lчdíα ( вєttєr thαn αnч σthєr αlphα ) mαrtín (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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ataraxion2013-07-11 04:57 pm
mathematically) wrote in ataraxion2013-07-11 04:57 pm
fourth molotov cocktail made ☾ ( anonymous text )
[ there's a part of lydia that wonders if this is stupid. if that after her last foray ( god, why did so many people care about her problem with peter ) with anonymous text and her problems and the network that maybe this was uncalled for, maybe she should just come clean and be herself and ask everyone if they were having problems like this. except, this is just as damning, isn't it? little miss lydia martin thinks killing peter hale will solve all her problems just like she thought doing what he wanted would solve them and yet, here she was, still sleep walking, still with nightmares and still— finding her mind in pieces she didn't know were still broken. ( they shouldn't have been why were they. ) she just wants to be normal again, she just wants to feel normal again. not like whatever this is. ]
When you get gangrene the treatment is to cut off the portion effected in order to try and save the rest of the tissue. Sometimes you have to amputate things, but that's not always what happens. You think that cutting it away is supposed to help. And it does sometimes. Other times you die anyway despite the efforts and it's bullshit.
That's morbid and— I shouldn't have started off with that. Whatever, you think something will make everything right again and then surprise the joke's on you, you still feel like a mess and it's— that's still not the point and is maudlin in ways that I don't do. I'm not even that intoxicated to justify it.
Original point of this, so you don't start laughing at the anonymous freak who can't shut up and get to the point. Has anyone been having sleeping related problems? I don't mean nightmares, because of course you're going to have nightmares here unless you're some person who thinks this is a walk in the park. But, sure, tell me about you special ones that aren't just consequences of the ship. What I mean is sleep walking. Waking up in places you don't remember falling asleep in. And I guess maybe another aspect of that is— have you had black out moments here. Where you're in one place, and then in another but you don't know how you got there. And if someone were to ask you, you couldn't answer what happened. You just were in one place and then suddenly you were in another and you don't remember even walking or running or whatever there.
God, I sound like a crazy person asking this. This is why I did this anonymously. No one wants to talk to a person after they sound crazy like this and I like talking to people for the most part. I don't feel like being shunned like that.
When you get gangrene the treatment is to cut off the portion effected in order to try and save the rest of the tissue. Sometimes you have to amputate things, but that's not always what happens. You think that cutting it away is supposed to help. And it does sometimes. Other times you die anyway despite the efforts and it's bullshit.
That's morbid and— I shouldn't have started off with that. Whatever, you think something will make everything right again and then surprise the joke's on you, you still feel like a mess and it's— that's still not the point and is maudlin in ways that I don't do. I'm not even that intoxicated to justify it.
Original point of this, so you don't start laughing at the anonymous freak who can't shut up and get to the point. Has anyone been having sleeping related problems? I don't mean nightmares, because of course you're going to have nightmares here unless you're some person who thinks this is a walk in the park. But, sure, tell me about you special ones that aren't just consequences of the ship. What I mean is sleep walking. Waking up in places you don't remember falling asleep in. And I guess maybe another aspect of that is— have you had black out moments here. Where you're in one place, and then in another but you don't know how you got there. And if someone were to ask you, you couldn't answer what happened. You just were in one place and then suddenly you were in another and you don't remember even walking or running or whatever there.
God, I sound like a crazy person asking this. This is why I did this anonymously. No one wants to talk to a person after they sound crazy like this and I like talking to people for the most part. I don't feel like being shunned like that.
can you even auggie lock to an anon. whatever.
IDK about you but when there's something wrong with me and someone offers to help me deal with it, go forth, and be better, I'm not usually insulted.
And yeah, I got better. Kinda. My life back home got kind of weird, the kind you can't tell people. At least here no-one's gonna lock you up if you start talking about how you're regressing because of supernatural influences. But I learned some good ways to handle stuff. Not that I always remember to do it or it always works but sometimes fixing it is less important than just knowing why your brain is doing the shit it does makes.
There's not a lot of support for that stuff on the ship, though. Which is weird because people seem to go crazy here all the time. I mean I heard some kid did a mass shooting recently, it's screwed up.
Man TL;DR. That took ages to write.
derek did whatever, IT'S A MAGICAL LOCK THAT CAN DO THAT. apparently.
It's easy for them to say because they're not the one who needs to get better. Sorry to say, telling me to get better =/= me being able to get better. Even with whatever help they're offering.
You never know, people want to kill Ward and Resnik for stuff. IDK people might think Caffrey's crazy enough to deserve to be locked up. Then again, he hasn't zalgo'd us lately. People might just decide to lock me up in case I somehow airlock someone without knowing it. Not that I could, but theoretically. I— fixing it without knowing the cause just means you're putting a band-aid on it. A temporary fix until the next thing.
Was it Tate? He seemed like the type. And Hayley left so I could see it. But no— support systems just leave when you get them. That's the problem, you get them but the unpredictability of them kind of shoots you in the foot. Not...literally.
Like I was any better with this. And you could have talked more.
