001; audio-video

[chiroptophobic]

[ This is Bruce Wayne's voice. Cheerful, foppish, and the audio itself is somehow unsteady as though he can't decide how close to his mouth to hold the device. Apparently his default is too close, because--well, you'll see. He speaks like he's called someone specific. ]

Um, hi there. I bet I mess this up somehow, send it to the wrong number - something like that - but I don't really know that many people here, and... Well, this is embarrassing, actually--

[ At this point he bumps the video feature on with his chin, and it records a swathe of his jaw. ]

Do you know how to cook?

[ He's squinting into the camera, super close when he draws the device back, so that only his left eye and a swathe of slightly too-long hair falling over his forehead is visible, and then that eye narrows and the feed shuts off. ]

Comments

[culver]

Pasta is very easy.

[chiroptophobic]

How do you make it?

[ What is food out of packets? ]

[culver]

You boil it.

[chiroptophobic]

Just boil it? Are you sure?

[culver]

Yes. Then you put sauce on top.

[chiroptophobic]

Are you sure you didn't miss out any steps?

[culver]

I am sure.
Why?

[chiroptophobic]

Well it just seems... You boil things in water, right? So you add the sauce to the water once it's done?

[culver]

What no

[WOW SHE
DID NOT EXPECT TO HAVE TO SPELL THIS ALL OUT
hold on she'll give you a list she's kind of good at these now]

1 Boil water
2 Add noodles
3 Wait until noodles are tender
4 Drain water
5 Put sauce on top

[chiroptophobic]

See when you put it like that it doesn't sound very simple at all.

[culver]

It is only five steps.

[chiroptophobic]

Five is already too many.

[culver]

Other recipes have more steps
This is not hard