001 ☠ text/video

[kringlefuck]

_{[ Upon arrival, the only thing he could really think about was her. Her. Where did she go? Who was she? How could he get in contact with her again? The jump and whole waking up in your underwear fiasco was enough to send him in a tizzy, but Jake's mind was still focused on one thing and one thing in particular... and that was finding her. Never mind the fact he was in a whole new scenario here and off his island he had grown up on and never even left. He felt exposed and unprepared, and one could say he was actually freaking out right now. Still disoriented from the jump, Jake seems to disregard everything else besides her. She was the very last thing he remembered, and he wasn't sure what was going on. A glimpse of her, then he wakes up here, still feeling sore from a match he had with his sparring partner where he "royally had his ass kicked." He sends out a text to anybody, anything, and makes it sound urgent. ]}

Holy cheese and crackers! Where the blue blazes is this??
Ahoy there! Respond asap!! THIS IS AN URGENT MESSAGE TO ANY PERSONS WHO ARE RECEIVING. THOSE WHO HAVE EYES AND CAN SEE AND PROPERLY READ SHOULD CONTACT!! I dont mean to alarm anybody or anything who may read this so i beg of you to not get your knickers in a right bundle at my intense message but rather correspond to my plea!
IN CASE YOU HAVENT NOTICED WEVE BEEN KIDNAPPED! HOODWINKED BAMBOOZLED AND HIJACKED INTO SOME SPIELBURGESQUE VOYAGE INTO THE UNKNOWN!! As bloody ace and invigorating as it sounds forgive my botherations here whilst i send out an SOS to locate a certain person on this spaceship..

Right so here it goes! All im needing to know right now is if shes aboard this craft! The proper cerulean spider-chick undead damsel i was having a conversation with!
Well not exactly a conversation but we exchanged a smoldering glance at one another it couldnt have happened any more romantically than how it did. A picture-esque smashing blockbuster hit. Im near certain we were meant to be together like peas and peaches.
IF YOU ARE HER I WOULD SIMPLY LIKE TO APOLOGIZE GREATLY FOR MY DUMBFOUNDED EXPRESSION AND LACK OF WORDS TO CONVEY. I am typically quite the dashing chatterbox so pardon and excuse my mess!
Phew.
*Gently withdrawals a kerchief to*
Aw jeeze louise. They took my handkerchief too. Dag nabit.
How the devilfucking dickens do you properly operate such a queer device here??

[ As odd as it is, Jake doesn't question where any of his friends are or anything else. He seems rather intent on finding whoever it is he is looking for... even more so than asking where he is and how to get back home.
He's fiddling around with the communicator, turning it on for a moment. We see the carrier appears to be tanned and in his late teens with dark hair, and his face is bruised and swollen in some areas. It especially looks like the side of his mouth is busted. It statics and goes out after he swears a bit, but that's all we see.]

Comments

[fronds]

[ that is the most confusing wall of text she's ever seen, and she's friends with karkat vantas. what do half of those words even mean? is this a human thing? also, what the hell? he has to be from the kids' universe - she has been here long enough to see that no one else uses colours and quirks - but he's... definitely not one of their four kids.

okay, feferi, let's take this one thing at a time. so many questions! ]

)(ey, are you ok? You look like you were roug)(ed up pretty badly!
Anyway, you're looking for a cerulean spider-c)(ick? )(mm...
Are you per)(aps talking about Vriska???

[audio] sob jake english yesss

[dirtyword]

[ Late teens, dark hair, tanned skin, heavily beaten up, talks in a peculiar vernacular...

Jake English, meet your current live-action twin, who is currently clicking the video feed to audio and responding in turn: ]

We've all been snatched, but we won't be able to heel it for a while. You can't just ankle outta space, dig?

[insufferableprick]

[ Dude looks like Egbert, types like a golden girl. Wtf. ]

forget eyes
anyone who hasnt noticed weve been x filed is too fucking dumb to read your psa
also re queer device operation
protip dont shove it up your ass

[uncodlyawwesome]

hate to tell you buddy but im pretty sure vvris isnt evven kind a interested in you
if she wwere here shed be mockin you for flippin out like this too



an wwho the fuck are you anywway

text ;

[darkholme]

[ hhhhhhhhuuuh.... ]

are you friends with a boy named Dirk?

This entry has been Auto-Responsed. See notes in comment.

[syllogism]

[ Auto-Responder has filtered the entry away from Dirk, setting the filter to expire only after completing his conversation with Jake. Even then, he's hacked the entry to prevent Dirk from replying; if he attempts to, it will be as if all threads are frozen and prevent him from starting any new ones. ]

Well, if it isn't a certain Jake English who's come aboard the interstellar spacecraft Tranquility,
Agitating his nipples while simultaneously telling other abducted passengers not to do the same.
And then immediately following it up by publicly confessing romantic interest of the cobalt-colored kind.
I question whether these are truly the acts of a dapper gentleman that you typically claim be.

[audio]

[testgasm]

Okay, look, green text, you're not going to get any answers if you don't calm down.

I haven't seen any lady-types like that, though. Sorry.

Text

[realslimstrider]

i checked out before i even finished reading that
so heres the deets you need to know
idk where a spider chick is rather not know
and obviously youre using the device right if youre posting this
including a bit of video good job