[ oh hello, giant creepy spaceship. have a shiny, shiny smile directed your way. said shiny smile is attached to a freakishly put together looking gentleman. dapper, one might call him. ]

So... space, huh? [ neal adjusts his cuffs-- he's wearing a suit (a real suit: classic, 50's style devore, for any suit buffs) because fuck that jumpsuit crap right in the ear-- fussily, smile dropping wattage just a tiny bit. ] Does anyone want to catch me up a little more on that, out of curiosity? Because I have to admit, other than the bits and pieces I caught wandering around the first day I have no idea what's going on.

Anyway, come on. Help a new guy out, anybody? [ smile ratcheting up another few notches. aaaaaand HOLY CHARM BATMAN. doesn't everyone watching just want to drop everything and help? (yes. your answer is yes.) ] I'll owe you one.

[You know what this ship needs? A healthy dose of skepticisism. And denial. Simon doesn't know which is freakier, the goo couch with the liquid, the fact that he’d been naked when he woke up, or the fact that this whole shindig looks like it came out of some retro sci-fi space ship move set.

And what was this jumpsuit man, seriously. At least he'd gotten his phone back.]

Space? Are you fucking kidding me?

Dude, I have seen some dedicated space freaks in my time but what the fuck is this? Do you seriously have holo projectors on every wall or something to make it look all freaky futuristic?

[He’s looking around still, knocking on a wall just to see if it gives off the plasma rainbows that holoscreens tend to give off if poked.]

Look, man. I dunno what you're selling, but I'm not buying, And Kable's not for sale.

[Sadly, waking up in a grav couch completely naked and stumbling out of it to find that he's trapped on a massive spaceship with an additional communicator with strangers is not at all outside the realm of possibility for him....as a video game. The tattoo's very realistic an all, a nice touch, but he's not buying it. He's the player, not the playee, you dig? And if this is some fangirl or-boy out to get his I-Con, that ain't going to fly either.]

[[ooc; Running off to work in a few, will be back to tag 9pm EST!]]

[Hello there, spaceship in space. Enjoying the post-jump relaxation? Not anymore your not, with what sounds like a gruff man freaking out over the comms.]

I shouldn’t be here. I- thought I was done with this place. Shit.

[He switches his tone a little, trying to at least a little professional.]

Attention any CEC employees, this is Engineer Isaac Clarke. Respond!

[A pause, then-]

...Respond, dammit!

[ He sighs.] Great, just what I needed, to be stuck on the Ishimura all over again... well, I haven’t at least seen any of them, so maybe this isn’t as bad as I thought.

...Or maybe I’ll just jinx it, likely the latter. Best not be too careful.

[He cuts the feed after that.]

[oh, look. it's this asshole again. this is probably going to be A Regular Thing.

(sorry, tranquility.)]

Okay, so I'm assuming the new people here have noticed the lift system, right? Problem is, the lifts are color-coded, but not labeled, which is kind of an issue in a place without maps.

… actually, someone offered to go label all the lifts last time this got posted, but in the meantime I'm just going to assume he didn't finish yet and post this again anyway. ( oh look it's a cut )

I don't want to give you a pointless safety lecture, since I'm pretty sure everyone's going exploring regardless, but we haven't had anyone call the network in a panic 'cause they've gotten lost yet. Try not to be the first.

… and if anybody finds a new lift, let us know. There might be another needlessly creepy anonymous message on it.

listen up kiddos got one important thing to ask
the sheer amount of importance will blow your mind so make sure youre sitting down
seatbelt on and everything and dont miss the chair either
youll be shit out of luck if you miss so get it right the first time
once youre done marveling of whatever i could be asking for ill just get it out
does anyone know where a guy can get his hands on a shitty sword
any sword is fine though
shitty is a preference
and for a bonus ill even go as to show you a magic trick
also one other thing

[and the function switches to video, to which you will be seeing someone chances you may already know. except for the fact he has a neck full of feather ruff and two orange wings folded behind him.]

Just so everyone has the lowdown I may look like someone familiar and long story short I'm him and he's me, I got four months ahead though so yeah future self and shenanigans all in one. So you don't find yourself confused and disorientated on space drugs he's red Dave, alpha Dave, just Dave. Number one coolkid. I'm orange Dave, Dave with the bird parts, but you can just call me Davesprite.

Just putting it out there so you don't go and say shit like I didn't tell you so.

[The video comes on to show... well. It’s hard to see just yet with how Japan keeps shifting. But he eventually straightens himself and angles the communicator towards himself and Netherlands, who are squashed together awkwardly on a couch, Netherlands obviously attempting to stay perfectly still as he smokes. Japan gives Netherlands a certain sort of look (probably meaning to express “It’s on!”) before addressing the camera again.]

Ah, hello to those who are seeing this. I am Japan. [He even gives a little bow of his head to the camera before looking to Holland with clear expectation.]

[Netherlands, for his part, barely inclines his head - that’s all he’s willing to do at the moment.]

...Hm. [Japan seems to realize this with a sort of troubled face and just faces the camera again.] And this is Holland-san.

