video ★ 004

[herocomplex]

[ Fair warning, this alien is rather foul mouthed. He only mimics what he has learned from America. ]

Fucking. Fucking. Fuck.

_{[ This is heard telepathically to all watching the video, followed by some tongue clicking as he turns the device on.
Hi Ataraxion. Have +1 grey alien leaning into the communicator and holding it a bit lopsided at first before pulling the communicator away from him and setting it on a hard surface. He crouches down so he's in the camera view again before beginning to eat form a back of chips. ]}

Ahh, fucking. It seems we have to go through this process a whole fucking lot! Mmmmm, negative feelings towards this. It would be nice to fucking go home. Working on that for all of you; that is what my bro America says.

_{[ ANOTHER POTATO CHIP IN THE MOUTH. He seems to be in America's room, but there is no America. ]}

Hmmm. There are new arrivals. I am speaking on behalf of America since he is busy at the moment. My name is Mr. Tony, or Tony-bro if you are fucking tight. We should be fucking rad together.

Mr. America requests that those NATIONS aboard this fucking ship take the time to fill out a fucking form for the next fucking world meeting he is fucking arranging and fucking text it back. This will clear up any fucking confusion in fucking advance, hmmm. Possibly prevent a fucking death threat....unlike last time. This will happen every time a fucking jump occurs.
The date for the next fucking meeting is to be announced at a later fucking time, my friends.

<b>HUMAN NAME:</b><br /><br /><b>COUNTRY NAME / REPRESENTATIVE:</b><br /><br /><b>LANGUAGE(S):</b><br /><br /><b>DO YOU HAVE A DICK OR TITS:</b><br /><br /><b>WHAT YEAR IS IT:</b><br /><br /><b>HAVE YOU EVER BEEN AFFILIATED WITH THE SOVIET UNION:</b><br /><br /><b>HAVE YOU CONSIDERED BEING APART OF THE SOVIET UNION BEFORE IT FELL:</b><br /><br /><b>DO YOU WISH THE SOVIET UNION WAS STILL TOGETHER:</b><br /><br /><b>ARE YOU A COMMUNIST:</b><br /><br /><b>IF NOT, WHAT TYPE IS YOUR GOVERNMENT:</b><br /><br /><b>DO YOU SPELL WORDS WITH A "U" IN THEM FOR NO REASON (exp: colour, harbour):</b><br /><br /><b>TEA OR COFFEE:</b><br /><br /><b>ARE YOU IN HEAVY DEBT:</b><br /><br /><b>DOES MR. AMERICA CURRENTLY OWE YOU ANYTHING:</b><br /><br /><b>ARE YOU AN AXIS POWERS / HAVE BEEN IN THE AXIS POWERS (SPECIFY WHICH):</b><br /><br /><b>ARE YOU AN ALLIED POWERS / HAVE BEEN IN THE ALLIED POWERS (SPECIFY WHICH):</b><br /><br /><b>ARE YOU NEUTRAL OR PREFER NEUTRALITY ACCORDING TO YOUR HISTORY:</b><br /><br /><b>DO YOU HAVE A HISTORY OF HOSTILITY TOWARDS CAPITALISM, AMERICANS, MR. AMERICA, FREEDOM OF SPEECH, HAMBURGERS AND/OR RONALD MCDONALD OR THE FACT AMERICA WAS THE FIRST ON THE MOON:</b><br /><br /><b>WHO WON THE COLD WAR:</b><br /><br /><b>DO YOU HATE ENGLAND, OR ANYTHING AFFILIATED WITH ENGLISHMEN (exp: big brows, bad cooking, tophats, monocles):</b><br /><br /><b>IS MR. AMERICA YOUR HERO OR HAS AIDED YOU IN THE PAST WHICH YOU ARE GRATEFUL FOR:</b><br /><br /><b>IF NOT, DO YOU WISH HE WAS YOUR HERO:</b> <br /><br /><b>CAN HE BE YOUR FRIEND:</b>


As for the rest of you, if you have any fucking questions that have to fucking do with Earth, fucking humans or fucking embodiments of fucking nations, contact us and we will be fucking happy to fill you in on how they behave, their diets, mannerisms, and any fucking thing else you may be fucking curious about.

[ CUE A THUMBS UP before the feed cuts. Though, the sound of a chainsaw revving up is in the background before silence]

Comments

video;

[herocomplex]

...
You will be a moderate to decent to almost best friend.
I am Mr. America's best friend.

