Title: The Long Reacharound of Justice
Pairings: Miles Edgeworth/Justice, Carver Hawke/Anders (background)
Rating: They don't fuck like right out in the open (NO KIDS ALLOWED)
Summary: Miles Edgeworth can't resist the call of Justice...
Author: Mockingbird

( the halls were filled with the sound of sexual tension )

[locked to jesse, syg, and mouse | not anon | text]

LMAO buds look at this edgey has a boyfriend

[This all is why Libby should never be bored and drunk at the same time.]

[Hey sup Tranquility IT'S WHEATLEY TIME. And if you don't know what that entails, YOU ARE ABOUT TO FIND OUT. Spoiler alert: it's a lot of petulant British whining.]

Yes, right, hello, sort of been a while, hasn't it? Two things. Well, three, I suppose, if you want to get technical.

One. I am...okay, I'll be honest, I'm in the market for a weapon. And a haircut. Either/or, really. I suppose the weapon is--is the more pressing issue, because, well, obviously we've got a monster problem on board. I saw the science department; you can't convince me there aren't other...abominations of that nature hiding away on this ship, and I'd rather not experience another situation where it's me, and no weapon, versus a bunch of vicious animals out for my blood. Sure, it's all well and good if the powers that be dump an entire arsenal in your locker, but some of us didn't have arsenals back home. Some of us had flashlights, which, for the record, I was not allowed to keep.

The haircut is...slightly less pressing, but I do think I need to look into it. I was under the impression that it would quit growing eventually, you know, reach a maximum length and then stop, but we're going on…what? Eight months? And that does--that does not seem to be the case. If it hurts, someone might want to let me know, and we'll just forget it, but honestly, I will never understand how any of you deal with all these pointless functions. Ridiculous.

I don't exactly have a lot to offer but I would...very much like to work something out, if possible. We can--we can negotiate.

Have I mentioned how hard it is to participate in our little established barter system when you don't have possessions? It's difficult, in case you were wondering, especially when you need weapons, or haircuts, or maybe clothing that isn't covered in buttons and zippers and laces. I mean, for god's sake, I'm starting to pawn of my furniture to get what I need around here.

Third. Mostly unrelated to points one and two, but still important. Cave Johnson, founder and CEO of Aperture Science, seems to have mysteriously vanished, as people tend to do around here. Seeing as I was his appointed personal assistant, I'll be assuming leadership of the company from here on out. All inquiries regarding Aperture activity can be directed to me. [hay GLaDOS haaaaay]

Oh, and--four things. I lied, I had four things. Ward or Resnik, when either of you have a moment--I'm sure your moments are few and far between but in the event you do feel like giving me the time of day, I've just got a question. Quick one. Won't take any time at all.

[Netherlands doesn't bother to do any introduction for this. Just, click, video feed on, and straight to the point - vaguely huffy, businesslike tone and unamused expression solidly along for the ride.]

New people, an' anyone who doesn't know how hydroponics work - don't try to plant anything in the Gardens that still has soil attached to it. It clogs up the whole row, sucks to clean it out. If y'have a plant from home, or whatever, we've got some people who can help. For free. One of 'em can even bring produce up to your floor.

[One tap and suddenly there's a list available.]

Ask them, or me. One of us will prob'ly know. Just don't go screwing up the Gardens because you weren't thinkin'.

Some of 'em didn't know a damn thing when they signed on, but they all learned quick enough - [That. Might be some sort of vague praise for the current crew, there.] - so the rest of you can, too.

We could use the help.

[And off.

Someone else should probably take over the Agriculture PSA and recruiting job in the future.]

---

[ooc: threadjacking is still my favorite thing ever, so anyone in agriculture, feel free to get involved and take over wherever]

[Annie is neat and calm, at least to start with. She brushed her hair neatly and wove two tiny braids in it that frame her face to help her get calm before they broadcasy. She's going to have a large audience and she has to be less shaken than the woman they heard on audio.]

Hello, everyone. I was talking to Nathan Petrelli about ways to help around the ship, and we came up with the idea of group meals. At least dinner and breakfast, I think. The gardens have plenty of fresh vegetables but I understand not everyone knows how to cook them. Some of the stored food is eaten less than the rest, because it's more complicated.

So I was wondering if there are other cooks aboard that might want to help. Or anyone who wants to, we can teach you. We'll also need--

[Annie checks her notes, pursing her lips.] To take a full inventory of the supplies on the occupied decks, at least, as well as the gardens, so we can plan menus accordingly.

Since I know some people will still want to eat alone, I'll need a headcount of who's interested. And if you have special dietary needs like allergies we can put you on a list for special meals.

I think--that's everything. Hi, I'm Annie Cresta.

A few items of business.

First: We need to start tracking ourselves more precisely. Two people in two months have perished because because they caught outside of the gravity couches at the time of a jump. What I propose is a simple check-in list for the jumps and someone to take roll. If anyone hasn't shown up one hour prior to the jump, then a search party can be organized. Is there any preexisting framework for such a system?

Second - [And here Edgeworth looks perhaps just a bit self-conscious - ] I'm looking for someone adept at construction. Please speak up if you have such skills and are willing to barter for labor.

[He recovers but frowns, just a bit hesitant before the next item.]

Third, a general question; bear with me if it sounds odd or intrusive, and responding to this is, as ever, completely optional. [He looks down; it's clear he's now reading off a page that he's prepared.] Respond in the affirmative or negative: "I would describe my life as 'peaceful' - id est, a life in which I have not witnessed or been subjected to violence."

[He looks up again.]

Your responses are appreciated.