video ★ 004

[herocomplex]

[ Fair warning, this alien is rather foul mouthed. He only mimics what he has learned from America. ]

Fucking. Fucking. Fuck.

_{[ This is heard telepathically to all watching the video, followed by some tongue clicking as he turns the device on.
Hi Ataraxion. Have +1 grey alien leaning into the communicator and holding it a bit lopsided at first before pulling the communicator away from him and setting it on a hard surface. He crouches down so he's in the camera view again before beginning to eat form a back of chips. ]}

Ahh, fucking. It seems we have to go through this process a whole fucking lot! Mmmmm, negative feelings towards this. It would be nice to fucking go home. Working on that for all of you; that is what my bro America says.

_{[ ANOTHER POTATO CHIP IN THE MOUTH. He seems to be in America's room, but there is no America. ]}

Hmmm. There are new arrivals. I am speaking on behalf of America since he is busy at the moment. My name is Mr. Tony, or Tony-bro if you are fucking tight. We should be fucking rad together.

Mr. America requests that those NATIONS aboard this fucking ship take the time to fill out a fucking form for the next fucking world meeting he is fucking arranging and fucking text it back. This will clear up any fucking confusion in fucking advance, hmmm. Possibly prevent a fucking death threat....unlike last time. This will happen every time a fucking jump occurs.
The date for the next fucking meeting is to be announced at a later fucking time, my friends.

<b>HUMAN NAME:</b><br /><br /><b>COUNTRY NAME / REPRESENTATIVE:</b><br /><br /><b>LANGUAGE(S):</b><br /><br /><b>DO YOU HAVE A DICK OR TITS:</b><br /><br /><b>WHAT YEAR IS IT:</b><br /><br /><b>HAVE YOU EVER BEEN AFFILIATED WITH THE SOVIET UNION:</b><br /><br /><b>HAVE YOU CONSIDERED BEING APART OF THE SOVIET UNION BEFORE IT FELL:</b><br /><br /><b>DO YOU WISH THE SOVIET UNION WAS STILL TOGETHER:</b><br /><br /><b>ARE YOU A COMMUNIST:</b><br /><br /><b>IF NOT, WHAT TYPE IS YOUR GOVERNMENT:</b><br /><br /><b>DO YOU SPELL WORDS WITH A "U" IN THEM FOR NO REASON (exp: colour, harbour):</b><br /><br /><b>TEA OR COFFEE:</b><br /><br /><b>ARE YOU IN HEAVY DEBT:</b><br /><br /><b>DOES MR. AMERICA CURRENTLY OWE YOU ANYTHING:</b><br /><br /><b>ARE YOU AN AXIS POWERS / HAVE BEEN IN THE AXIS POWERS (SPECIFY WHICH):</b><br /><br /><b>ARE YOU AN ALLIED POWERS / HAVE BEEN IN THE ALLIED POWERS (SPECIFY WHICH):</b><br /><br /><b>ARE YOU NEUTRAL OR PREFER NEUTRALITY ACCORDING TO YOUR HISTORY:</b><br /><br /><b>DO YOU HAVE A HISTORY OF HOSTILITY TOWARDS CAPITALISM, AMERICANS, MR. AMERICA, FREEDOM OF SPEECH, HAMBURGERS AND/OR RONALD MCDONALD OR THE FACT AMERICA WAS THE FIRST ON THE MOON:</b><br /><br /><b>WHO WON THE COLD WAR:</b><br /><br /><b>DO YOU HATE ENGLAND, OR ANYTHING AFFILIATED WITH ENGLISHMEN (exp: big brows, bad cooking, tophats, monocles):</b><br /><br /><b>IS MR. AMERICA YOUR HERO OR HAS AIDED YOU IN THE PAST WHICH YOU ARE GRATEFUL FOR:</b><br /><br /><b>IF NOT, DO YOU WISH HE WAS YOUR HERO:</b> <br /><br /><b>CAN HE BE YOUR FRIEND:</b>


As for the rest of you, if you have any fucking questions that have to fucking do with Earth, fucking humans or fucking embodiments of fucking nations, contact us and we will be fucking happy to fill you in on how they behave, their diets, mannerisms, and any fucking thing else you may be fucking curious about.

[ CUE A THUMBS UP before the feed cuts. Though, the sound of a chainsaw revving up is in the background before silence]

Comments

[zoosmell]

heh, when you put it like that, it sounds kinda threatening!
you can be my secondary friend, too.
except i don't really know who's my first?
i think i will need to make a chart.

[herocomplex]

You may also base your friendship on how much better of a guinea pig they are for any experiments you are wanting to do.

