ataraxion | [text] eridan's guide to getting lost

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[text] eridan's guide to getting lost

i took one wwrong fuckin turn
wwhy me
seriously ivve been on perfect fuckin behavvior an this is howw i get repaid stuck in some fuckin corridor like evvery other poor fuckin asshole runnin around wwithout a fuckin clue here
great
wwhatevver

not like i had any fuckin plans

[Oh, no, don't assume he's not fucking terrified by the fact that he's suddenly unable to find his way out of where he is. He's just grateful that he's apparently not the only one, since he's seen the other network posts.]

friendly tip from me to you
dont go out in the hallwways evven if you think youre bein a hero like i saww you guys talkin about search parties an wwhatnot
unless you knoww howw to not get fuckin stuck in these endless freaky corridors its not wworth it ok

[Can you smell the "HEY HEY GUYS LOOK I'M BEING USEFUL I'M CHANGED NOW GUYS GUYS" in his desperation?]

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[Heather's been in the corridors for more than a day now, walking and not sleeping because WHAT IF THE DOORS COME BACK AND SHE'S ASLEEP AND SHE MISSES THEM?]

in here is a tragedy
art thou player or audience?
be as it may the end doth remain:
all go on only toward death

Edited 2012-02-20 09:18 (UTC)

wwoww
thats useless i dont evven knoww wwhere to begin dissectin that terrible poetry it doesnt evven rhyme an its really not fuckin helpful tellin me im gonna die

making you angry? good. we should be angry. somebody is doing this to us.

and for the love of christ don't talk about dissecting.

i wwas already angry i didnt need you to add in a bunch a fuckin poetry bullshark to piss me off
ill talk about wwhatevver i wwant im the one stuck in this stupid fuckin corridor like its some kind a long tedious an irrelevvant intermission to my regular life on this ship

it's not a poem.

have you seen any marks on the walls? Japan's doing drawings and I'm leaving my initials.

maybe we can meet up and squabble in person.

no i havvent seen anythin at all
if you guys are leavvin marks maybe someones wwashin them off
no fuck that wwe must just be in different endless fuckin hallwways i dont knoww howw thats possible but its the only logical explanation

logical? That's optimistic.

You're probably right though. You should mark it up anyway, at least that way if you end up back where you started you'll know. It's making me feel a little better, anyway.

i guess that makes sense but none a it looks familiar
wwell none a it looks different in any wway at all really

none of it looks familiar? to me it all looks the same.

how can we both be lost at the same time but it's so different?

wwell thats wwhat i mean
it all looks the same but the same thing doesnt mean its familiar to me i mean i could be anywwhere on the ship

Do you remember what your last location was, before you ended up stuck that is? [ yes, she sounds concerned, but she is also busy flipping through her maps attempting to find things as she is talking. ]

[Eridan is trying for "oh-yeah-so-I-guess-I'm-stuck" vibe in his tone, but he's still a little awkward.]

I wwas headin' to the media library from my room.

Okay [ she is quiet then a moment, as she is flipping through her maps then attempting to locate that area.

quickly asking: ] Did you pass the corridor leading to the mess hall yet?

[ after a moment. ] You okay though, Eridan? [ no immediate danger or anything? ]

[Is he okay? Is he okay??]

Yeah, I'm fuckin' fine, just great, nothin' upsettin' about this at all, other than the fact that I'm fuckin' hungry an' tired an' possibly bein' stalked since there's also a monster loose in the halls!

[ughhhh]

No, havven't seen any other corridors at all.

[ just trying to be helpful and seem caring here. ]

Well I'm trying to figure out where you are. [ she falls silent then a moment, and the sound of paper rustling can be heard, before she is grumbling in frustration, finally speaking: ]

I can't seem to understand why nothing is like I drew it. The layout -- you should have been by the mess hall soon.

How long have you been stuck in there?

I dunno, it's been an hour or so, I guess? I dont exactly know wwhen I started walkin' dowwn this time-space anomaly'a massivve proportions.

An' yeah, I should'a been wwalkin' past a wwhole load'a things, but I havven't seen anythin' familiar at all.

It seems like it might be a paradox. [ which doesn't have her sounding all too pleased. but at least she has an idea somewhat of what they could be dealing with. ]

You need to stay put for start. Not that you really have a choice. But try not to leave the small area you're in. Who knows what kind of traps could honestly be put in there for you to find.

[ a small sound of thought escaped her then, as she quickly added. ] I'm sorry I'm not a massive help right now, but at least getting some idea of what's going on will help.

What's the area look like? Anything stand out as strange. [ yes, she is attempting to try to find out where the paradox could be - not that she truly could from there. but it's something she assumes. ]

Evverythin' is fuckin' strange wwhen it all looks exactly the fuckin' same, you knoww?

[Eridan's running out of the energy it takes for him to flip out.] It just looks like a nondescript fuckin' hallwway.

I know. [ she's trying to sound reassuring here. ] Given the fact I've been trying to study the layout so much, I was just hoping that we could find some differences.

It doesn't seem to be happening though. [ and for that, she is truly sorry. ]

I think people are attempting to look for you though. Again, I just need you to stay put, hopefully I will figure out a way out of this.

[With these posts popping up, Simon ain't going anywhere. He's pretty chill in his room for now, though he could probably kill for a pistachio butter sandwich at this moment.]

