(voice ; o1.)

[carbonite]

Uh, this is Stormtrooper ... zero, fifty, zero, omega (that works, he supposes) we have a situation here, requesting backup. We have a wookie on the loose, I repeat, we have a wookie on the loose. Warning, warning, warning, warning he's loose in sectors four, five and seven. Probably.

Possibly.

We aren't sure, but that's why I'm requesting backup because how am I supposed to scout this entire facility for him?

(there's the sound of a laser shooting something) Also, cancel that reactor leak. I think I fixed it. Uhm, you never answered how you were doing?

Comments

video|

[firstofficer]

Wookie?

video|

[carbonite]

Yeah, a wookie. (said the most judgmental stormtrooper.)

text.

[incubo]

[ what the shit is this. ]

i dont think you are where you think you are

the fuck is a wookie btw

permavoice.

[carbonite]

You're telling me that you haven't seen an eight foot furball walking around here?

[enforced]

I haven't seen a single wookie.

Don't fire!

[carbonite]

Too late, something uh, was fizzling. Or something.

not here; 1/2

[fraud]

[ ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod

IT'S HAN SOLO

oh my god he's so excited--

WAIT ]

not here; 2/3 actually................

[fraud]

[ wait wait wait he has unfortunate luck with this kind of thing so maybe he should sit down and think and maybe not even reply to this, y'know? it could be a repeat of ... every other encounter he's had with pop culture legends and YOU KNOW WHAT IF OBI-WAN SHOWS UP AGAIN AND THINGS GET ALL WEIRD AGAIN AND--

really he should just not reply.

that would be the smart thing to do.

it would be the right thing to do, in fact. ]

VIDEO! aka 3/4 OH NO

[fraud]

[ FUCK IT, IT'S HAN SOLO.

have a really excited looking expression. ]

Oh my god.

OKAY I'M DONE 4/4

[fraud]

[ wait that's super creepy, oops. BRINGING IT DOWN A NOTCH. ]

Uhm, right. You're new here, aren't... you...

[ yes you are. ]

video;

[puppydogeyes]

What the fuck? This isn't a facility and we don't have sectors.

[Because how is she meant to know where he is rattling that stuff off.]

video;

[chromosomes]

Maybe he's high.

[ Helpful Reaper is helpful. ]

You want me down there?

voice;

[justamobster]

"Wookie." Sounds like some kinda insult, yeah?

voice;

[carbonite]

Whoa, why don't we keep the racism to ourselves yeah buddy?

[darkforce]

There aren't any wookies here.

[come on now, han. way to show up their galaxy]

[carbonite]

I'm beginning to guess.

[ghostthatlingers]

Is wookie another word for nine foot tall cockroach? Because we already have someone looking for that.

[carbonite]

Whatever a cockroach is, except with fur.

video;

[onsilksheets]

Someone's going to get in trouble.

[ie. you. She's amused by all the reactions he was getting.]

permavoice.

[carbonite]

I can't seem to escape it, can I?

video;

[suddenlycaptain]

If you keep shooting things, I'm locking you out of the shuttle bay.

[ She's just saying. ]

permavoice.

[carbonite]

I'm not shooting you.

voice;

[leaps]

[ what. ]

What are you talking about?

voice;

[carbonite]

What do you mean what am I talking about?

[dirtyword]

[ OH MY GOD WOOKIE?! WOOKIE

THERE'S ANOTHER JEDI

No, wait a Stormtrooper. But the voice sounds so familiar....

Think, Brendan. Think. Who the fuck is that. ]

Stormtrooper, huh? Workin' for Vader?

[entrapments]

Hey Brendan, Doctor Jones is here to save the day.

[not here]

[onlysaneone]

[ There is a 16-year-old rolling his eyes at you, Han.

Somewhere.

Somewhere a teenage boy thinks you're being ridiculous. ]

video

[dashhole]

....Are you freakin' high?

permavoice.

[carbonite]

Trust me kid, it would make all of this so much easier.

permavid;

[tirade]

[ wookie, stormtrooper — all of the terms sound naggingly familiar. eh, whatever. ]

Probably. Possibly. [ juuust gonna reiterate that part in a deadpan voice. ] Pretty sure we would have noticed a huge furry alien clobbering people with their own arms by now. [ .... ] Maybe. It's a big ship.

— Anyway, if there's not any shrieking damsels in distress murdering your eardrums? I'm gonna go ahead and guess that there's no Wookie rampaging through the ship.

permavoice.

[carbonite]

You'd think, but people seem to not have noticed him. But, try and look a little harder would you? It's sort of hard to miss him.

[no reply]

[sugarbear]

[ Casey stays long enough to make sure Mike Ross is behaving himself, but he doesn't actually reply, just hovers with implicit threat.

Mostly he's just star struck, but how do you even start talking to your childhood hero, Han Solo? ]

[cons]

[ okay this conversation is 1000% funnier now.

also Wichita's been just sort of staring at this transmission for an hour or two before thinking of anything to say ]

You know, that would have been more convincing if you skipped out on the 'probably's and 'possibly's.

Otherwise? Nailed it.

[ WICHITA SHUT UP ]

[carbonite]

Oh, great. I'll remember that for my repeat performance.

not here!

[intersection]

[ This is Chuck having a legitimate heart attack. No. Really. Totally legitimate. Chuck's pretty sure that he's chewing on his heart right now because holy shit.

HOLY SHIT.

He's not here right now, please leave a message after the beep. ]

[voice]

[doggedly]

Excuse me, sir, can I ask a question, sir? What do we get if we find him, sir?

[voice]

[carbonite]

(that's more like it.) You tell him to come find me.