MAGICAL AUGGIE LOCK
1. Do you want to get better? Or do you just want to know what's up? Because you're right, knowing is 90% of the battle. But it's not impossible to fix this stuff. It's just harder than dealing with physical sickness.
2. Nobody's gonna lock you up, dumbass.
[ lydia please. ]
3. Caffrey is space crazy. Have you gone right out into the ship? Planning on leaving ominous warnings about who's gonna die next? Started worshipping emotes?
4. I only talked to Tate a couple of times, and wow did he remind me of Matt. But yeah. I think it was him.
[ he wants to add on something about hayley — a question, maybe — because he's seriously starting to fail at pretending he doesn't know who this is. ]
5. See all these people replying to you? They don't even know who you are, and they freaking care, okay? There's your support system.
no subject
1. Both. Sort of. Second one more, but both would be the best.
2. Stiles, don't call me a dumbass.
[ she gives up, oh my god stiles. ]
3. No. But see my original questions and see where there might be an issue in making sure I stay that way.
4. Ugh. That's just embarrassing to teenagers.
5. That's not a support system. That's a bunch of people offering input. I don't trust— all of these people. I barely know most of these people. Not conducive to trust.
no subject
[ there was other stuff too but screw it. ]
no subject
stiles isn't allison. this is something lydia knows very well and wishes she didn't. she wishes she could easily exchange one for the other, because that would make things so much easier, but she can't. maybe that's the good thing though, makes it so if she loses stiles again it won't sting like losing allison did. even if losing stiles had hurt a little his first time. ]
Tell me who I am.
[ call me by my name. it's not an acceptance of the help, the support, not yet, but it's recognition that she saw it and the acknowledgement that she's considering it. ]
no subject
[ and lbr stiles' something is named Lydia Martin. ]
and suddenly unanon and voice
I knew I should have locked this from Beacon Hills. I kind of hoped you'd all ignore it because it was some anonymous person whining about their problems. [ a beat. ] I'm not a dumbass. I'm— a realist.
[ and lbr here, lydia still isn't sure if that's a good or a bad thing right now. ]
Derek told me to pick someone who needs you alive to lock me up at night. While the prison thing may have allure with him— not exactly mine.
voice also then!!
[ is stiles' opinion of that plan. ]
You're not a werewolf, you don't need to be locked up. But maybe you should get a roomie. You know, just while you work out how to fix this for good, because if anyone can, Lydia, it's you.
no subject
[ no really, show her a non-dick hale. ]
Crazy people get locked up. Insane asylums. Not the same thing, because I'm not crazy, but technically being a werewolf is not a requisite. [ stiles says roomie and lydia is faintly reminded of when he had offered once upon a time when peter had first gotten here before she sighs. ] I sometimes sleep in Buffy's room. I could theoretically drag her down here.
[ a beat. ] I thought already did.
no subject
Yes. Girly sleepover. I totally approve.
[ and not for the skeevy reasons, either. he's nodding. ]
And I bet any of the werewolves—
[ well, scott. maybe derek if she pressed. ]
— Would agree to come be your next door neighbor just to keep an ear out.
no subject
[ sorry stiles, it was just there and diffusing this entire thing with that almost feels like something she needs to do. ]
And come running when I walked out? Assuming I got past her.
no subject
[ he doesn't even have a coherent response to that, just shaky laughter, thank you for that mental image lydia. ]
Come running if whatever. Probably don't pick Derek, he's jumpy, but knowing there's a werewolf five feet away who's got your back is really, really reassuring.
[ which is why he lives with scott. well, that and their epic broship. ]
no subject
[ she's teasing, mostly. but you're welcome, stiles. you're so very welcome. ]
Derek would require me actually dragging him on Prada's leash. I'm not even— if I get desperate he'll be the one to call. [ no that would be isaac, but details. ] Erica might work. She likes me enough. There is something nice about having a werewolf or other supernatural creature/person watching your back.
no subject
[ wow and he immediately wishes he. hadn't said that. wow. wow. can they go back to text, please? ]
Yes. Yes. You and Erica and Buffy can watch each other's backs, that's very badass. And if you want anyone to talk to. About stuff. You know, whatever. I'm not, like, Jenna or Ms Morell but I could listen. Quietly, even.
no subject
[ stiles you brought this on yourself and lydia is trying really hard not to laugh because honey no. ]
And not tell anyone what I'm saying? Because as much as I believe in sharing is caring, Jenna and Ms. Morell technically have confidentiality agreements covering them.
no subject
I wouldn't tell anyone. Not even Scott.
no subject
Let me think about it. Is that okay?
no subject
[ he seems a little bemused, like maybe he's more used to hearing a no from her. about pretty much everything. but things are different, here, circumstances are different. ]
Whatever you want. You've got my number.
no subject
you have to adjust. ]
I do. [ there's a pause. ] Thanks. I appreciate it.
[ somewhere hidden deep within that comment is i've missed having someone from home to talk to like this with undertones of just missing her best friend. but she won't say any of that. ]