ataraxion | [video] 002

_{[ Hi Tranquility. Are you ready dor a mouthfull? Cause you're getting it. Feed clicks on to show America, apparently just out of his jumpsuit and in his boxers. He's just seated on his bed, hair tousled a bit, evidently not very concerned about his appearance even though he's addressing who knows how many people. He's too lazy to get up. He's eating out of a bag of chips that he found aboard the ship when exploring the facilities; that is what he spent all day doing.
Giving the communicator a bit of a salute, he says something incoherent with his mouth full before flashing a grin. ]}

HEEEEEY YOU GUYS. EVENING, DUDES, THIS IS YOUR HERO SPEAKING. GOT SOME IMPORTANT TO SAY. You better listen up, I've also got a surprise for you all! _{[ He adjusts his posture, throat clearing. ]}

Hahaha, righto! SO! If you are unfamiliar with EARTH, or whatever, I've been awesomely awesome as usual and drew myself a map for you dudes so you can understand the very, VERY, important things about the Earth I've graciously drawn out for you. Yeah, I'm a nice guy! Hahahaaha! So, here we go! It looks something like THIS, are you ready?? Tony, bro, if you will please!

_{[ A little grey alien jumps into view, holding up a piece of paper which looks like this: ]}

HAHAA. RIGHT, so that totally accurate cause I drew it! Everything circled is MINE, and I pointed out my dick cause it has the HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH! This is for you slackers that didn't pay attention to American geography class for whatever reason!! Hahaha, so! On the subject of my dick, _{[ pointing to the map as he say all of this ]} I'll just segway as to why THIS IS MY DICK. If you don't know what the shit I'm talking about, I'M GONNA EXPLAIN. _{[ A brief pause to stuff some chips in his mouth and he speaks, lips smacking before swallowing. ]}

--So, I figure I'll be the heroic one and take responsibility here. I'm gonna break something to you all just in case you hear country names being thrown around and you're all: Oh my GOD WHAT THE SHIT!?!? I THOUGHT YOU WERE ALFRED, OH GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING.
RIIIIIIIGHT, chill out, here's the low-down. Some of us you may talk to are the embodiments of our respectable countries we're being called. We're like the spirits of our countries like some crazy Miyazaki film or something. SO YEAH YOU HEARD ME. YEAH IT'S MIND-BLOWING, INNIT? BUT YOU KNOW THIS WHOLE THING IS MIND-BLOWING,. I MET CAPTAIN KIRK WHO IS SUPPOSED TO BE FICTIONAL, SO WHATEVER, DUDE. And we have human names just for kicks, and when we gotta use them for living out normal life shit or something. [ He picks at his nose slightly before continuing. ]
Uh, okay, RIGHT SOMETHING COOL: Apparently people also can be from different timelines and alternate dimensions and it's REALLY FUCKING FAR OUT AND AWESOME! BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT BESIDES THE FACT YOU MAY BE FROM OUR WORLD, OR YOU MAY NOT.

Anyway, back on the subject of us, basically we're all really, really important and have a degree of immortality and super strength and stamina last I checked! The citizens and the government make us up, parts of the landmass coincide with parts on our body, etccc, etccc, yadda yadda. So far there are only four of us I've seen on this ship! We're hundreds of years old, we age differently, we die differently, we've fought in wars, we've done responsibilities that you don't even KNOW OF, MAN. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW.

OKAY SOOOOO, ONTO THE INTROS I'll introduce!
If you see a girl that thinks she has a dick, has long hair with a flower in it sometimes, that's Hungary! Maybe you know her as Elizaveta. F.Y.I, J.S.Y.K HISTORY LESSON: She used to be married to this dude named Austria, or Roderich if you give a shit about European history, which I really don't!! Haha! He's here and he has glasses and is like a pansy. They're both from the 1950's for some reason! WHICH REALLY BLOWS MY MIND CAUSE HOLY SHIT IT'S LIKE BACK TO THE FUTURE.
Hahaha! Right! And the other one is Natalia, or Belarus. If you meet a crazy lady that wants to marry her brother, that's her and you should just.. be careful. She's former USSR and scary as shit. She's from the year crazy and will ALWAYS be there. Basically I gotta say about her; just be cautious, even if she's hot. Don't give into her hotness, she'll lure you in like a she-devil and propaganda your shit out.

_{[ A bit of laughter, sounding a bit nervous if anything, he throws his head back. ]}

HAHAHA! SO ANYWAY, DUDES. There's one of us for every country! Isn't that kind of AWESOME?? Other country guys that I haven't seen are England. You can tell by his massive eyebrows and Simon Cowell I-hate-my-life personality that he is England and I kicked his ass in the Revolution. Juuuuust thought I'd throw that out there for you people that aren't familiar with anything pertaining to America. Never try anything he cooks, and he hallucinates fairies and shit. Just ignore that; he's loony--
If you see a guy with a fat face, fat nose, fat ass, fat stomach, that's Russia, or Ivan! He's stupid and you shouldn't like him. Why? Well, he's a Communist power hungry dick and I beat his ass in the Cold War! [ no you didn't ] Yeah, I know I'm cool.
Oh! And one more I'll talk about. if you see a dude that looks like lady with blond hair and a thick accent, you should just run! That's the Frenchie, or Francis, and he smells like garlic and he's basically a pervert. Aaaaaall you gotta know about him. Those are just a few of us! But like I said, I've only seen Hungary, Austria, and Belarus.