[zoosmell]

aww, shucks.
i can't do that to my friends!
they're my friends.
first, i would ask them!
second, i wouldn't do them!
it's too dangerous.
i can just do it on something else first?
or possibly myself.

[herocomplex]

....
Your overly sweet behavior is rather sickening.
But I like you anyway.

Would you like to meet Mr. America? Perhaps he can change your mind.

[zoosmell]

if you want me to meet him!
it's ok, i like talking to you, too.
you're pretty funny!

video; 1.2

[herocomplex]

You seem like a potential for anal probing with an attitude like that.

[herocomplex]

_{[ And Tony ducks out of the camera. There's some talking going on, mainly just the "F" word over and over from Tony's part. America laughs then pans into the camera. ]}

---Hey dude!! You're wanting to be a nation or something?

[zoosmell]

i am already a nation!
and it's a super duper ridiculously cool nation.
the boonbucks actually matter here.

[herocomplex]

--Looking over the application, I've never heard of that place!

_{[ but hey he thinks this place sounds BADASS if it existed. ]}

--Get yourself an anthem and a flag and we'll think about it, dude!

[zoosmell]

i already have one, duh!
if i didn't have one, would i be a nationy thingy?
i am such an expert on being a nation.

[herocomplex]

Then let's hear the anthem and see the flag!

[zoosmell]

my flag is just all blue...
but i can show you the lyrics to my anthem!
PFFT PFFFFT PFFT PFFT PFFT PFFFFFT PFFT PFFT
PFFT PFFT PFFT PFFT PFFFFFFFTT PFFT PFFT
PFFT PFFFFT PFFT PFFT PFFT PFFFFFT PFFT PFFT
PFFT PFFT PFFT PFFT PFFFFFFFTT PFFT PFFT
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT PFFT PFFT PFFFFFT
PFFT PFFT PFFT PFFT PFFT PFFFFFT PFFT PFFT
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT PFFT PFFT PFFFFFT
PFFT PFFT PFTT PFFT PFFFFFTTT PFT!

[herocomplex]

_{[ is somebody actually dumber than he is on this ship.
IS THIS LIFE.
He blinks a few times, nevertheless, he laughs. ]}

SOUNDS GOOD IN MY BOOK, BRO.

[zoosmell]

that's good, because i have a lot of serious issues i would like to bring up in the meeting!
such as the recent economic downturn that has resulting in my currency to become inflated and only good as edible chocolate coins!
and troubling trends in the weather that has made all the candy that grows on my trees very difficult to harvest.

[herocomplex]

---That place sounds really trippy--!!

_{[ YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY A NATION FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION... ]}

Unfortunately, I'm only going to let nations from m universe at the meeting, but I can talk to you privately about all that shit if you want!

Also, maybe you should rethink your anthem a bit! As KICKASS as it is, what if somebody puts up a fuss and wants "PFFT" taken out? Then you'd have no anthem!! I've dealt with stuff like that before and it ain't cool!

[zoosmell]

i would still like to go, or at least be acknowledged, for the pride of being a nationy thingy, thanks!
anyway, that would be very culturally insensitive?
that is the language of my people (see form) and it actually means things!
i can translate it for you, but i am not sure if you are culturally sensitive enough to appreciate the delicacy.
i am very offended and sometimes hungry.

[herocomplex]

_{[ YOU'RE JUST LIKE SEALAND......
only more likable cause Sealand is English. ]}

But we have really TOP SECRET-Y THINGIES to talk about that people from my universe should really only know about--!

You can come for refreshments, be acknowledged and then go home!

[zoosmell]

the people of fuckasslandia acknowledge the acceptability of the arrangements, and proposes said refreshments include cookies and some sort of cake.

[herocomplex]

Great!

Any personal favorite kind of cake?

[zoosmell]

yes.
the cake of NOTHING.

[herocomplex]

_{[ WAIT A MOMENT.... ]}

....How do you make a cake called that?

[zoosmell]

it is the cake that will literally end all cakes.
it is the cake that will make sure there will be no more cakes EVER in the world.
it is the cakepocalypse of all cakes!

[herocomplex]

That sounds MONDO INTENSE. AND SO COOL.
I can get Austria to make that for us!

[zoosmell]

it is foolish to think anyone can make it, but they can certainly try...
but the people of fuckasslandia don't take to NORMAL cakes.
they have seen too many cakes in their lifetime.
in our land, the motto is "let them have no more cake."

[herocomplex]

---So do you want cake or not?
It sounds like a civil war might take place over all of this cake talk, man!