[TEXT] 001; Who put piss in my apple juice?

[zoosmell]

oh wow, are we doing this again?
yeah, i don't have anything better than to do!
i'll just be right here in some strange place AGAIN!
bluh bluh bluh, this really sucks.
unless it's been three years?
oh, wow.
maybe i'm three years older?
i wonder why three years older me decided to get a tattoo of a number.
i don't think things are adding up...
i mean uh hello wouldn't a ghostbusters tattoo be even cooler??
oh!!!!!!!!
maybe this is like the numbers for the ghostbusters!
so now when anybody asks who're you going to call, i can just show them this number!
nice going older me.
boy, i'm really smart when i'm older!

Comments

[zoosmell]

I don't really want to look down your front, so I guess it's a month.

But you still look like a total doofus.

[scratched]

[TOTALLY NOT INSULTED YOU CALLED HIM A DOOFUS]

And with that one statement you've rendered anything I said to be totally unfucking weird in comparison to that, jesus fucking christ.

Also fuck you.

[zoosmell]

Haha! I don't think anybody could look cool in these jumpsuits.

Except maybe a certain street tough maverick with nothing to lose?

[scratched]

The fact that my shoes are connected to my pants pushes them over the edge of shit into carefully crafted ironic shit.

Which means that assclown could never pull this off.

[zoosmell]

You wish! He could pull off whatever he wants.

Also, since we're on some weird place in some weird time for some weird reason, you know what we should do?

[scratched]

A scene for scene re-enactment of the Trouble with Tribbles.

[zoosmell]

Close!

We should have a sleepover.

[scratched]

Yeah, good idea. I'll get every copy of Cosmo I can find, and we can quiz each other about our love life for hours, whack the daylights out of each other with pillows and be right on schedule for feuding at 2am and refusing to talk to each until 7am, when we tearfully forgive each other and exchange two halves of a BFF necklace.

[translation: "Sure."]

Jade's here too.

[zoosmell]

Does that mean I need three halves of a BFF necklace?

Oh! We probably need four, right? Is Rose here?

[scratched]

We can do bracelets instead.

No. Not yet, anyway. Probably managed to escape whatever the fuck they did to wrangle us in here.

[zoosmell]

Oh.

Is this a bad place?

[scratched]

Some mysterious force even the supposed captain of the great ship Tranquility is cagey about rips you from whatever the fuck you were doing, shoves you in a tub and spits you back out, then you're expected to fit right into the shoes of some ex-crew we know shit about?

[A pause.]

No. It's not bad. It's just a place.

[zoosmell]

Okay. That's good.

I don't want you and Jade to have to be in a bad place for a month without me!

[scratched]

Two Jades.

[zoosmell]

Oh, man.

That is a lot of friendship bracelets that I need to get.

[scratched]

Do you even have the capacity for this much friendship?

[zoosmell]

We're making this happen.

I will become a friendship robot, and assimilate all the friendships. Beep, boop, time to friend ALL the Jades, and some of the Daves, too. Boop.

[scratched]

Get ready to insert some serious straight up shit into your programming. Got some bitches you better avoid.

[zoosmell]

Are you talking about yourself?

Is this because I called you a doofus?

[scratched]

Do I look like a bitch to you? I'm talking about that fucker Jack. He'll try and get all up in your shit, but you gotta shut up down. Also lock your door.

[zoosmell]

You look pretty doofusy to me, Dave!

But I have a door? Wow, that is pretty cool!

[scratched]

Shut up and listen for a second, I'm not repeating this shit.

Don't let that guy's horseshit suck you in.

[zoosmell]

I guess you mean that Jack is actually here on this thing...

But don't worry, Dave. I have a plan. If he ever tries to attack you, I'll put myself in front of you because I'm immortal or something! I think it is a good plan. Also, if I ever see him, I will punch him.

Because I don't forgive him.

[scratched]

That's the worst plan I've ever. Like hell I'm letting you leap in front of me like a jackass.

If we see him, we take a swing at the same time.

[zoosmell]

I guess that's okay, but I'm still going to Bruce Willis your ass if you're in trouble.

Whether we're immortal or not.