_{[ A beat, he takes a deep breath. ]}

SO LAY IT ON ME, DUDES AND DUDETTES. Am I making myself clear? Get it? Map of the earth? We're the embodiments of that? We're the SHIT COOOOOOL AWESOME? DISNEYWORLD IS ON MY DICK???

HAAHAA, SO. If you have any questions regarding this, feel free to contact me!
This is Alfred F. Jones, the United States of America......
OVER AND OUT!!!!

_{[ THE MOST CONFUSING EXPLANATION EVER, BUT HERE YOU GO. ]}

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

[And he'll stare back, a little puzzled. It's always the ears, isn't it...]

I'm not that. I'm a ribika. I'm not sure what "neko guy" is, but it's not something anyone's said about me before.

[Then a bright smile and a nod.] I'm going to do my best and remember this map. It's a lot different from any map I've ever seen. The commie parts are bad, right? Because commies are bad, you said. [He observes the map for a second, gaze shifting back and forth just slightly, but when America begins to describe Disneyworld his expression returns to its confused blank.]

I've never heard of any of these Disneyworld things, except for children.

Tell another lie straight to my face, go ahead, I dare you. Give me more reason to beat the shit out of you, Alfred.

Well, families go there and pay out of the asshole for anything Mickey Mouse and it's kind of an amazing happy place. I'm going to go there to celebrate when I get everybody back home.

Anyway, yeah! Sugoi neko things. Japan really likes those.
I'll just casually accept there is a scientific explanation for all these other species and other universes and stuff.

_{[ tbh this is all very overwhelming and exciting for him. ]}

And yeah. Yeah. Commies. They're not cool. You're a Capitalist, remember?

_{[ But. Come on. Look at him.
Stuffing his face. And talking to his little alien pal. ]}

What do you mean another lie? Since WHEN have I been lying--!?

Are you okay? Are you having a reaction to something?

[ cause wtf. ]

You sure as hell know you weren't thinking about me in any way, shape, or form. So cut the crap and stop acting like you're in charge of everything. Getting sick of it, hell, I'd even take Ivan over you right about now.

Amazing happy place...hm. I think I'd like to see that.

[A pause at "sugoi neko things" because what.] Well, maybe science because it's what I am? I'm not a human in any way. I'm just a ribika. [He does what he's used to doing now to prove he's not just a cat-human, brushing his hair back to show his complete lack of human ears.

Then, his ears perk up and his smile grows brighter.] Yeah! I'm a capitalist! Is...is that okay? For me to be a capitalist like you?

[ Oh America. Mouse likes you more and more. ]

Edited 2011-12-12 06:11 (UTC)

_{[ ... ]}

You wouldn't. I mean... ouch!!?!?-- woah man. Especially since you're from, you know.
That kind of period...

What the hell am I doing that's making you SO PISSED? You haven't been happy not even ONCE on this ship that I've noticed.

.... Well.

Besides that glance you gave Austria over the video.

You honestly think you are the United States, and that the happiest place on earth is on your dick? Clearly this is why they think the US is a bunch of asses.

Yeah, I'm from that time. I deal with the bastard on a day-to-day basis, you've only had to deal with him occasional or when he's helping you in a war. Do you know what a fucking disaster he really is?

And I'm not happy because you're being a loud, obnoxious, idiotic child.

Even as my ex, he's still someone I've spent a lot of time around. I'd be jut as excited if, say, Feliks showed up.

u.s. still owns guam. and the virgin islands. and puerto rico. and the mariana islands. and they're not circled.

also your dick is really marshy and prone to hurricanes. fucking florida is shit. ...and don't ever call anything that helps you tony again.

Thank you.

_{[ He folds his knees to his chest, biting at his nails, contemplating. ]}

Yeah, okay whatever.

If I'm totally honest with you, I'd sort of be happy if anybody else showed up. I mean, besides Russia. I don't care. But I want to talk to people I can associate with, you know?

It's not like I'm lonely, so don't think that! It's just annoying having to explain this to people I've never met before.

[ What the fuck are you on? ]

Page 2 of 17

[video] 002

video

permatext!

[Video]

no subject

video;

[ I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT GOES HERE ]

video;

text; THIS IS JUST AMAZING!

[Video]

video

no subject

no subject

text; 8)d <33

video;

no subject

no subject

text;

[Video]

text;

text; 1/2

no subject

text; I CANNOT STOP LAUGHING.

[Text] Sorry for threadjack fkjdfe

video;

[ NOT HERE ][ I AM CRYING FROM LAUGHTER ]