001 [VIDEO]

[testgasm]

[GREETINGS, NETWORK. Some loser's got his coke-bottle lenses way too close to the camera. Back up, bro, you're fogging the screen, and that is gross.

Turns out he's just trying to make the device stay upright. After a few moments, success! Wheatley (who looks extremely nervous) takes a step away, hovering over the communicator as if he expects it to fall, like it did the past seventeen times.

He is not wearing any clothes.]

Hello! If anyone is there and I'm not just--not just talking to this little black box, which, by the way, could stand to be a little clearer in the "what does this button do" department...

Not that I had any trouble figuring it out. Fiddled around for a bit, and boom, there we go, video feed on. Not a problem. But, you know. Instructions. Just in case anyone's a little...technologically impaired. Couldn't hurt.

[Wait. Where was he?]

Right! Uh…show of hands, if you would, seeing as we've all got hands now. Who's an AI? That's Artificial Intelligence for the aforementioned technologically impaired. Robots count too, I am also a robot.

And--and I know what you humans are thinking; Wheatley, you're not a robot, you're squishy and inefficient just like the rest of us but that, humans, is where you're wrong. One hundred percent robot, right here, just as soon as I get my body back.

Point is, if you see someone in an orange jumpsuit or...or a lab coat, maybe hear them talking about Science or Apertures, or some combination of the two…go ahead and let them know that Wheatley's looking for them and also that...it is important.

[A small pause as he fidgets, suddenly looking that much more uncomfortable.]

Actually. Don't tell them that. Tell me, instead! If--if you meet anyone with that description and. I will go. Find them.

Comments

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

_{[ ... ]}

Hey.

Where did Belarus go?

[testgasm]

Not...entirely sure. Maybe you scared her off.

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

As if I could scare her off, man. That woman is like fucking steel, dude. She's hella tough and so is Hungary; not any tougher than I am though, don't be ridic.

She's probably out just killing a harmless animal to unleash her rage and tearing holes in the nearest wall with her nails. For reals, its like a woman constantly on menopause; hella insane.

I COULDN'T HELP IT. TEXT.

[bipolar-bride.livejournal.com]

[there's a flicker of text out of nowhere-- bitch got skills in knowing when she's being talked about]

TEXT; hnghh

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

Maso.

[bipolar-bride.livejournal.com]

8)

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

[bipolar-bride.livejournal.com]

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

video guess who still cannot type

[testgasm]

Is--is everything okay? I mean...nobody's killing each other?

video;

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

H--haaaahha. Don't worry about it, brah.
She's just being cold, is all.

Seems to be a common thing in that part of the country.

Re: video;

[testgasm]

Are you--are you sure? Because that sounded, ah. Somewhat unpleasant.

video;

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

Yeaaaaaahhhh. She'll get over herself. Maybe. Possibly. I don't know. Who cares.

ONTO YOU. You're a robot?

video;

[testgasm]

If you say so, mate. I was just--well, she's got a knife, apparently. That's not the kind of person I'd want to go about...making angry.

Uh, yes! Yes I am.

[bipolar-bride.livejournal.com]

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

[bipolar-bride.livejournal.com]

[which she is very tempted to do]

[starstripedhero.livejournal.com]

[bipolar-bride.livejournal.com]