[Netherlands abruptly straightens up at that, throwing over a flustered glance as he huffs.]

Introductions are only polite... [Another look from Japan, this one almost scolding.]

[A low mumble that’s lost to anyone other than Japan, and he relents.] Yeah. I’m the Netherlands. [That’s really all he wants to say.]

Ah, so, forgive me if this message is rather unorganized, as we are still doing our best to find a way to deal with such a thing, but it seems that this sort of situation is--

We wanna know what the hell is goin’ on, here.

[Japan visibly stiffens at that, whirling his head to stare at Holland. How blunt... He’s obviously a bit... offended.]

[Netherlands shoots him a small look out of the corner of his eye - what?]

I suppose if it must be put in such a way... [He glances away from Holland with an exaggerated sigh.] Yes, we would like to know such a thing.

An’ if there are ashtrays here.

...Thank you in advance. [Japan’s looking just plain flustered by now, but he shuts off the feed to end that.]

[ The video opens on the scowling visage of a young man with disheveled, very vibrant orange hair. It’s slightly off-center, and at an upward slanted angle that suggests the comm device is being held in his lap. For a moment, all he does is stare at it. And scowl. The longer he does it, the deeper and more frustrated the scowl becomes before he mutters under his breath. ]

This’s so stupid.

[ He clears his throat and speaks again, this time at a normal volume. His voice is flat, with just the faintest hint of irritation. ]

My name is Kurosaki Ichigo. I arrived three- no, four days ago.

[ He pauses briefly, as though he isn’t sure how to continue. Or maybe he knows and he’s simply trying to choose his words with care. Whatever the case, he works it out quickly enough that his hesitation isn’t particularly noticeable. ]

There’s no way to get in touch with the people back home, right? Or… [ A sigh. ] Does anyone know why we’re here? Or what we’re supposed to do?

[Hello, Tranquility! I hope you enjoy pleasant AI-turned-human conversation, because that's what you're getting.]

Hello, Tranquility. My name is HAL 9000, and I am a former Artificial Intelligence who was given a human body as of the last jump. I am aware of there being a few others in a similar situation as me, but I thought it would be appropriate to extend a greeting to anyone who is new to the ship and this situation. If you have recently found yourself in a humanoid body where before you were a robot, an animal, or a computer, please do not be alarmed. You are not alone on this ship or in this situation.

[He considers something for a moment before continuing.] Dr. John Watson had been helping those of us who were transplanted into humanoid bodies before this most recent jump, and assuming he is still willing to counsel non-humanoid persons, I think it would be a good idea to speak with him.

Though I am by no means accustomed to this body yet, I will also gladly help wherever I can, if anyone finds themselves in need of assistance.

[Pause. Another smile.] Thank you for your time.

[When the video starts, it's of a man with tan skin and long hair. Some of it is in dreadlocks, some of it is in braids. He's wearing a black leather tricorn hat above a red bandanna. He's got beads and trinkets in his hair, and he's dressed in full pirate garb. That jumpsuit was weird, why would he wear that when he's got his clothes?]

[He's also upside down. Jack, how did you get on the ceiling, that's not--Oh, wait, no. He's just holding the cell phone upside down. How do I technology?]

Right.

So, I'm t' believe that I'm on some sort of...

[He pauses for a moment, and the video flails around for a minute. Jack is gesturing with his hands and doesn't realize that some viewers may become motion sick. He finally finds the word he was looking for, and the video stops and you've got a lovely video of the wall. Isn't it beautiful?]

...ship. In the sky. Above the Earth. Floatin' in space.

...The Locker made a lot more sense the first time around. This is just... odd.



[Fourth walling is encouraged!]

[WHOS THIS DOUCHEB no who is this charming gentleman

Wily's well-groomed and wearing his best three piece grey suit THANK GOD that came with him in his locker yes. He's smiling serenely at the camera]

Well, well, well. Hello there! It's probably about time I did the whole introducing myself formally 'round these parts, isn't it?

Doctor Albert Wily, at your service. [jaunty bow]

Right, so, I've already gathered that we're in space on some sort of hyperadvanced non-euclidian space ship headed for god-knows-where with a bunch of people pulled from various alternate universes. No need to explain that part. I've also already gathered the whole "No, you can't go home" though I've heard some vague thing about how if this boat gets where it's going we'll be allowed to go home.

Forgive me if I'm a bit skeptical about that part. And even if it's true, I'm hardly patient, and I imagine most of you aren't either. So... I suppose my first question is, have any of you made a concerted effort to start figuring out how this bucket of bolts works, and if so, how might an enterprising engineer like myself go about doing the same?

Right, second question is who is in charge of this boat? I keep hearing about captain and crew and so on, but I've yet to see them posting around. Granted, you're all a chatty bunch, and it's hard to keep up with Wonder if I could program a simple content aggregator to filter relevant posts... hmm so I may have missed it.

Anyway.

Third question: what sort of music do you listen to, and can any of you play insturments or sing? Very important. It's far too quiet 'round these parts.

Thank you, and have a wonderful day.