[zoosmell]

ha ha!
you're a pretty good friend to him, huh?
did he ask you do all this to find him a good friend?
he must be a lonely guy...

[herocomplex]

He rescued me.









And he makes a fucking nice guinea pig since he always lets me wipe his memory.

[zoosmell]

rescued you from what?
like in a metaphorical or real way?
did he bruce willis your ben affleck?

[herocomplex]

Roswell Crash of 1947.

And yes.

Hell fucking yes.

[zoosmell]

oh!
that's pretty cool of him.
are you a god too, or...
well, i don't know!
but do you have a home somewhere in the space?

[herocomplex]

Classified information.

[zoosmell]

ha ha! i won't visit it, don't worry.
i have a lot of irons in the fire.
but i hope you get to visit your home and stuff.
i'm not sure if i know how it feels but...
it'd probably be lonely if you were trapped in your house.

[herocomplex]

Back on Earth, I left Mr. America's house frequently.






And kidnapped all of the cows and Nicolas Cage movies.

_{[ he may possibly have some telepathic abilities, so I hope that's okay. 8)
if not, IT'S A COINCIDENCE. ]}

[zoosmell]

[yes john's head is a MAZE it is a LABYRINTH no it's

it's just nick cage right on the nose] oh man oh man hold up!!!!
you like nick cages movies too?
and cows?
we have so much IN COMMON.
this has blasted the ROOF off our friendship!
we are now partying like sweet friends and hella bros!
oh MAN!
nobody here has any good taste!
we are like stranded on this ship!
i mean, literally, but also METAPHORICALLY.

[herocomplex]

Oh, hell yeah.
I may be Mr. America best friend, and he may be mine...
But I suppose you make a fucking good secondary....
Should anything tragic ever happen to Mr. America.

[zoosmell]

heh, when you put it like that, it sounds kinda threatening!
you can be my secondary friend, too.
except i don't really know who's my first?
i think i will need to make a chart.

[herocomplex]

You may also base your friendship on how much better of a guinea pig they are for any experiments you are wanting to do.

[zoosmell]

aww, shucks.
i can't do that to my friends!
they're my friends.
first, i would ask them!
second, i wouldn't do them!
it's too dangerous.
i can just do it on something else first?
or possibly myself.

[herocomplex]

....
Your overly sweet behavior is rather sickening.
But I like you anyway.

Would you like to meet Mr. America? Perhaps he can change your mind.

[zoosmell]

if you want me to meet him!
it's ok, i like talking to you, too.
you're pretty funny!

video; 1.2

[herocomplex]

You seem like a potential for anal probing with an attitude like that.

[herocomplex]

_{[ And Tony ducks out of the camera. There's some talking going on, mainly just the "F" word over and over from Tony's part. America laughs then pans into the camera. ]}

---Hey dude!! You're wanting to be a nation or something?

[zoosmell]

i am already a nation!
and it's a super duper ridiculously cool nation.
the boonbucks actually matter here.

[herocomplex]

--Looking over the application, I've never heard of that place!

_{[ but hey he thinks this place sounds BADASS if it existed. ]}

--Get yourself an anthem and a flag and we'll think about it, dude!

[zoosmell]

i already have one, duh!
if i didn't have one, would i be a nationy thingy?
i am such an expert on being a nation.

[herocomplex]

Then let's hear the anthem and see the flag!

[zoosmell]

my flag is just all blue...
but i can show you the lyrics to my anthem!
PFFT PFFFFT PFFT PFFT PFFT PFFFFFT PFFT PFFT
PFFT PFFT PFFT PFFT PFFFFFFFTT PFFT PFFT
PFFT PFFFFT PFFT PFFT PFFT PFFFFFT PFFT PFFT
PFFT PFFT PFFT PFFT PFFFFFFFTT PFFT PFFT
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT PFFT PFFT PFFFFFT
PFFT PFFT PFFT PFFT PFFT PFFFFFT PFFT PFFT
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT PFFT PFFT PFFFFFT
PFFT PFFT PFTT PFFT PFFFFFTTT PFT!

[herocomplex]

_{[ is somebody actually dumber than he is on this ship.
IS THIS LIFE.
He blinks a few times, nevertheless, he laughs. ]}

SOUNDS GOOD IN MY BOOK, BRO.

[zoosmell]

that's good, because i have a lot of serious issues i would like to bring up in the meeting!
such as the recent economic downturn that has resulting in my currency to become inflated and only good as edible chocolate coins!
and troubling trends in the weather that has made all the candy that grows on my trees very difficult to harvest.