ataraxion | 001

Holy fuck the wailing bullshitometer is spinning out of control. The needle is shifting out of Pony Pellets right into Budweiser Clydesdale with diarrhea. That's minus four hundred points right there.

Did you just miss your place in line at the finger factory or what, how the hell do you wake up with hands against your will? Fuck nevermind, that is a rhetorical question now, because I don't want to hear whatever the hell it is you have to say as an answer.

Age, sex, location.

Edited 2011-12-09 16:22 (UTC)

[Congratulations, Dave you have met the robot who is physically incapable of understanding the concept of a rhetorical question.]

What I mean is that I was just floating around, being in space, minding my own business, when suddenly I'm falling out of a tank, and I've got fingers. Didn't have them before. Have them now, along with a whole lot of other things I rather dislike having. Not that difficult to grasp.

Oh. Oh is that what you were asking? Should have just said so in the first place!

[There is the sound of throat clearing. This is VERY OFFICIAL.]

Uhhh...Don't actually know how old I am, might have to get back to you on that. Male, maybe in more of a physical sense, now, but that's beside the point. Aaaaaand...space. Think you're going to get the same answer across the board for that one, mate. We're all in space.

Dude do you just purposefully ignore everything that's straight up coming out of my mouth, I said don't answer. And for the record, space is a big place, bro, maybe someone who isn't a moron might have figured out where in space.

[pause]

What the hell where you before?

[Easy answer: Yes. Yes he does. There is approximately a half second of silence, and when he speaks again there is a definite edge to his voice.]

Artificial Intelligence. Very sophisticated. Most definitely not a moron.

[u mad????]

See here's the deal with Artificial Intelligence: it isn't as good as the real thing.

So you don't know how to work any of the bits? Don't worry, man, I got you. I'm pretty much an expert on the human body. Can teach you all sorts of shit about it.

[NO

...MAYBE A LITTLE]

Haha, ohhh that is...that is almost adorable. I tell you, I hear this stuff from humans all the time but it never stops being funny. Amazing, really.

Doing just fine, thanks. Figured it all out. [Had a fight with his jumpsuit and lost, took like an entire half day to learn how to stop drooling...] Except...for...the typing thing, obviously. It's a work in progress.

Who said I was human?

Seriously man, monkeys can use tools, this isn't like new shit or anything. And huh, so I guess they told you about the malignalitaloptereosis, right? And what happens when it's time for synaptic seepage?

You, uh. You didn't, actually, but, you know. Assuming, based on your apparent familiarity with fingers.

[Oh god what are those what is going to happen to him]

Uhhh. Yes. Yes I do.

Assuming makes an ass out of you and me, bro, we are in the deep together now. Could be I'm just a way smarter robot than you.

[this is payback for all that wailing earlier!!!]

Cool, so just don't forget to put all the drained fluids from your prolapses in the designated area. And if you start feeling the early symptoms just make a run for it.

Yeah, doubt it. Don't know any self-respecting robots who think humans are actually smarter, that's ridiculous.

[DAVE NO DAVE WHY]

Auuughhnngh why does everything have to involve fluids!?

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