ataraxion | [video] 002; What the hell kind of devil bird chirps at night?

[ The video starts, with the above slammed into the screen. And then, the paper relents and moves back to show that familiar loser kid. ]

Hi, I am looking for a really good person to be a best friend for my good friend, orange Dave! He's an asshole but he's pretty nice, and he has lots of friends like me and Rose and Jade, but one of his bestest friends died a long time ago, and it is really hard to be good enough. So I am taking applications for a new best friend for him. Rose and Jade don't have to apply, but you can if you want! And the rest of you can go meet him yourself later, but he's really nice.

[ And it switches to text. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

What? No. This is. Not my body.

Oh! Oh, okay. I understand completely.

[ slow elaborate wink JOHN WHAT DID YOU EVEN GET ]

[color Wheatley SUPER CONFUSED...]

Oh! Good. I'm glad you do. Wouldn't believe how many people just don't get it.

So you can peel back your face now.

[UHHHHHH]

Sorry, what?

You can peel back your face and show your roboty face! You know, the one with the kick ass lasers.

Oh, wait, you don't have lasers. Umm... kick ass neurotoxin eyes?

Well, I would, if. If I had a robot face. But, um, even when I was in my proper body I didn't have what you would call. A face.

Oh...

So you're just human here? Wow, I guess that's... cool too. [ john please stop being so obvious ]

No! It's not cool. Not cool at all, actually. It's...it's pretty much the worst.

I'm not sure if you know this, since it's not really a secret but maybe it's not really obvious, but I'm human?

It's okay. I think I'd recommend it.

Yeah, I can imagine it's fine if that's what you're used to, but...

This really is quite a difference. For me.

Are you used to peeing oil?

...Nnnoo. Not really any...liquid involved. When it came to my old body.

Oh.

I guess I should tell you, but when you're a human, you have to pee!

I have figured that out, yes.

But let Dave know when you do.

If you have to leave to go to the bathroom and he's talking to you, just say you're going to pick your nose and eat your burgers!

This has been...incredibly informative.