012✖; (video)

[circumitus]

"Recently, you've all been told that there is a traitor.

"So you should probably know what it was I did."

[She pauses, searching for the words while she lets that sink in for a heavy moment. One might note that her tones are different; she doesn't sound like her usual robotic self when she speaks. Quite the opposite, actually. Rey sounds almost like-human. In her own way, you could say that this her one big "fuck you" to Smiley. You think she wouldn't tell everyone? Well, now she is. Full disclosure. So there.]

"I entered the dark corridors shortly after the DUPRR crew had docked the ship. Before long it became apparent that the things infesting the hallways weren't approaching me with any hostility. Because they weren't attacking, I was able to reach the secondary shuttle bay more or less without much incident. During that trek I made an effort to avoid others, not knowing the extent of the compulsion and whether it would also drive me to harm anyone who stood in the way." [Well, it's mostly the truth she speaks. You're welcome, William.]

"All that remained was the DUPRR pilot, Neson. Needing his trust, I tricked him into coming with me by pretending to be a person who was trustworthy. It's something I've become rather good at, actually -- pretending to be someone else, much like how I am right now. Despite the fact that something wanted me to kill this man, I decided to will against it.

"It didn't work as intended.

"Instead, I took him to the White Room. I opened the door. And I led him through.

"He's likely still in there right now, where it's kept him."

[She stops, still dizzied from the jump. The more she speaks, the more hoarse her voice gets. She hasn't been using it that much lately, and it's clear from her shadowed eyes and worn features that she's been neglecting more than just sharing this information.]

"Apparently, doing this has-- 'stopped the clock', whatever that means.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry."

Comments

[dogbane]

[William's brow knits. He's slightly less panicky without a soul. More problem-solvingy. Less sweet also, but maybe for all intents and purposes-- or at least, the current intent and purpose, that's all right.] Be good to get an official response registered from Security, [he says.]

Maybe have them point out you're clear by the law of the land, as it goes. Have they said anything? [Even as he's asking, the color of the light glowing up on his face changes-- he's clearly flipping away from their immediate window to check on her other responders.]

[circumitus]

No, but it may not have helped that I-- [ugh, "I"] --haven't checked in with them for over a month.

[It also doesn't help that she'd initially been shut up in her room while planning to try her damnedest to alienate herself from everyone and everything around her. She pretty much failed at that, too. Now she's being somewhat more sociably reclusive and simultaneously paranoid.]

[dogbane]

Fuck-- well. That's all right. That's... [William hunches.] Have you got plans to do it now?

[He almost said 'arrangements,' but if there's hedging he's pretty sure it isn't going to be solved by scribbling it into his planner with details. William slides back out of the thread, squinting at Rey.]

Any reason not to?

[circumitus]

[Rey just shrugs. She's not sure whether or not it matters with the cat out of the bagel now.

[She huffs at that second question, though.]

Other than the fact that there's a high possibility that I may have been -- and still may be -- controlled by the thing that lives in the White Room?

Oh, I don't know. Perhaps I just don't like people. [Sarcasm dripping from her normally robotic-sounding voice.]

[dogbane]

[His brow furrows. William glances over his shoulders either way, double-checking no one is around.]

Do you think they'll have you locked up? [he asks.] They've put away a few people for following -- um, urges and that shit. Killing the DUPRR people. [He gestures vaguely as if murder is vague; he might just be vaguing over his own murder feats, recently.] But putting 'em in the white room sure as shit hasn't been classified as a crime, historically.

[circumitus]

It's not about what's classified as a crime, or getting away with whatever the hell happened back there. Could be locked up for years and there would still be this damn thing in my head.

[She snaps, sounds pissed, but not at William. She's angry at herself, at the situation, at the fact that people are brushing this aside like it's no big deal but it's nuclear for her because it's not the first time this sort of thing has happened.]

...More worried about the shadow than fucking semantics.

[dogbane]

Then maybe you should tell them because of that.

[William is slightly taken aback at the snap, but not as much as he would be if he were plus one in the soul department. His right eyebrow crumples low, thoughtful.] So they know to monitor you. And check in, when something's going on. They wanted me to take precautions, before, after the dream clusterfuck, [he explains.

Ignore the irony pls.]

[circumitus]

Did they? And just how well do you suppose that worked out for you, William?

[SHE KNOWS WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER]

[dogbane]

[William makes a face at her, which is absurd; unmistakably soulless to anyone who knows him really well. She only knows him medium though, doesn't she?] Well I'd say there were improvements, [he says.]

At least this time it was completely fucking premeditated.

[circumitus]

[Medium, yes, but that doesn't make her entirely unobservant. She takes a moment to study him. It can be a little bit creepy, if you have issues with people who have a staring problem.

[And then, finally, she says:]

Wouldn't necessarily call that improvement.

[dogbane]

[William catches himself only then; after she says that. Breaks eye-contact, telling himself in his head Don't act soulless don't act soulless so he takes a breath and. tries.] Right, [he says.] Sorry, I just.

