012✖; (video)

[circumitus]

"Recently, you've all been told that there is a traitor.

"So you should probably know what it was I did."

[She pauses, searching for the words while she lets that sink in for a heavy moment. One might note that her tones are different; she doesn't sound like her usual robotic self when she speaks. Quite the opposite, actually. Rey sounds almost like-human. In her own way, you could say that this her one big "fuck you" to Smiley. You think she wouldn't tell everyone? Well, now she is. Full disclosure. So there.]

"I entered the dark corridors shortly after the DUPRR crew had docked the ship. Before long it became apparent that the things infesting the hallways weren't approaching me with any hostility. Because they weren't attacking, I was able to reach the secondary shuttle bay more or less without much incident. During that trek I made an effort to avoid others, not knowing the extent of the compulsion and whether it would also drive me to harm anyone who stood in the way." [Well, it's mostly the truth she speaks. You're welcome, William.]

"All that remained was the DUPRR pilot, Neson. Needing his trust, I tricked him into coming with me by pretending to be a person who was trustworthy. It's something I've become rather good at, actually -- pretending to be someone else, much like how I am right now. Despite the fact that something wanted me to kill this man, I decided to will against it.

"It didn't work as intended.

"Instead, I took him to the White Room. I opened the door. And I led him through.

"He's likely still in there right now, where it's kept him."

[She stops, still dizzied from the jump. The more she speaks, the more hoarse her voice gets. She hasn't been using it that much lately, and it's clear from her shadowed eyes and worn features that she's been neglecting more than just sharing this information.]

"Apparently, doing this has-- 'stopped the clock', whatever that means.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry."

Comments

[circumitus]

["I'm not a person," is almost what comes out of her mouth just then. But she's already opened that can of worms with Sophie and Firo more than once, and has no desire to do the same with William right now.

[Sigh. Mildly frustrated, at a loss, and what do.]

Think dying would've been better than whatever happens in that room.

Don't know for certain, but it seems to be a fair guess.

[dogbane]

[William scratches his chin.] You'dve killed him if you'd known that, [he says loyally. Which is a little ridiculous yes, talking about killing someone as if that's what a good friend would do and what a bad friend wouldn't, but right now that is.]

You did what was fucking best.

[He'll say it again. He'll say it until she tells him off or starts to believe it.]

[circumitus]

Would have, yes. [Rey is no stranger to killing, whether it be under her own influence, necessity, or under the control of someone else completely. The latter aspect makes it not something she prides herself in.

[As she continues, her teeth clench. It's hard for her to speak, through the anger and everything else that's been waging inside of her fucking conscience. William, you have it easy.]

No, it wasn't. It really wasn't what was fucking best at all!

Just gave it more. It wanted me and I GAVE IT MORE.

[Normally, Rey does not yell. She's not the yelling type. But everyone has their limits, and right now she can't help but to feel things and it just happens to be very loud.]

[dogbane]

[He recoils slightly from the tiny device, even though she's shrunk down and quieter through the digitization than she would be in person. After a moment, William comes back again, his fingers emerging huge in the view of the lens for a moment, adjusting it so that he can see her differently.

She's too far away to scare him for more than a moment. And for better or worse, he doesn't-- can't feel guilty for making her shout.] But you didn't know, [he says.] You did your best. Sometimes you can't fucking know. [But then there's a staccato instant after, where his brow furrows, he's reminded by her crew number on his screen how long she's been here.

And he asks:] Did you?

[circumitus]

What if I did?

[Rey, no. No hypotheticals. But she sounds irritated, resentful, though not necessarily at William so much as the whole situation and its outcome.]

I know that nothing good is going to come from there. I know what it wants.

[dogbane]

Assimilation and murder and fucked up mental control, or has it written you a specific memo? [William shouldn't be so tart. So sharp. He wouldn't be ordinarily. He frowns at her, brow furrowed. Not understanding, in part because he can't.]

[circumitus]

Funny. [Only she's not laughing. She clears her throat. Her voice is gravelly; not used to raising it.]

It didn't have to be specific.

[dogbane]

So if it had been, [William frowns, strangely stern, or maybe just thoughtful. No, probably stern.] If it'd said, you do this, it'll fuck everyone; murder's better, pick the murder. Black on yellow. Sans-serif font, 'cause that's easiest to read, digitally.

Would you've still shown him the white room?

[circumitus]

I don't know. [She says quietly, barely audible at first. She's gripping the side of her head in one hand, her jaw tightening.] I don't know!

Just know that it wouldn't matter what I wanted, anyway. I wasn't in control. Again.

[dogbane]

[He's quiet a little bit after that. Not just the absence of conversation; his eyes are quiet, thinking about that.]

All right, [he concedes.] We ought to throw a funeral for the loss of our sanity, collectively. But then we'd have to tell them all what I did-- and I do appreciate you didn't. [His voice is gentler now, considerably. He looks at her with something like rue, but of course-- it can't be.]

[circumitus]

[Rey falls quiet herself for a moment, then sighs.]

No, wouldn't do that. Not unless you made that decision yourself.

[Snitches get stitches, after all. And she sure as fuck isn't going to start pointing fingers or even kid herself that what she did was a far cry from William...

[Besides, Smiley more or less took that choice from her, forced her to come clean regardless of what others think. She's not about to stoop to his level and do the same.]

[dogbane]

Thanks, love. [William's face in the video is kind. And he means to be, as much as he can be under the circumstances.]

Listen. You did a brave thing, coming out. If you hear about anything me or Medical can do to help-- fucking anything at all, you let me know, all right? Smiley might think the clock's stopped, but far as I can see, time's still moving very fucking inexorably forward.

[circumitus]

[She falls quiet for a moment, mulling over both William's words and how she's willing to digest them.

[After a few seconds, she nods.]

Suppose it is.

...Thank you. [Pause.] And apologies. For yelling.

[dogbane]

[Our CMO cracks a grin.] Been through worse. Was ex-military, you know, [and a hooker for awhile! but that's neither here nor there.] But thanks.

I should piss off and do some work now. Be in touch, yeah?

[circumitus]

...

[Hah.]

Makes sense. Nothing quite beats the verbal abuse of a drill sergeant.

[She would know.

[And then she nods.] Will be in touch.