001 [VIDEO]

[testgasm]

[GREETINGS, NETWORK. Some loser's got his coke-bottle lenses way too close to the camera. Back up, bro, you're fogging the screen, and that is gross.

Turns out he's just trying to make the device stay upright. After a few moments, success! Wheatley (who looks extremely nervous) takes a step away, hovering over the communicator as if he expects it to fall, like it did the past seventeen times.

He is not wearing any clothes.]

Hello! If anyone is there and I'm not just--not just talking to this little black box, which, by the way, could stand to be a little clearer in the "what does this button do" department...

Not that I had any trouble figuring it out. Fiddled around for a bit, and boom, there we go, video feed on. Not a problem. But, you know. Instructions. Just in case anyone's a little...technologically impaired. Couldn't hurt.

[Wait. Where was he?]

Right! Uh…show of hands, if you would, seeing as we've all got hands now. Who's an AI? That's Artificial Intelligence for the aforementioned technologically impaired. Robots count too, I am also a robot.

And--and I know what you humans are thinking; Wheatley, you're not a robot, you're squishy and inefficient just like the rest of us but that, humans, is where you're wrong. One hundred percent robot, right here, just as soon as I get my body back.

Point is, if you see someone in an orange jumpsuit or...or a lab coat, maybe hear them talking about Science or Apertures, or some combination of the two…go ahead and let them know that Wheatley's looking for them and also that...it is important.

[A small pause as he fidgets, suddenly looking that much more uncomfortable.]

Actually. Don't tell them that. Tell me, instead! If--if you meet anyone with that description and. I will go. Find them.

Comments

[statsraaden]

I might fit what you're looking for. I'm a tall ship, and there's a chance my species might be artificial.

[testgasm]

What, like...like a yacht, or something? Like a...an actual boat?

That's ridiculous, mate.

[Rude, Wheatley.]

[statsraaden]

Yes, I was. A three-masted barque, to be more precise.

video

[memorymodus.livejournal.com]

[ The feed turns on
and a portal gun is shown ]

Hi Wheatley! I haven't seen Chell anywhere, but I'll let you know, okay?

[testgasm]

[WHAT. WHAT. Hold the phone.]

Where did you get that?

[memorymodus.livejournal.com]

A friend made it for me! It's mine.

[ and you won't be getting it back, Aperture Science. ]

I guess you don't remember me, huh? You were at the same place I was, for awhile...

video

[babbletechno.livejournal.com]

I am Cybertronian. My designation is Heatwave.

Has your comm been giving you trouble? Its user interface could stand to be a little clearer. [He guesses. He cheated when figuring out how to work it, so he shouldn't apply his ease to other people.]

[testgasm]

Cybertronian. Cybertronian...

[Yeah, just give it a second.]

Nope. Never heard of you.

Trouble? Uh...no. Got it working, haven't I? Just sort of looking out for the rest of them, what with their...inferior human processing capabilities. Tragic, really.

[babbletechno.livejournal.com]

Cybertronian. Robotic organism from the planet Cybertron. I assume that counts.

What were you an AI of?

[video]

[thats-asbestos.livejournal.com]

You're not some kind of spy for Black Mesa, are you?

[testgasm]

Black--Black Mesa!? That sorry excuse for a research facility!? You think I'm--

[Wait.]

Oh God.

[thats-asbestos.livejournal.com]

Alright, good, so long as we're on the same page here. What's all this about Apertures and Science that you know?

[hauntedbymemory.livejournal.com]

Does being artificially created count?

[testgasm]

Mostly looking for computers, actually, but, uh...perhaps if you could elaborate?

[hauntedbymemory.livejournal.com]

Exactly as it sounds like. I am - or was, I'm not sure which it is now - a genetic experiment on immortality that was artificially created by a scientist as his greatest achievement.

[Video]

[whatanovelty.livejournal.com]

Are cyborgs invited to the party?

[testgasm]

Wh--

How come you got to stay a robot?

[Video]

[cutthelines.livejournal.com]

You would do well to dress in something, yourself.

[WORLD'S BIGGEST HYPOCRITE.]

[testgasm]

Yyeaaah, see. About these jumpsuits.

[I got in a fight with mine and lost.]

Don't actually...like them. Sort of pointless, really.

[video]

[functioningperfectly]

[Hal is smiling rather pleasantly, though his eyebrow is doing a slight upwards motion.]

If I might interject, I think it may be best if you were to try wearing something when you use the video function of the communicators...

[testgasm]

[...and Wheatley just looks mildly bewildered.]

Yeah, tried the jumpsuit. Didn't quite...work...

Probably something wrong with it.

[bipolar-bride.livejournal.com]

[Have a blonde woman that is breaking her lineface for a vastly unimpressed look]

You are being naked, most importantly... [bro, she don't care. she just rather not see your newly acquired dangly bits]

[testgasm]

Not naked, actually. Got this on.

[Aaaaand he takes a step back, nearly tripping over himself in the process. Did you say you wanted an eyeful of pasty ginger nerd? No? TOO BAD. He is, at least, wearing those standard issue boxers.]

Ta-daaaah.

audio;

[soulbonder]

You're rather fidgety for a robot.

[testgasm]

And you're rather, um. Rude. Seriously, is that what you say when you meet people?