001 ☠ text/video

[kringlefuck]

_{[ Upon arrival, the only thing he could really think about was her. Her. Where did she go? Who was she? How could he get in contact with her again? The jump and whole waking up in your underwear fiasco was enough to send him in a tizzy, but Jake's mind was still focused on one thing and one thing in particular... and that was finding her. Never mind the fact he was in a whole new scenario here and off his island he had grown up on and never even left. He felt exposed and unprepared, and one could say he was actually freaking out right now. Still disoriented from the jump, Jake seems to disregard everything else besides her. She was the very last thing he remembered, and he wasn't sure what was going on. A glimpse of her, then he wakes up here, still feeling sore from a match he had with his sparring partner where he "royally had his ass kicked." He sends out a text to anybody, anything, and makes it sound urgent. ]}

Holy cheese and crackers! Where the blue blazes is this??
Ahoy there! Respond asap!! THIS IS AN URGENT MESSAGE TO ANY PERSONS WHO ARE RECEIVING. THOSE WHO HAVE EYES AND CAN SEE AND PROPERLY READ SHOULD CONTACT!! I dont mean to alarm anybody or anything who may read this so i beg of you to not get your knickers in a right bundle at my intense message but rather correspond to my plea!
IN CASE YOU HAVENT NOTICED WEVE BEEN KIDNAPPED! HOODWINKED BAMBOOZLED AND HIJACKED INTO SOME SPIELBURGESQUE VOYAGE INTO THE UNKNOWN!! As bloody ace and invigorating as it sounds forgive my botherations here whilst i send out an SOS to locate a certain person on this spaceship..

Right so here it goes! All im needing to know right now is if shes aboard this craft! The proper cerulean spider-chick undead damsel i was having a conversation with!
Well not exactly a conversation but we exchanged a smoldering glance at one another it couldnt have happened any more romantically than how it did. A picture-esque smashing blockbuster hit. Im near certain we were meant to be together like peas and peaches.
IF YOU ARE HER I WOULD SIMPLY LIKE TO APOLOGIZE GREATLY FOR MY DUMBFOUNDED EXPRESSION AND LACK OF WORDS TO CONVEY. I am typically quite the dashing chatterbox so pardon and excuse my mess!
Phew.
*Gently withdrawals a kerchief to*
Aw jeeze louise. They took my handkerchief too. Dag nabit.
How the devilfucking dickens do you properly operate such a queer device here??

[ As odd as it is, Jake doesn't question where any of his friends are or anything else. He seems rather intent on finding whoever it is he is looking for... even more so than asking where he is and how to get back home.
He's fiddling around with the communicator, turning it on for a moment. We see the carrier appears to be tanned and in his late teens with dark hair, and his face is bruised and swollen in some areas. It especially looks like the side of his mouth is busted. It statics and goes out after he swears a bit, but that's all we see.]

Comments

[kringlefuck]

Alright man you gotta leave my nipples out of this conversation if you would be so kind!
DO YOU GET IT MAN??????? No more speaking of my nipples no matter how tempting it may be for you bro!

THERE SHALL BE NO MAMMORY MOLLIFICATION.
Good god dirk youre being awfully forward here.

I would much prefer that whatever words exchanged be not over this network... but rather in private.

Does this device have a privacy setting or something of that nature?

[syllogism]

It seems that the overstimulated state of your bosom spires enlivens multifold at the mere mention of their nature.
Given your vehement denial and marked irritation, there's an extremely high chance that your man nips demand a serious pap-shooshing.
Do your man nips demand a serious pap-shooshing, Jake?
And performing the masculine mammary mollification would likely increase your capacity to find the privacy settings as well,
But I'll have you know that there are also hackers in space, bro.

1.2

[kringlefuck]

MY BOSOM IS NOT OVER STIMULATED. I CAN TOUCH THEM RIGHT NOW AND NOTHING WOULD HAPPEN!!!!
NO PAP SHOOSHING WHATEVER THE DEVIL DICKENS THAT IS I DONT THINK I WANT TO KNOW BUT I DONT WANT IT!!!!!!!!!!!

2.2

[kringlefuck]

_{[ pause....... ]}

What do you mean by hackers????
Is somebody reading this conversation were partaking in right now??

[syllogism]

[ Auto-Responder is surprised that Jake still hasn't caught on to him. Or perhaps he isn't because Jake appears to be having a conniption in all of his excitement. Which is exactly why AR wants him to calm the hell down.

It's very telling when Jake misses three "It seems" statements, one MS Word office assistant reference, and one BS statement -percent chances +request for confirmation.

It seems that Jake's level of excitement is too great to overcome. ]

Your caps lock picket sign protest unquestionably demonstrates the extent to which your man mounds need appeasing.
I'll walk you through the perfected technique of petting those uptight suckers right back down a la massage treatment,
So sit your tight-trousered ass down and take some deep and deliberate breaths.
Using your fingers, draw careful circles on the aureola to gently tease the indignation out of those hot little dials.
I can catch you up on things once you've gotten those babies all relaxed and settled.
And for the record, of course somebody is reading the conversation that we're currently having.
These texts are the furthest that they can be from private.

text;

[kringlefuck]

_{[ That's enough. After reading that, he feels his heart sink and his stomach turn. There's a pause and he's shifting around within his room, gathering a few things needed. Any sort of implications that this is AR really has gone completely over his head... especially his odd and forward behavior.
He's getting his guns and heading out of his room. ]}

004 097 you say.
Alright wise guy. If were going to just casually engage in this conversation like its a fuckin picnic im not going to do it over the device.

I also want to rightfully pop you in the nose so you best prepare yourself because im on my way.