I don't know how to deal with all that shit right now, [he decides, sounds true enough. Last time it was catatonia and drugs and extended isolation while a couple of so-called friends tried and totally failed to make to his bedroom for chats, and wound up making out under some bewitched mistletoe (??) instead. It wasn't fun. He's putting off dealing 'til he can come up with a better way, basically.] So-- right. Uh, sorry.

[circumitus]

[...Don't mind her. She's just going to keep eying you. The subtle tells. She's more perceptive than you'd think.

[But not enough to really pinpoint the whole soulless thing. Rather, she focuses on another matter:]

How have you been since we came back? Sort of fell out of contact for a while. Sorry for that.

[dogbane]

I've been all right, [William answers easily enough, recovering from his momentary concern.] Catching up with work. Everything gets a bit turned around every time we have a shipwide clusterfuck, supplies out of order, you know. In terms of my personal life, I've got nice plans.

[SEXY PLANS

Sexy stay soulless stay alive stay out of Charles Xavier's clutches-shaped plans.]

Between the two of us you've probably got more to worry about at the moment. [A beat.] I don't think I ever thanked you. Sorry. Sometimes I'm a cunt.

[circumitus]

[Rey sighs, rubbing a hand down her face.]

Wouldn't be so quick to thank me, if what Smiley said was true. Probably would've been better if you'd just killed them both.

At least, better than whatever happens in that room.

[dogbane]

[William's mouth twists thoughtfully, and his eyes go slightly out of focus. Thinking.]

Pretty sure assimilation's happening in there, [he decides.] Seems like this assimilation's different-- more fucked up, somehow, more dangerous than the ones before. I suppose Smiley didn't want the white room to get him. To get one of the fucking DUPRR cunts.

[A beat.]

I'm surprised you say that, but I guess I shouldn't be.

[circumitus]

If that's the case, what happened to us? We went in there, and we came out. And we seemed to share a similar experience when DUPRR showed up.

[She doesn't want to say it, but the implications are there and it doesn't bode well.]

[dogbane]

[He looks a little squeamish for a moment. Like he didn't want to be the one to talk about it, even if everyone else has already started to think about it and have probably remarked similarly elsewhere.]

I suppose this shit happens in degrees.

[circumitus]

This feels like the culmination of shit. The shit dressing on the shit salad.

[It sounds weird for even Rey to hear herself talk like that. But she's not exactly herself, and hasn't been for some time.

[She pauses, biting her lip for a second.]

Back then, when it was just Neson left... Did you feel anything at all? A change?

[After throwing herself into a self-imposed solitude, she hadn't had the time to revisit the events with William. Didn't really want to, no matter how necessary it was.]

[dogbane]

I can't remember very well. I had a lot of adrenaline I suppose, [William says, propping his chin on his hands. More relaxed now that they aren't speculating directly about the loss of their own minds. Someday, murder by itself will bother him again.] I don't think so. I'dve had him, too.

Was it different for you, from the start? Or only after I did the kid?

[circumitus]

Was different before, as well as after.

[She hesitates, scratching her forehead. A nervous tick when she doesn't want to look directly at someone.]

There was a time, before coming here, that it was possible for someone to manipulate my actions against my will. Make me do things, kill whoever they wanted me to kill.

When that feeling came again, it was-- familiar. That something wanted me to kill again. Didn't really want to kill these people, though.

It was almost like being torn in two.

After the kid, it changed. Relief? Thought it was finally over. That perhaps it was possible to at least save the other one.

Suppose that's what it wanted the entire time. And it just got the best of me.

[There's a tense silence that follows. Her teeth clench, anger coiling in her throat and through her words.]

He said that I chose it. But that was not my choice, and am sick of assholes taking that from me.

[dogbane]

[William falls quiet for a long moment, pensive, not trying to be cold in the face of her anger just-- thinking.]

You chose not to kill him, [he says, finally.] I don't think it's sensible or virtuous to deny that fucking much. You chose that. You thought it'd be better than whatever I was going to do to him, whatever the monsters might do. And you didn't know any better because this ship and its senior inhabitants are all snotty, judgy, mystery-hoarding cunts.

[A beat.] Mind-control is bollocks, [he remembers to agree, nodding.]

[circumitus]

So is not knowing whether or not this all means we've just been royally fucked over.

[dogbane]

Can't argue with you there, [William nods, looking as sympathetic as he can. It's pretty good, even if it's not as good as he used to be.] But on the upside, we know you're still a good person, does your best when you're put between a rock and a hard place.

There are worse things than trying to keep people alive.

[circumitus]

["I'm not a person," is almost what comes out of her mouth just then. But she's already opened that can of worms with Sophie and Firo more than once, and has no desire to do the same with William right now.

[Sigh. Mildly frustrated, at a loss, and what do.]

Think dying would've been better than whatever happens in that room.

Don't know for certain, but it seems to be a fair guess.

[dogbane]

[William scratches his chin.] You'dve killed him if you'd known that, [he says loyally. Which is a little ridiculous yes, talking about killing someone as if that's what a good friend would do and what a bad friend wouldn't, but right now that is.]

You did what was fucking best.

[He'll say it again. He'll say it until she tells him off or starts to believe it.]