001; audio-video

[chiroptophobic]

[ This is Bruce Wayne's voice. Cheerful, foppish, and the audio itself is somehow unsteady as though he can't decide how close to his mouth to hold the device. Apparently his default is too close, because--well, you'll see. He speaks like he's called someone specific. ]

Um, hi there. I bet I mess this up somehow, send it to the wrong number - something like that - but I don't really know that many people here, and... Well, this is embarrassing, actually--

[ At this point he bumps the video feature on with his chin, and it records a swathe of his jaw. ]

Do you know how to cook?

[ He's squinting into the camera, super close when he draws the device back, so that only his left eye and a swathe of slightly too-long hair falling over his forehead is visible, and then that eye narrows and the feed shuts off. ]

Comments

video;

[dirtyword]

[ Brendan's feeling adventurous, that's why he chooses the video feed--and there's suddenly a 17 year old Blake with glasses and curly hair in his eyes. ]

Think you got the wrong number, pal. Broadcast it to the network--basic mistake, one I almost did.

video;

[the_vishual]

Oh! Ooh, I can cook sandwiches. Wheatley says they're very good.

voice;

[chiroptophobic]

Really? [ A pause on his end as though digesting that information. ] I didn't realise.

So--wait, everyone can hear this?

voice;

[chiroptophobic]

Cook sandwiches? Are you supposed to do that with them?

audio

[forlifeloveandcheese]

I don't know who you're talking to but I happen to be a great cook. I can teach you how to make Fereldan stew, if you want!

voice;

[onsilksheets]

Having trouble with your device there?

[It's asked in an amused tone, the accent distinctly English and somewhat upperclass.]

audio

[chiroptophobic]

Ferel--I haven't heard of it. [ The slightest hesitation. ] It doesn't have cat in it, does it? Or squirrel?

voice;

[chiroptophobic]

You could say that. I didn't exactly expect to be talking to everyone. You don't happen to know how to delete messages on the network?

audio

[forlifeloveandcheese]

Weird animals? In my Fereldan stew? Perish the thought.

Well, maybe it could have squirrel in it, but only if you've been traveling for days and you're miles away from the nearest meat stand. Travelers still have to eat, you know.

audio

[chiroptophobic]

[ Since there's no video with which to see Bruce scrunch up his nose, he doesn't actually bother. This is about his plan to not get his handsome jawline on camera. But he does leave a nice pause for it none the less. ]

Eurgh. That's... Ugh. What about a vegetarian option? I don't think I could even try it with meat now without thinking of squirrels. [ So delicate. It's all lies, he'd eat anything so long as someone else made it. ]

voice;

[onsilksheets]

Can't say that I do know how to do that, sweetie. You'll just have to live with the consequences of it.

voice;

[chiroptophobic]

Great. Well, that's just what I need. I suppose looking like an idiot it at least a great way to meet new people?

[the_infiltrator]

Yes. I can cook lots of things. Do you have ingredients?

[Let's trade, mister.]

voice;

[onsilksheets]

It could have been more embarrassing. I think you got off rather lightly with this one.

audio

[forlifeloveandcheese]

[ Alistair remains oblivious. He is but a simple man that enjoys talking about disgusting food. ]

I can't help you there, buddy. It's meat and cheese or bust, where I come from.

[ In retrospect, that explains the rotten cabbage everywhere. Everybody wants to farm it; nobody wants to eat it. ]

[chiroptophobic]

Anything in the freezers or the gardens? That is for everyone, isn't it?

voice;

[chiroptophobic]

There's not much that's more embarrassing than a billionaire that can't cook a sandwich.

[ Thanks, Chase, now he's convinced that's how it works. ]

[Video]

[the_infiltrator]

I don't know. Most people don't like the frozen foods. [She doesn't care about things like ownership, bah.] What do you want to eat?

audio

[chiroptophobic]

Meat and cheese?

[ That does sound disgusting. And unhealthy. ]

So no vegetables at all?

audio

[forlifeloveandcheese]

We have vegetables, mostly as ingredients and side dishes. You'd have to go to Orlais if you want any of the fancy salad stuff.

voice;

[onsilksheets]

[Billionaire? Oh, now this was interesting.]

You could have been caught unawares in a comprising position. Shared it with everyone via the network.

[voice]

[chiroptophobic]

Oh... [ What does he want to eat? Health food; carrots, apples, broccoli, bananas--possibly pureed. ] Anything will do. Something simple I can try to make again?

voice;

[chiroptophobic]

[ An awkward laugh. ] Really? I can't say I've given even getting into a compromising situation much thought.

audio

[chiroptophobic]

Orlais? Is that somewhere on the ship?

audio

[forlifeloveandcheese]

No, it's a country in Thedas. They have masked nobles, silly accents, fancy parties with stinky cheeses.