001 ☠ text/video

[kringlefuck]

_{[ Upon arrival, the only thing he could really think about was her. Her. Where did she go? Who was she? How could he get in contact with her again? The jump and whole waking up in your underwear fiasco was enough to send him in a tizzy, but Jake's mind was still focused on one thing and one thing in particular... and that was finding her. Never mind the fact he was in a whole new scenario here and off his island he had grown up on and never even left. He felt exposed and unprepared, and one could say he was actually freaking out right now. Still disoriented from the jump, Jake seems to disregard everything else besides her. She was the very last thing he remembered, and he wasn't sure what was going on. A glimpse of her, then he wakes up here, still feeling sore from a match he had with his sparring partner where he "royally had his ass kicked." He sends out a text to anybody, anything, and makes it sound urgent. ]}

Holy cheese and crackers! Where the blue blazes is this??
Ahoy there! Respond asap!! THIS IS AN URGENT MESSAGE TO ANY PERSONS WHO ARE RECEIVING. THOSE WHO HAVE EYES AND CAN SEE AND PROPERLY READ SHOULD CONTACT!! I dont mean to alarm anybody or anything who may read this so i beg of you to not get your knickers in a right bundle at my intense message but rather correspond to my plea!
IN CASE YOU HAVENT NOTICED WEVE BEEN KIDNAPPED! HOODWINKED BAMBOOZLED AND HIJACKED INTO SOME SPIELBURGESQUE VOYAGE INTO THE UNKNOWN!! As bloody ace and invigorating as it sounds forgive my botherations here whilst i send out an SOS to locate a certain person on this spaceship..

Right so here it goes! All im needing to know right now is if shes aboard this craft! The proper cerulean spider-chick undead damsel i was having a conversation with!
Well not exactly a conversation but we exchanged a smoldering glance at one another it couldnt have happened any more romantically than how it did. A picture-esque smashing blockbuster hit. Im near certain we were meant to be together like peas and peaches.
IF YOU ARE HER I WOULD SIMPLY LIKE TO APOLOGIZE GREATLY FOR MY DUMBFOUNDED EXPRESSION AND LACK OF WORDS TO CONVEY. I am typically quite the dashing chatterbox so pardon and excuse my mess!
Phew.
*Gently withdrawals a kerchief to*
Aw jeeze louise. They took my handkerchief too. Dag nabit.
How the devilfucking dickens do you properly operate such a queer device here??

[ As odd as it is, Jake doesn't question where any of his friends are or anything else. He seems rather intent on finding whoever it is he is looking for... even more so than asking where he is and how to get back home.
He's fiddling around with the communicator, turning it on for a moment. We see the carrier appears to be tanned and in his late teens with dark hair, and his face is bruised and swollen in some areas. It especially looks like the side of his mouth is busted. It statics and goes out after he swears a bit, but that's all we see.]

Comments

[fronds]

[ that is the most confusing wall of text she's ever seen, and she's friends with karkat vantas. what do half of those words even mean? is this a human thing? also, what the hell? he has to be from the kids' universe - she has been here long enough to see that no one else uses colours and quirks - but he's... definitely not one of their four kids.

okay, feferi, let's take this one thing at a time. so many questions! ]

)(ey, are you ok? You look like you were roug)(ed up pretty badly!
Anyway, you're looking for a cerulean spider-c)(ick? )(mm...
Are you per)(aps talking about Vriska???

[kringlefuck]

_{[ A response!! A response! Great. He had seen others on this ship after the jump, but he didn't really interact with too many of them. He makes some noise of excitement to himself and pecks a response back. ]}

Thank all things holy and saint some person was able to muster up enough bollocks within their tighty trousers to give me a reply. Im eager to scout out and have within my knowledge the precise whereabouts of this spider damsel heart throbber!

Uh... im not particularly sure if her name was vriska. We only exchanged a mere glance... a glance of the purest of all loves!

I dare say im proper twitterpated beyond repair my fine gent or lady. If this indeed is the woman i am seeking out i must know her location. Perhaps a physical description would suffice for determination??

My injuries.. tis but a flesh wound!

