ataraxion | 001; audio-video

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001; audio-video

[ This is Bruce Wayne's voice. Cheerful, foppish, and the audio itself is somehow unsteady as though he can't decide how close to his mouth to hold the device. Apparently his default is too close, because--well, you'll see. He speaks like he's called someone specific. ]

Um, hi there. I bet I mess this up somehow, send it to the wrong number - something like that - but I don't really know that many people here, and... Well, this is embarrassing, actually--

[ At this point he bumps the video feature on with his chin, and it records a swathe of his jaw. ]

Do you know how to cook?

[ He's squinting into the camera, super close when he draws the device back, so that only his left eye and a swathe of slightly too-long hair falling over his forehead is visible, and then that eye narrows and the feed shuts off. ]

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[ Brendan's feeling adventurous, that's why he chooses the video feed--and there's suddenly a 17 year old Blake with glasses and curly hair in his eyes. ]

Think you got the wrong number, pal. Broadcast it to the network--basic mistake, one I almost did.

Really? [ A pause on his end as though digesting that information. ] I didn't realise.

So--wait, everyone can hear this?

That's the crop.

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Oh! Ooh, I can cook sandwiches. Wheatley says they're very good.

Cook sandwiches? Are you supposed to do that with them?

If you fry peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, your opinion will certainly change.

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I don't know who you're talking to but I happen to be a great cook. I can teach you how to make Fereldan stew, if you want!

Ferel--I haven't heard of it. [ The slightest hesitation. ] It doesn't have cat in it, does it? Or squirrel?

Weird animals? In my Fereldan stew? Perish the thought.

Well, maybe it could have squirrel in it, but only if you've been traveling for days and you're miles away from the nearest meat stand. Travelers still have to eat, you know.

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Having trouble with your device there?

[It's asked in an amused tone, the accent distinctly English and somewhat upperclass.]

You could say that. I didn't exactly expect to be talking to everyone. You don't happen to know how to delete messages on the network?

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Yes. I can cook lots of things. Do you have ingredients?

[Let's trade, mister.]

Anything in the freezers or the gardens? That is for everyone, isn't it?

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You might wish to study the art of dialing numbers.

Alfred usually does that part for me. I'm really not used to all of this.

Did you ever get a response that involved a yes? [Luke doesn't really care either way. But if this guy did get a yes then he'd like to know who from. If the food didn't involve an open flame, a wooden spike and fish.. he was out of luck.]

Because I'm pretty sure I got stuck with my mom's cooking skills. Which consist of burned cookies and moldy P.B. and J sandwiches.

Even burned cookies would be a step up from me. As far as I knew, they came out of a jar.

[ Okay he might be exaggerating. Alfred's cooking is great, and sometimes he even gets the cookies warm, just like they were when he was a child.

Even if he's surviving just fine as always, he really misses Alfred's cooking. ]

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Yes. Do you not?

If I did, would I be asking?

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[ in a queer sort of way, he can sympathize. these contraptions were mistrustful at the best of times. yet even so... ]

Perhaps you should have mentioned the name of the individual in question.

Maybe. I did expect them to be on the other end when I called, rather than everyone.

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It's a skill that only manifests itself in the presence of beautiful woman so I'm afraid you're out of luck.

Having a butler has always been much more impressive than knowing how to cook, otherwise I might have invested in the skill. Does it actually work?

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[ My, my, Bruce Wayne, aren't you just the cutest thing.

She knows you well enough to know what you're up to, and she admits it's rather clever - though she isn't all too surprised by the lack of proper knowledge of cooking on your part. (Must be rough having people wait on you all the time)

So please don't mind her, shell is just be currently sitting chin in hand at her desk, watching this whole whatever unfold, curious to see just who might come running to help you. ]

[ Gee, way to have faith in him. He actually does know how to uh...eat things that aren't cooked by other people. And how to charcoal things almost to death in a fire. The second is a Wayne speciality, come to think of it.

But so long as he can provide a show. ]

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