ataraxion | [video] 002; What the hell kind of devil bird chirps at night?

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[video] 002; What the hell kind of devil bird chirps at night?

[ The video starts, with the above slammed into the screen. And then, the paper relents and moves back to show that familiar loser kid. ]

Hi, I am looking for a really good person to be a best friend for my good friend, orange Dave! He's an asshole but he's pretty nice, and he has lots of friends like me and Rose and Jade, but one of his bestest friends died a long time ago, and it is really hard to be good enough. So I am taking applications for a new best friend for him. Rose and Jade don't have to apply, but you can if you want! And the rest of you can go meet him yourself later, but he's really nice.

[ And it switches to text. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

i know you mean to be very encouraging, snapper, but that isn't what i meant...
for one thing, i am just a friend!
i might not be a leader, and that's ok with me.

for another thing, i will never let my friends get hurt while i am there.
rose is keeping her eye.
jade won't have acid burns.
dave is going to walk as much as he wants.
i'm not going to make any dumbass excuse for letting any of my friends get hurt.
other john might be a leader and that's cool!
but my first priority will always be to keep my friends safe, so don't make me into him, because i'm not letting my friends turn into them.

that isnt what i meant either
fucking hell i almost forgot about how annoying you can be

alright kid shut up for a second and listen here
keeping people safe is exactly what im talking about here
doesnt matter if youre a fucking leader or not
you can be a goddamn ballerina for all i care
just figure out what youre gonna do and stick to it
stop thinking about what other people are or what other yous are
think about yourself and what YOURE gonna do about this shit

so how are you planning on keeping that promise
what are you gonna do to make sure they never get hurt
we still dont know much about this place
seems safe now but anything could happen
could be worse than a bullshit torture station

and i don't think you're listening to me!
i'm sorry if you think i'm comparing myself to other johns!
but i don't care if there are other ones, if they're alive or dead!
i don't care if dave misses dead john or there are an infinite number of other johns out there doing all the cool stuff!
YOU'RE missing them, not me!
when you know me better, maybe i'll let you know then about all my super secret plans.
but right now, you're acting really shitty to me because you have all these ideas that i don't like myself or that i don't think i'm great enough, or that i'd let any of that get in my way, or that i don't know what the fuck i'm doing.
i don't even know what being a god means, and i don't even know if i'm YOUR god, but i'm only going to tell this to you once, because you're not getting a second chance.
you don't have the right to talk down to me.
you talk to me like a FRIEND.
and only that.

im not talking down to you you fucking moron

fine
forget it
believe whatever the fuck you want i dont care

i think you do care.
but this is only the second time i have ever talked to you.
you are not dave or jade or rose.
i really want to be friends with you!
but your first joke was a really bad joke.

well maybe im just shit at jokes

if you havent even figured that much out then maybe its not worth it

we're just having a fight.
that doesn't mean it's the end of our friendship or anything.
i can't really speak for you, but i think it's worth it.

[aaaand he switches to video suddenly, because WOW this is an awesome plan!

that is an angry growling dogface on the video, yes. the jig is up.]

So do you think this is fucking worth it?!

I'm not dealing with this bullshit anymore, so give me a fucking answer already! Do you hate my fucking guts or not?

... Who are you?

Oh for the love of-- you know who I am, dumbfuck! Stop trying to pull my fucking leg!

Wow, hi, sorry that I'm upset!

So just tell me who you are, and don't give me any shit about it.

Are you for fucking real?

[HEAD IN HANDS john why]

Can you seriously get stabbed through the gut by a guy twice and still forget his fucking face? It's Jack Noir!

You killed him, and now you are here talking to me, and you pretended to be my friend, and I'm getting really upset so if this is a joke, I'm going to let you explain because the real Jack Noir wouldn't just be sitting there over a stupid little phone!

I wasn't-- [pretending. fuck. His ears are starting to droop a little.]

What the hell do you want me to do, come over there?! I'm not looking for a fight, kid, and I didn't mean to piss you off. I just... I can't lie to you like this.

If you hate me, fine. You've got every right to. Just don't fucking string me along like we can still be friends.

Wow, yeah, because I was stringing you along! Holy shit, I'm a terrible person! The only thing I can do worse is kill some guardians, maybe that'll make myself feel a lot better!

Did you find it really funny when I was nice to you? That's just really sick. It's sick and it sucks ass, and I don't understand what you're doing!

[aaaaand now they're all the way down

(bad dog worst friend)]

... Yeah, alright. I get it.

I won't bother you again.

No.

That's not how it works, Jack Noir. Because Jade said that you wouldn't hurt anyone and I need to know that for sure.

And because I want to know why you killed him.

You'll know for sure when people don't turn up dead. I don't know what the fuck else you expect me to do.

I want you to explain yourself! What did you plan to get out of fooling me and gaining my trust?

I just wanted to talk.

Sorry.

Then talk.

Why did you kill him?

... We were enemies. He would've gotten in the way of my plans. But those aren't my plans anymore.

What are your plans now?

I don't even get your plan back then, so you better be clear about now.

I wanted to win the game and rule Derse. That meant stopping you kids from getting in my way, as well as any of your allies. If I just let you all live, you would've come after me anyway. I was trying to be efficient.

I don't care about that shit anymore. I can't go back. Even if I could, I wouldn't want to. I've got people I need to look out for, people who actually give a shit if I live or die. I'm not gonna trade that for some shitty kingdom that doesn't even like me.

I guess I really don't know what to say. Because Jade says you won't kill anymore and Dave told me not to trust you and it's really hard and it's really confusing.

So I guess if you're not going to kill me right now, I can ask what you want me to do? Because my head really hurts and I'm mad and tired now.

[video] 002; What the hell kind of devil bird chirps at night?

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