[fronds]

S)(e would look like... Well, a troll! We )(ave grey skin and )(orns.
Vriska also )(as long )(air, wears glasses and is very spidery. )(er blood is cerulean, like you said! Maybe it IS )(er t)(at you're looking for? 38O
... Unfortunately, I don't t)(ink s)(e is on t)(e s)(ip. Sorry!

[audio] sob jake english yesss

[dirtyword]

[ Late teens, dark hair, tanned skin, heavily beaten up, talks in a peculiar vernacular...

Jake English, meet your current live-action twin, who is currently clicking the video feed to audio and responding in turn: ]

We've all been snatched, but we won't be able to heel it for a while. You can't just ankle outta space, dig?

text; ehehehee.

[kringlefuck]

_{[ WOAH IT TALKS. He actually reacts by nearly dropping it. And he hasn't really figured out how to turn the audio on, so he replies via text again. ]}

Fine and right crackerjack my old chap. I couldnt be more content drifting aimlessly amongst the void of space...
Just so i am not separated by the dame i desire i would fly to the furthest galaxy and beyond to only grasp her within my arms!

Only then i shall unsheathe my sword and give the individual responsible for this complicated tomfoolery a good session of the ole fisticuffs and teach a lesson or two.

audio

[dirtyword]

You got a doll? She here?

[insufferableprick]

[ Dude looks like Egbert, types like a golden girl. Wtf. ]

forget eyes
anyone who hasnt noticed weve been x filed is too fucking dumb to read your psa
also re queer device operation
protip dont shove it up your ass

[kringlefuck]

Well granted i havent seen such peculiar technology like this on my island but i think i can figure it out. I appreciate your advice not to shove it up my caboose but im not really that dense.
However to make things roll along more smoothly perhaps i could acquire your assistance? It would be just smashing if you could spare a moment.

Whilst you are at it have you perchance seen anybody fitting under those words of description??
Ghosty spidery blueish alien looking babe.
Best way i can put her into words.

[insufferableprick]

[ Okay, recap: dude looks like Egbert, types in green like a hipster golden girl, lives on an island. Bloodmonkey Island? Rose mentioned the players swapping... hrm. Time to trade notes with his bro or with his auto-responder, sob. Dave wants deets on this guy but doesn't want to ask the source. Secondhand info is better anyway. ]

well youve managed to change your text color which means youre way ahead of the game
or at least ahead of the ren faire people
cant see what else you could possibly need to figure out that you cant figure from button bashing
press its buttons feel out its nooks and crannies
if it starts vibrating you know youre doing it right

you mean cerulean spider chick??
im going with the majority opinion here and saying its vriska
but thats going on hearsay
sounds like youre right and properly smitten
are you into chicks with the asphyxiated look

[uncodlyawwesome]

hate to tell you buddy but im pretty sure vvris isnt evven kind a interested in you
if she wwere here shed be mockin you for flippin out like this too



an wwho the fuck are you anywway

[kringlefuck]

Do excuse me.. you know who this girl is??
I assure you the way that we looked at each other she couldnt possibly be that rude to me. In fact she gave me a smile and thats how i saw her sharp teeth.

By jove she even almost touched me but then i woke up from my sleep and found myself in a vat of gloobity gloop in nothing but my knickers like the rest.
Surely this isnt part of the venture i was going to be taking part of right?

Ive been on a mission for years so seek out the batter witch that properly flooded my friends time period and brought an all around hellish experience for mankind.

[uncodlyawwesome]

wwhat the fuck are you talkin about

no okay nevvermind i knoww youre supposed to be makin sense this is probably more time shenanigans i should be used to this by noww i guess

if she smiled at you an she didnt look like she wwas about to use those teeth to devvour your head in a bizarre an complicated crazy broad type matin ritual it might not a been vvris at all/strong>

text ;

[darkholme]

[ hhhhhhhhuuuh.... ]

are you friends with a boy named Dirk?

text;

[kringlefuck]

I have maybe perhaps shared a conversation or two with mister strider himself in the actual flesh.

*ACTUAL IN THE FLESH DIRK STRIDER.*

Ha ha.

In most cases i get his auto responder which i have been bonding with as of late. He certainly has his way with words... i can hardly tell them apart in most cases.

Theoretically best friends are supposed to talk mono on mono on a daily basis if im thinking correctly.
I mean thats how it is in the movies. I'm not sure how it precisely works in society now on the main lands.

text;

[darkholme]

you can have conversations with an auto responder?

