Hi, I'm Annie Sawyer with-

Well, not with anyone, really, I just was hoping that someone could just, if you could, if you have a bit of extra rope, and maybe something heavy that you're not using, I would be very happy to take it off your hands.

And also, be careful, of course.

Mostly, please be careful.

Oh, also, does anyone know, if we lose powers, do doors still lock?

Ship - Tranquility - I have a bit of a crisis-

So I need everyone to stop a moment and think very hard, and I mean incredibly hard, about this, because forget the bloody temperature and the mess with all that and everything else because, well.

...I've run out of tea.

Proper tea, not the space tea that tastes like the stuff you get from the blank boxes that they sell at the Co-op. Or worse, the off-stuff from Tescos.

Does anyone have real tea?

Annie -

[That’s George. That’s George, stinking drunk, gargling his friend’s name.]

Mitchell and I were, were talking, and we agreed that you really...spend too much time with -- with werewolf cultists. Cultists in general, really. It’s -- it’s quite bad. And you really ought to...stop. Now, please don’t...Just hear us, hear us out --

Tell her why.

[That’s Mitchell, equally slurred--a little quieter, because he’s not as near to the device as George is, as he’s mostly slumped against George’s shoulder.]

Tell her why, so she understands--she can’t join any cults, and she can’t just be making tea for cultists, it’s-- Christ, it’s hot, why is it so hot--

Heater’s broken, I expect.

[George gives a little burp. Class act, this one.]

But -- yeah, right. It’s...There are lots of reasons you can’t join cults, Annie. First. First, you’re only joining up because you’re in a...transitional point in your, in your life. And there’s nothing -- we still -- it’s really not...good, doing that just because you want...Erm--

[Yeah, he’s trying to remember what he gleaned about cults from having read Helter Skelter like three times in college. He’s not doing a great job.]

No, it’s...They’re just bad for you, is it. Werewolf cults. They’re never good.

Like any cults are good. They’re cults. If they were good, they’d-- not be cults, they’d be-- clubs. Girl Guides. [And like they didn’t just interrupt themselves, Mitchell returns to his previous concluding thought--] It’s no good tellin’ me the heater’s broken, this is-- this is space. Meant t’ be more technologically advanced, no landlords or breaking heaters. Just smiley faces and werewolf cults.

[George isn’t so drunk he can’t engage in a bit of sarcasm.] Well, that’s the explanation, Mitchell. It’s that or we’ve flown into a sun.

That’s not-- aah, shut up, would you. Cults. Talk about cults. They’re bad for you, brainwashing, all of it-- all of what you said, before--

Right. [Right.] Annie, we’re just...We’re worried about you, because the cultists, well, they’re, they’re bad on the face of it. And the others - there are others - the...You know the ones, Sherlock Holmes and the other one, they’ve - [His voice drops.] Annie, they’re not who they say they are. I’m about certain of it. [And a bit louder.] So this is an...an intervention, proper, like they do it on Intervention.

Not tellin’ you what t’ do. Just-- like on Intervention, yeah, but with less shouting and crying. Please let’s not do any crying, or-- pol… [Poltergeisting, but he loses momentum on the word about 25% of the way through.]

Pol-- [Oh, good, George has caught on and he’s here to help, and he is quite cognizant of the possibility of people hacking into this very private message, so he’s got a quick resolution to the word.] Pol...o matches. In the...the garden. Which is, which is how we-- we-- usually...work out...issues. [There. You’re welcome, Mitchell.]

Polo matches. [Even pissed, Mitchell can sound less-than-impressed with that. Wow, so cool. Polo matches.] Give me another beer, would you, I’m not going t’ discuss polo matches without more to drink.

All right-- [And the crack and hiss of a bottle of beer being opened, and he passes it to Mitchell. But yeah. Yeah. If anyone hacks this private message to Annie, their butts are covered.] Anyway. Annie. It’s...we’re...we’re doing this out of, of care. And worry. And...all that. Just...we are begging you, stop -- with the cults. No more cults. New house rule. No cults, no cultists. For anyone. I will not, not -- not be involved, and Mitchell won’t, and we can get Nina to sign off, too, I’m sure -- no more cults. Or we’ll, we’ll…

[Right, there are always consequences on Intervention if they don’t agree to cut out their bad behavior-- ]

No more cults, or we confiscate space Titanic. [This is serious. Serious consequences and serious threats.]

Right. [Good one.] And no more of the, the...hands-on-head thing. No more of that. So...Yeah. That’s - those are - that’s -- this is the, the trade.

[And that’s it. That’s the intervention.]





[Blue is George, red is Mitchell.]