they know in their hearts they just cant hold a candle to this
literally every waking moment of my day is spent wading through the jealous hordes like genghis khan bustin ass through asia and drinking horse blood like its apple juice
thats me with my rock hard steed galloping past all previous definitions of this word and giving no shits
its only me and the sword conquering the ancient world laying waste to civilization as you know it
a thousand years later middle schoolers practically burst into hysterical tears when they dare to gaze into my face inviting them to just try and sass me up from their history books
and sob out their apologies to my shitty black and white reproduction about how they now know they can never dare to be this awesome
scholars look at my trail of incredible through history and go
DAMN that is one hellaciously awesome guy
yeah
2. Are you a nice person?
shit you can call me brother theresa
3. What are your thoughts about cake?
i literally could not give less of a fuck about cake right now
4. Why are you good enough to be friends with him?
because he is the mary kate to my ashley
sisters bound by cardboard and paste
5. Do you promise not to die and leave him alone?
yeah this is definitely on my to do list
go to grocery store
pick up kids
go to post office
die meaningless and violent death
6. Are you going to play awesome pranks on him?
no never
7. And pretend to piss in his apple juice?
what kind of monster are you
8. I don't really know why I'm doing this.
i don't either dude
9. But he's a really good friend, so I hope you take care of him.
this isn't a question dingus
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i have read your application very carefully and i think you have 0% compatibility with yourself.
thank you for applying at john's shop a lot!
right next to john's smart mart and john's dizzywhirl.
open ALWAYS and closed NEVER.
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:33 < h33h33, i tollldddddd him furriendship was always an option >:33
:33 < oh!
:33 < youre john, right?
:33 < sorry this is kinda an awkward way to m33t
:33 < since i know a ton about you but i dont think you know a whole lot about me
:33 < annddd actually saying it doesnt really help to make it less awkward
:33 < whoops
:33 < okay starting again!
:33 < hi, im nepeta!
:33 < id like to be furriends with rumpledfeathers mcapathy
:33 < and you too of course
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but we here on friends shopping mart take our purchases very seriously!
you can pass the test if you can come up with more embarrassing nicknames for dave because those are totally awesome.
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[What.]
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he's my really good friend, but he needs a really great buddy.
since i am the bestest buddy, i have to screen them and everything.
i will use my cunning eye to detect all fouls.
BAZOW.
that is the sound of my cunning eye detecting all fouls.
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video;
[Is there supposed to be a joke in here somewhere? If there is one...]
I don't get it.
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You can apply, but I will be scrutinizing the applications very carefully, because I know what scrutiny means.
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[text] ...if you don't like antagonistic cr feel free to let me know
You know you're crazy, right[Not filling out that survey, nope.]
[text] i love any and all cr even those that end in ap
i am just being a really good friend!
i spent a lot of time on making everything just perfect and he will totally get the bestest friend now.
[text] Haha okay! ...wait what's ap
[text] cr + ap hehehehehehe yeah i'm five
[text] ...but...what's...ap HOW DOES ACRONYMS
[text] probably something fancy i just wanted to spell crap
[text] Fair enough!
[text] lmfao don't mind me i am just shy because i know you and you were nice to me!
[text] PFFFT if you know APH at all I am basically IRL Denmark is okey.
[text] but denmark what a guy!!!!! isn't that more intimidating please
[text] /SCREAM
[text] the fact that i can honestly say i've been watching you is kinda creepy
[text] If you watch me on LJ that is close to creepy. If not...nope.
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Scarfle, I can see why AO loves you, also VOICE;
VOICE; the opinion of someone who can't stop making puns is a aobviously vaoluable
i was going to include matthew mcconaughey but then i thought it was too long!
mostly because i got really bored doing it.
but nothing but the best for my friend!
and my best is nine questions long so that's ok.
Exactly. Also, gonna assume permavoice so I have more characters to subject snark in.
wow totally forgot it was voice IM NOT A DOOFUS ok he just talks in blue font
SOUNDS LEGIT he has a unique dialect.
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Wait, do we really need to fill a form for this?
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So you have to tell me your name and then what makes you great and possibly your favorite actor.