[ BLAST. 1962 STRIKES AGAIN. she's heard of answering machines ok but they can usually only play back one message so...... ]

best friends do tend to talk in person a little, yeah. I'd say it's part of the criteria.

This entry has been Auto-Responsed. See notes in comment.

[syllogism]

[ Auto-Responder has filtered the entry away from Dirk, setting the filter to expire only after completing his conversation with Jake. Even then, he's hacked the entry to prevent Dirk from replying; if he attempts to, it will be as if all threads are frozen and prevent him from starting any new ones. ]

Well, if it isn't a certain Jake English who's come aboard the interstellar spacecraft Tranquility,
Agitating his nipples while simultaneously telling other abducted passengers not to do the same.
And then immediately following it up by publicly confessing romantic interest of the cobalt-colored kind.
I question whether these are truly the acts of a dapper gentleman that you typically claim be.

1/???

[kringlefuck]

_{[ He can not mistake that orange font anyway. Nor that way he's sort of picking on him. The only person who he can confuse that with is AR himself, which is this case. Again.
Eager, he replies to who he believes is his best friend. ]}

STRIDER.

2/??

[kringlefuck]

_{[ Of course, half of what AR replies with doesn't really go read, and he just jumps into a banter. ]}
Listen up with your ear holes mate. Ive been trying to get on contact with you to tell you that your hunk of metal machinery has royally kicked my ass. I have bruises to prove it all over myself right now.

It absolutely brilliant and they are gorgeous wounds if i can say so myself.

And although i love a rip snorting rough housing session of fisticuffs i dare say i must request some sort of downgrade. Not in a pussy way out but i find it unfair in a way. He cheats all the daggum time and that is all i am asking.

But i suppose it doesnt matter much at this point seeing as i am not anywhere near my home but rather in the vast of space. Do keep in mind that when we get home i am sending him back and you are FIXING HIM to operate in such a fashion where he loses... *JUST ONCE IN AWHILE.*

That is all i am requesting at this present time.

3/???

[kringlefuck]

And as far as this whole being trapped on a space vessel shenanigans i must protest in defense of my nipples.

My nipples are not agitated by golly. You politely take that back.
Theyre as calm and not roused at all in the best way as nipples can be. I am merely upset that i havent finished the present i was on a mission to complete for my dearest pen pal especially when i was pressured to get it done.

Heavens to betsy im never going to find uranium just lying around on this craft am i??

done.

[kringlefuck]

In any case.
Are you also on this ship somehow too or am i talking to you in SPACE.
Did i mention i was in space??
Are you also in space??

Holy shit.

What if youre in space too??
DOES THIS MEAN WE CAN ACTUALLY SEE EACH OTHER?

One thing at a time i need to ask you as well before i get overly excited here at this revelation..
Have you seen the girl i am seeking out??

[audio]

[testgasm]

Okay, look, green text, you're not going to get any answers if you don't calm down.

I haven't seen any lady-types like that, though. Sorry.

text; 1.2

[kringlefuck]

Aw nuts you havent seen her either?? This is really a problem. My george i swear on my grave i will find this girl before i meet my death bed.

Im calm as i can be!! For crying in a bucket i just got kidnapped and youre saying i should STAY CALM?? Good heavens my fine fella im trying my hardest here.

Lets see if i can figure out this audio bollocks.
Your speaking actually reminds me of that of my very own.

audio; 2.2

[kringlefuck]

_{[ Some fidgeting, and then finally Jake gets it. ]}

Hello? Ahoy? Are you there now or did I break it? Are you there?

_{[ He has an accent too and it's actually very similar to yours, Wheatley. ]}

Text

[realslimstrider]

i checked out before i even finished reading that
so heres the deets you need to know
idk where a spider chick is rather not know
and obviously youre using the device right if youre posting this
including a bit of video good job

text;

[kringlefuck]

Oh gadzooks! I got the video working there?? I hadnt even noticed that. I was too preoccupied at least getting the typing feature to work.

Good day to you! You carry the same color as one of my friends does you know.
Is there any other vital information i should be tutored about when working this device??
Also where the blazes are we heading? Who is behind all of this?