Musta done something to get stuck, man.

[Not that he believes there's any kind of supernatural being on this ship messing with them or anything, Nope, he's just being a dick.]

like wwhat
wwhat do you think could a been the reason for me gettin stuck tell me please i need to knoww wwhat some human thinks i could a possibly did to deservve this

You say human like you're not one bro.

[Simon hasn't exactly seen any non-humans yet (or ever), having mostly stayed holed up in his room until now.]

And I dunno, man. Piss off any doors, lately?

im not human im a troll i thought i made this abundantly fuckin clear to evveryone on this ship im nothing like a human wwhatsoevver
howw do you evven piss off a door their inanimate fuckin objects

Edited 2012-02-25 04:13 (UTC)

You certainly type like one. But being a fucking troll doesn't mean you're not human, dude.

[What even. However neckbearded and sallow complexioned some internet trolls might be, they still technically counted as homo sapiens. Emphasis on the homo, though. At least this one was being up front about it.]

Though admitting you're a troll does kinda render your arguments invalid.

wwhy wwould my species render my arguments invvalid
if anythin bein human makes evverythin you say evven less wworth listenin to than normal but at least im tryin to be nice an not judgin you immediately for bein a complete wwaste a resources

[How even dare you, man. The only reason he's not ladling on the moral outrage right now is that he's too busy being hopelessly lost.]

[Ooh, this guy is good. Arguing that by being a troll, his argument is more valid than Simon's as a non-troll. That's some awesome troll logic, there.]

Of the two of us, I'm not the one karmically trapped in limbo, dude. So I think I've got one up on not being a complete waste of space.

wwhat are you evven talkin about seriously are wwe gettin into an argument on the wworth of a species wwhile im stuck in a fuckin hallwway wwaitin for some kind a monster to come eat me
im a troll oh no big fuckin deal get ovver it as far as races go trolls are higher up on the fuckin chain than humans are

Eridan? Are you alright?

[He'd like to join the search parties, even at the risk of getting lost himself, but he's not at 100% yet and it wouldn't be a good idea. He's sure Jack would agree vehemently and keep an eagle eye on him if he even mentioned it.]

[Good call, Ianto. Eridan would probably tell you not to either.]

Fuckin' great. [Sour] Just wwanderin' around a corridor wwith no exits an' no discernible landmarks to givve me my bearings, you knoww howw it is.

Well don't panic. If you can't find a way out, it's probably best to sit and rest a while instead of moving. Is anyone coming to find you yet?

[Don't panic? Ianto. Eridan never panics. That's especially clear, given the way he squeaks out,] No, nobody's comin' to find me, because they'll wwind up lost too.

What I did just say about panicking? Calm down and stay in one place. You'll conserve energy loner and if anyone is able to find you, it'll be easier if you aren't moving about.

[Oh my god, Ianto, stop having logical advice you're supposed to be coddling him or something not telling him how to make his situation better!!!!]

I'm not panickin' at all. I nevver fuckin' panic. An' anywway, that's pretty much wwhat I'm tryin' to do, but it's... fuckin' creepy here, all right? You try standin' around wwhen evverythin' is all sorts'a fucked up!

I'm honestly surprised it hasn't happened sooner. The corridors here all look the same.

Tried calling the Captain?

This isn't like I got lost or anythin', I knoww the wway I wwas goin', I memorized that shit on the first fuckin' day because I knoww better, obvviously. This is like the hallwway's fuckin' completely different, an' endless, an' doorless an' liftless.

Wwhat's the Captain gonna do? Tell me I'm stupid for gettin' lost? Be all aloof an' shit? No fuckin' thank you.

[Hey, do you ever hear people ranting when they're entering distress mode Doctor???]

[...Yup. Been there, calmed that.]

Eridan? Listen. Day One, Ward and Resnik said to call them if you didn't know where you were. They wouldn't call you stupid.

[...Yeah but saying that doesn't mean they really would.]

Howw does anyone evven get in contact wwith them? I havven't heard from them since wwe first showwed up.

See if you can send a message specifically to them. They may not be listening in to every broadcast.

[He huffs.]

I can try, but they probably wwon't fuckin' notice it. There's a wwhole fuckin' ship goin' nuts an' they havven't said anythin' yet.

...Not terribly encouraging, I realize. Somebody ought to try and have a word with them.

For now, the best thing may be to keep moving until you find a door. If you can keep moving.

There's plenty'a space to keep movvin'. It just goes on an' on... forevver.

Can't be forever. Tranquility's big, but there's gotta be a door somewhere. You'll be fine.

Wwho the fuck knowws wwhat might be goin' on here, though?

What's there to know? Big empty ship, missing crew, mysterious forces punching holes in reality....

....Nobody. Nobody really knows. [Sigh.] Working on it.

[SIGHS EVEN HARDER.]

A'course you are. I'll be ovver here, bein' fuckin' lost in the catacombs of this ghost ship wwhere hundreds of crewwmembers mysteriously vvanished, tryin' to make sure I don't wwind up in a fuckin' dreambubble.

Easy way to make certain you don't. Keep talking.

What were you doing when this happened? Where were you trying to go?

I wwas goin' to the library. I knoww exactly wwhere it is too, so it's not like I wwas just kinda fuckin' wwanderin' or anythin'!

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[text] eridan's guide to getting lost

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