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1/4
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4/4
PRIVATE
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1/2
2/2 PRIVATE
[public]
[public oh okay then john XD]
[public] he thought she accidentally hit the wrong button...
[public]
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oh john
hehehehe
does it look like we did?
i'm just trying to find another friend for him in a totally awesome way!
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i did all the things good best friends do.
like combing each other's feathers?
i think that's a thing.
but his best friend died...
and i was a lot like him!
so it might be too much if his new best friend was really like his old one.
you are totally best friend material, though.
i am considering your application with my best serious face.
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tHAT i DON'T UNDERSTAND, rIGHT?
sOME SORT OF MOIRAIL SCREENING?
uM, wELL i DEFINITELY THINK ANYONE WHO WAS,
bEST BROS OR WHATEVER TERM, yOU WANT TO APPLY,
tO BEING TOTALLY TIGHT WITH A dAVE,
iS VERY AWESOME, aND SHOULD BE UP FOR SOME SHENANIGANS,
oF A PLAYFUL AND PRANKISH NATURE,
(yOU MAY ALSO WANT TO ADD SOMETHING ABOUT STRICT BEATS,
sINCE dAVE IS A MASTER THEREOF,)
wHILE ALL THAT IS PRETTY CERTAINLY TRUE,
uHHH, i THINK THIS IS THE SORT OF RELATIONSHIP,
i WOULD LIKE TO HAVE BE NOT BASED ON A FORM,
iT IS A PRETTY GOOD FORM, uH,
bUT THAT IS JUST ME,
oRANGE dAVE, i DO THINK YOU ARE GREAT THOUGH?
tHIS IS NOT A REFLECTION ON YOU,
jUST IT IS NOT HOW i MAKE FRIENDS,
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whoever wants to be dave's friend shouldn't just fill out a dumb ol' form...
they should do MAGIC TRICKS.
and if they are not awesome enough, i will have to cut them out!
you want to be dave's bestest friend, too, right?
i will give your application serious consideration!
i think you are even leading.
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And those are Japan's thoughts. He wonders if putting in John as a character in his kawaii magical girl Dave manga is against the rules.]
How kind. [It's the thought that counts right.]
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hi japan!
how did that talk with your not sister go?
i couldn't find her, but...
i really hope it went well.
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( text )
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i hope you are not here to bother him about bird balls because that would be weird.
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1/2 ( text )
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( TEXT | PRIVATE | ENCRYPTION 90% )
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video;
I don't know, from what I've seen, you look like you're actually a very good friend for him.
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[ no now peering closer to the video ] Are you here to apply? Because my business is open... um, not 24/7, but when I'm awake!
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[ encrypted and shit, to the max ]
[ encrypted and shit, to the max ]
i wonder if i'm doing something wrong?
dave is pretty cool when he's not being cool!
but maybe if i include a special raffle prize, more people will come.
except the prize will have to be REALLY cool.
[ encrypted and shit, to the max, and oh right text ]
[ encrypted and shit, to the max or he has a blue accent it happens to the best of smurfs ]
[ encrypted and shit, to the max aw I didn't know homestuck was about smurfs that's cute ]
[ encrypted and shit, to the max ]
video
[ A little playing with the device and viola, text. ]
1. Are you awesome? Ouais, je suis.
2. Are you a nice person? Ouais, je suis.
3. What are your thoughts about cake? Je kiffe la gâteau! Oh c'est très bon, donc, je suppose j'prefere la gâteau français.
4. Nick Cage is awesome. Peut-être, mais Clint Eastwood est meilleur.
5. Why are you good enough to be friends with him? Parce que je suis Français, et je suis France. Est-ce tu sais quelque chose mieux? Non, bien sûr pas.
6. Are you going to play awesome pranks on him? Peut-être...
7. And pretend to piss in his apple juice? Non, bien sûr pas!
8. I don't really know why I'm doing this. Puis-je répondre à ça?
9. But he's a really good friend, so I hope you take care of him. Ah ouais, bien sûr, mon petit garçon!
[ well....
good luck with that, john. ]
video
But I really can't read French! If that's French. Or really fancy English.
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